Second lesson ever for F aged 7. She is telling me a long story about how she practised every day but Saturday because on Saturday she was in a dancing show at the theatre! AHA I think, good news, I know that dancing kids tend to be rhythmically aware. I ask her to tell me about her dance.

'I was a flower and I had to dance after Tom who is a man, he comes on stage first with his weasel under his arm. He looks at the sky and shakes his head and goes in a circle and we all follow him. He looks at the river and shakes his head and goes in a circle and we all follow him. He looks at the...'

I wonder how long I can let her carry on with this since this is Lesson time so as she draws breath I ask

'Does he dance with the weasel too?'

Only a 7 year old can do the withering look so well.

'He has a weasel because he is an ARTIST'



Love teaching kids.

love it

Brilliant

And comments from parents when you realise that things you take for granted are not as obvious as all that . . . .

Lady on phone: my daughter's interested in having piano lessons
Me: Great ( . . .general chitchat . . .) Do you have a piano or good keyboard ?
Lady : No. Do I need one ?
Me (wondering why happens so often) : yes. Can you look into getting/borrowing one ?

Fast forward a month

Lady: Daughter's still interested and a friend has said she'll lend us her keyboard that she bought a few years ago and doesn't use. Don't know if it's any good.
Me : great. That'll be fine - just to get going.
Lady: (hesitant) : but it's very big
Me: (house not big enough ?) Umm, is that a problem ?
Lady : Well, I don't know how I'm going to get it in the car every week !

That gave me a good laugh too - thanks!

Me too. Reminds me of my son who sings "Pop goes the easel!! " So I did see this coming

I teach a rather cute 5yr old. Recently, just by my piano we put up a load of photos, old wedding ones, me and hubby with our children when they were still babies.

Pupil, eyeing up photos 'you're hair has gone really . . .'

Me 'blonde, it's gone really blonde'

Pupil 'you've gone really grey'

Dad groaning and cringing in background 'apologise at once for being so rude'

Me - I just fell about laughing - out of the mouths of fools and babes . . .

Talking to a pair of teenagers in school today at lunchtime.

Me: It would be really good if **** (girl cellist) came back to String Group - it's not the same without the cello!

Teenager 1 (boy double bassist): Yes it would but it's unlikely because I don't think she likes me any more...

Me: Oh - why not? You always used to get on really well...

Teenager 2: It's all to do with that party, isn't it?

Me: What happened?

Teenager 1: Well, **** came to a party she wasn't invited to and now she's furious with me because the farmer came.'

This made me burst out laughing because it sounded ingenuously rural (I'm a city girl)as well as not making sense. Then they explained that she'd been to another illegal rave-type open-air party and the farmer whose land it was on turned up brandishing a shot-gun. **** became hysterical and ran away screaming.

A couple of weeks later she heard about Teenager 1's party, and asked whether the farmer knew,and whether she could come. She was told yes on both counts but was asked not to tell anyone else about the party. Naturally she told someone, who then put it on Facebook with the inevitable result - 200 gate-crashers turned up! Halfway through the event, the farmer came striding up the hill because he'd been told there'd only be about 30 people there, not 200...

**** completely panicked because she thought he had a shot-gun and was probably about to shoot them all, and ran away screaming hysterically into the night. Consequently she hasn't spoken to Teenager 1 since, because she thought he'd lied to her that the farmer knew.

Get it?

No, thought not.

Memorable comments from my kids:

Eldest when about 5 or 6 - Meets her dad's best mate's new girlfriend for the first time (after he left his wife for her, um!), and daughter says OH! (his name), and waves her hand down in a funny adult way, Why do you keep having so many girlfriends!

Thank goodness the girlfriend had a good sense of humor!

Youngest when about 2 ish - We were coming out of a supermarket and I was reading a leaflet someone had thrust into my hand, when an old lady said to my daughter "yes, and I eat little children like you for dinner". I was a bit startled as I couldn't understand why she would say something like that... but then the old cogs started whirring round... yes, daughter did say something just before old lady's remark... more whirring... (dawning), she said why is that lady so fat! Help, I need a large hole to swallow me up!!!!

I GET IT!!!! Sounds just like a party around here. In fact I remember going to some just like it before I got old and blonde/gray - delete as required depending on reader's age!

