I have been teaching my cousin for a few years and I must admit it's not my favourite lesson of the week. Last year she really struggled to get the work done for grade 1 but somehow did fairly well. I hoped that she wouldn't do another exam but the mother insisted so we started grade 2 work. I told them that she would have to come for a few lessons in the summer but whenever I got in contact they were always too busy. Now it's mid October and I'm starting to panic. She has lost the copy with all the scales in it, she has 1 piece h.t and the other two are h.s. She didn't read her copy this week as she couldn't find it so therefore she didn't do the correct work. I have tried having several serious talks with her but she doesn't seem to make an effort or even take it seriously. The thing is I find talking to her mother a bit intimidating as we are related and she's a good bit older than me. She doesn't seem to think that piano is that important but yet wants her to do exams. I am also afraid that we could fall out and this would make things in the family very awkward. I don't know what to do. If it was any other parent I wouldn't mind having a word but this situation is much more difficult. Please help!!

I'm hearing the message loud and clear that the girl doesn't really want to do this exam - she is finding ways to sabotage the preparations (consciously or not) by 'losing' the books etc.

How old is she? With an older child, I might have an honest chat with them first and explore the possibilities - does she want to do the exam but feel under too much pressure? Is she struggling to fit the practice in? Perhaps she doesn't really want to continue with piano, but doesn't know how to say so because of the family connections? Then have a talk with Mum. I think you owe it to yourself to be honest and straightforward about the situation.

Maybe you will have to say "I've tried for (however long) to keep the lessons going, but I think the fact that x and I are cousins is making it difficult for me to maintain my usual teacher-student relationship. Perhaps it is time to find a new teacher.."

I have taught :

my three sisters
my two sons

and my father !

So I am specialist of 'keeping it in the family' and I would say it's difficult ! In fact, probably more so for you because a cousin is family and yet not directly under your wing, so to speak (I taught my sisters while still living at home so, as big sister, I sort of ruled the roost anyway; equally as 'mother' its' tricky but there's certainly no third party, and my father lived with his new family so it was a nice way just to see each other).

I agree with SueHM - maybe you need to get the girl on board and the two of you provide a united front to the mother. Ask her really what she wants to do/get out of playing the piano. And, definitely, if you don't think it's going to work, ask around if you don't know anyone, find a nice teacher, give them a call and go and tell the aunt that you're finding it very difficult teaching X and that you recommend Mr./Mrs. Y. that way, you're not just dropping her.

And in the immediate future, if she's blatantly not ready for the exam, she's not ready - sit down with Auntie + Cos and play the pieces as you would expect them to be now for an exam in December (i.e. play them a little slowly and with a few fumbles). Then play them as they need to be played in December (A1) Then get junior to play the pieces. . . .

I agree - you need to make the mother realise how very unprepared her daughter is. And of course, the exam could be in November!
I have 4 students with exams coming up and they are almost ready now, with scales and pieces needing only the final touches. Perhaps you could tell them that other teachers have their pupils ready to make them realise how far behind she is!

Yes, I think mum needs to realise how unrealistic her wishes are. You're being put in a difficult position here - especially as it involves other family members.

I will see one of my exam students later on today - and she is expecting to have to play all three pieces right through for me - for the first time. Her B piece was being finished off last week. I am expecting a few fluffs and a number of points to comment on and improve, but probably nothing major. Scales are known, although a couple were not hands together last week. I regard 'half-term' as a kind of deadline to have work completed. It doesn't always happen of course! but a useful aim.

I agree - talk to the girl. She may open up a bit if she feels you are on her side.

Yes talk to your cousin, and if necessary can your own parents provide counselling in dealing with your aunt?

I taught number 1 sone for a time as some of you may remember the thread a while ago. Since moving to new teacher all much happier and making much better progress.

DON'T DO IT

No need to shout!