Arrived for Piano lesson last night and met the family in the slot before us (we've recently changed times). Dad and two little girls about 5 and 6. Dad payed for the lesson, as they were leaving eldest looked at the teacher and said "----- What do you spend the money on we give you"? Dad was mortified! Pinao teacher opened his mouth and looked completely bemused

I saiid, I knew what he spent his money on (Piano teacher looked more aghast). I told the child his children as all parents do.

One from my children's younger days, but not musical, I'm afraid.

We went away to the ordination of a friend, who was going to be made a deacon. Our little one (2) couldn't understand what all the fuss was about, so his older brother (5) explained: "John's going to be ordained as a DEMON!".

classic!

This reminded me of an email I got recently with some similar comments. They really are hilarious!!
Apologies in advance as one or 2 are slightly rude too. :

Why We Love Children

1. A nursery school pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it
was dead.
'How do you know that the cat was dead?' she asked her pupil.
'Because I P#ssed in its ear and it didn't move,' answered the child
innocently.
'You did WHAT?' the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
'You know,' explained the boy, 'I leaned over and went 'Pssst' and it
didn't move'

2. A small boy is sent to bed by his father.

Five minutes later.....'Da-ad....'
'What?'
'I'm thirsty. Can you bring a drink of water?'
'No, You had your chance. Lights out.'
Five minutes later: 'Da-aaaad.....'
'WHAT?'
'I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??'
' I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to smack you!!'
Five minutes later......'Daaaa-aaaad.....'
'WHAT!'
'When you come in to smack me, can you bring a drink of water?'

3. An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief,
finally asked him 'How do you expect to get into Heaven?'
The boy thought it over and said, 'Well, I'll run in and out and in
and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's
sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!''

4. One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was
tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he
asked with a tremor in his voice, 'Mummy, will you sleep with me
tonight?'
The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug.
'I can't dear,' she said. 'I have to sleep in Daddy's room.'
A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice:
'The big sissy.'

5. It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the
children's sermon.
All the children were invited to come forward.
One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat
down, the minister leaned over and said, 'That is a very pretty dress.
Is it your Easter Dress?'
The little girl replied, directly into the minister's clip-on
microphone, 'Yes, and my Mum says it's a ###### to iron.'

6. When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year
old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the
shower.
She said, 'Mummy, you are getting fat!'
I replied, 'Yes, honey, remember Mummy has a baby growing in her
tummy.'
'I know,' she replied, but what's growing in your bottom?'

7.. A little boy was doing his math homework.

He said to himself, 'Two plus five, that son of a #####(female dog) is seven.

Three plus six, that son of a ###### is nine....'
His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, 'What are you doing?'
The little boy answered, 'I'm doing my math homework, Mum.'
'And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?' the mother asked
'Yes,' he answered.
Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, 'What are you
teaching my son in math?'
The teacher replied, 'Right now, we are learning addition.'
The mother asked, 'And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that
son of a ###### is four?'
After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, 'What I taught them
was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four.'

8. One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken
Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken
Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, '... and so Chicken Little
went up to the farmer and said, 'The sky is falling, the sky is
falling!'
The teacher paused then asked the class, 'And what do you think that
farmer said?'
One little girl raised her hand and said, 'I think he said:
'Holy ######! A talking chicken!''
The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

9. A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, I'm Mr.
Sugarbrown's daughter.'
Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, 'I'm Jane
Sugarbrown.'
The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, 'Aren't you Mr.
Sugarbrown's daughter?'
She replied, 'I thought I was, but mother says I'm not.'

10. A little girl asked her mother, 'Can I go outside and play
with the boys?'
Her mother replied, 'No, you can't play with the boys, they're
too rough.'
The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked,
If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?'

11. A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father.
She stands next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair cut,
eating a snack cake The barber says to her,

'Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your muffin..'
She says, 'Yes, I know, and I'm gonna get boobs too.'

sorry the censor got it first time and it didn't even block out the one I thought was most risque

I remember a first year asking me which bit of the violin was the 'squirrel'... I think she meant scroll.

One of my youngest pupils has a six-year-old sister who occasionally sits in on lessons. She's come out with a few classics recently - one week I opened the door to be confronted with a determined-looking six-year-old who demanded to know where my children were

In my hall I have a cuckoo clock, and both sisters are obsessed with seeing the cuckoo come out. They arrived a few minutes early last week, so insisted that I switched the cuckoo on, which I did. It can't have gone on early enough because it didn't cuckoo on the hour, but six-year-old sat patiently under the clock until about ten past waiting for the cuckoo. When she wandered in, she looked very disappointed, so I explained that he must have gone on a short cuckoo holiday.

At the end of the lesson, six-year-old asked if I have a cat. I explained that I didn't, but I did have a hamster. When she asked to see him, I said she couldn't because he'd gone on holiday with the cuckoo

Thanks for those, Dawn - they've just given Hubby and me a really good laugh.

Kids certainly do come out with the funniest things at times.

One that made me laugh:

I was teaching a little boy and we were playing a game to find words that could be made out of musical notes. I would play a series of notes and he would tell me what they spelled. I played D-E-A-F and he looked puzzled, so I gave him a clue. "Can't hear, hard of hearing, four letters", I said. "Ah!", he replied, comprehension flooding his face. "I know! .....GRAN"......


I also taught a kid who persisted in going on about "demented intervals" for ages, which was amusing.

I've had pupils telling me about 'dramatic scales' and 'atomic triads' !

But some scales are dramatic! Especially when played with "creative fingering"!

....and I had one who told me that espressivo was a kind of coffee!

Scene : Rather charming, musically talented 11 year-old boy with a twinkle in his eye trying to play Bach.

Me: This is baroque music, try and make it shorter and crisper and more bouncy, you're playing it too romantically.

Him: Well, that's the first time a woman's ever told me off for being too romantic !

Me (trying to encourage good hand position on the cello): "Imagine you're making a letter C with your thumb and your middle finger"

Sweet, innocent-looking 8-year-old girl: "You mean my swearing finger?"

Love the above posts, is it why we teach do you think?

Very young pupil 'you've got a dusty bottom and I am going to clean it'

Me, glad to be sitting down 'really?'

VYP 'yes with my socks'

Me 'ah'

VYP pointing with toes 'see I told you it was dusty' and proceeded to dust base of my piano!

Nearly had me going then!

My daughter proudly announced that she had several new oboe pieces to learn for next week including "The Vulgar Bottom"

(Turns out to be the Volga Boatman)

This is not musical but too good not to share.
My daughter is very dyslexic and while she now reads about 18 months above her actual age she took a long time to learn to read. One day I was checking the supermarket bill to see if I'd paid the right price. Beth aged about 9 took the bill off me and starting reading it. I started driving. Suddenly she said "It says "saved by chocolate"." when I got home and checked at the bottom of the bill was written "Served by Charlotte."
What a kid.
On a musical note for years she called the piano the pinano.
Dora

Just reviving this thread because of something that happened in a lesson today. A very bright 8 year old boy, who is always very keen to learn about new things, saw triplet quavers for the first time. I asked him if he could guess what they meant and he said '3 for the price of 2?'

Oh I love that one Jenny, I think I might try describing them that way!!

I call them Morrison's notes.

I was teaching once at a piano school where there was a pregnant cat there. A young boy asked me if boy cats have boy kittens and girl cats have girl kittens. Without wanting to get into a discussion about the cats and the bees, I felt rather ashamed to say "yes, something like that!".

Just last week, one pupil was dithering getting her books back in her bag and out of the front door. It was pouring with rain and her dad said "Get in the...[abrupt pause]...car" and the 8 year old daughter said "You were going to say 'Get in the blo*ody car' weren't you, Dad?". That did make me laugh!

I have a student who always keeps me very entertained. When she was younger she used to beg me for tea and biscuits and she would often "faint" onto the couch when something didn't go right. When she plays really well she turns around to me and says, "That was excellent, wasn't it", before I have a chance to speak. Once I dyed my hair and she told me that she didn't like and said, "Why can't you just show everybody the real you?". Some people might think she's being cheeky but I get a great laught from her and she is actually very good at the piano.

bumblebee - that student sounds really cheeky, how old are they? Fainting is something I've not come across yet

She was six at the time of the fainting but this has stopped. She's nine now. It sounds cheeky now that I've written it but honestly she's not, I think she's trying to be funny. She works very hard and loves playing the piano which is always good.

Amusing childrens story I read in the dentists waiting room yesterday [made me think of this thread]...

Father worked on oil rigs and was away from home. Mum was busy with the new baby downstairs. Four-year old daughter had been upstairs for some time. Eventually, she came tottering down the stairs in mum's high heels, wearing a fur jacket, adorned with jewellery and liberally plastered with lipstick and makeup.
Mum: Where do you think your going?
4yo: I'm going to work!
Mum: And where are you going to work, dressed like that?
4yo: [grandly] On the rigs!