I survived my first lesson

However, once I arrived I realized why they wanted home visits. They had 3 kids ages 3 months, 4 and 6 years old respectively.

Throughout the whole lesson, baby was howling and the mother couldn't keep the middle child under control at all so he kept running into the study wanting to play with his brother. It was incredibly disruptive. Mother explained to me that the 6 year old had lessons at a school once but it was too far to travel.

To top it all, my student was insanely hyperactive. I had trouble getting him to sit down at all and he spent the whole lesson wandering around the room, picking things up, scribbling on paper instead of concentrating etc. Mind you, I tried to get him involved by preparing a little ditty with hand claps and all but he just couldn't concentrate.

Advice?

Whenever I had a younger sibling in the lesson, I start by giving them plenty of attention, making them realise that it's not their lesson, giving them a book to read or asking them to draw me a picture. I'm very strict with them. During the lesson if they start to make too much noise, I'll turn around and tell them it's not their turn and they need to be quiet!

Then I turn my attention to the student and teach the lesson. Again, I expect certain standards of behaviour and don't allow a child to wander. Don't shout, but speak very clearly with a firm tone. You need 100% control in this respect. However, you have to allow that younger children won't be able to concentrate as well as older students, and tailor your lesson accordingly. Clapping games are good, as are singing games, or general co-ordination games. In fact a six year old's lesson should include a lot of these. You need a selection of activities to draw upon, to maintain your student's attention if it starts to drift. Here's one:

Sitting down, cross your left leg over your right. Hold right hand in the air, drawing a letter 'O' whilst simultaneously circling the left foot clockwise. Alternate direction and swap feet after a time if you want a little variation.

As you get to know a the child, you'll learn which activities work best, but the important thing is, keep the lesson moving. Another thing you might consider is the length of lesson. How long was this lesson? Perhaps 20 minutes is best at first while the child gets used to things?

Reward good behaviour and good concentration (give a sticker to the sibling if he/she manages to sit quietly) and comment that next lesson they can have another sticker for the same. When you talk about the sticker, imagine it's like winning the lottery - the child will catch on that stickers represent something important! You can also bribe them with certain games they like, or later, certain pieces of music they want to play, in exchange for good behaviour and hard work!

And finally, get the Mum and the other kids out of the room if you can. It'd really help!

The younger sibling is not supposed to be in the room at all (I'm not teaching him at all) but the mother is just....not in control. She'd rush into the room to chase him out while carrying the crying baby.

Personally if i were you, i wouldn't return. Maybe as i get older i'm getting less tolerant, but there's no way i could or would put up with that. You shouldn't have to try and teach in a situation like that. Best of luck if you decide to stick it out.

Probably not what you want to hear but, is the 6 year old too young for formal lessons of this nature? It seems that he is very distracted, 6 is very young particularly for boys. Also being in his own environment makes it more difficult, I can understand why they want home visits, but often kids are more focused in a more formal environment.

There isn't much you can do about the younger sibling, with the exception of saying very nicely, you can't come in here at the moment because x is having his lesson, he'll play with you afterwards.

Twinkles ideas are great, you can also do plenty of improvisation noisy then quiet, this is a good time of year because you can make up whole pantomimes on the piano, and plenty of aural work, marching, skipping around the room and keep the formal bit to a minimum.

Good luck, and very well done on surviving your first lesson

The six year old could just be 'showing off' in his home environment in a way that he might not in a school environment or in a teacher's house. If there's nothing that will persuade the mum to bring him to your house, it might be best to see if you can arrange a time when the younger child will be busy with something else so you can at least have an uninterrupted lesson. The screaming baby might be something that's easier to block out if it stays in another room, if the mum doesn't have to keep running in with it to trail the other one out. Maybe she could bung baby in pram and take older child to shop while you're there?

Sorry - I seem to be talking about the kids as if they're things rather than kids... but you're not going to know whether or not the six year old is mature enough for lessons unless you can get him on his own in a conducive environment.

I think whoever said the 6 year old could be too young - particualrly if he's a boy could be correct but I'd alsolike to offer another possibility....


Whenever anyone come to our house - Grandparents, Aunities or our friends (without youngsters in tow) our kids get really hyper and it's excitement and novelty. Given a bit of time and a bit of fuss they soon calm down and things return to normal. Having discussed this with many other mums/dads over the years and witnessed it with other people's kids who get attached to me in a similar way it seems pretty normal to me.

That's not to say it's a suitable teaching environment nor that you should put up with it.


The poster who said you need 100% control over the pupil in lesson time is quite right (in my opinion). Again, though that's not to say inflexible... If he loses focus can you move onto the next activity? And that way hopefully regain his interest??? Ask if he needs the loo??? Or better still make sure he's been before you start. Boys in particular seem to hold it and not go until absolutely necessary - causing a lot of dancing about and an inability to concentrate on anything else for a little while before finally going. Why??? Dunno!!! But they do.

In addition this set-up is new to you all. Can you have a chat with the mother about your expectations??? That you don't expect the younger sibling to enter the room and that you expect the older boy to try his best to concentrate/focus. If this is after school - this will be particualrly difficult for him. My six year old is physically and mentally exhausted when she comes out of school on an evening and needs to be left to herself to wind down (I'm sure it wasn't the same when Iwas a kid - but that's another story) You need to tell her that if these expectations are not met it's a waste of time for you all. Maybe a Saturday morning would be better for concentration???

maybe you need to allow the 6 year old (and younger sibling?) to say hello and show you whatever it is they want to that is distracting him from the lesson BEFORE you start. maybe 5 mins spent at the beginning will remove the distractions later??? Maybe allow them some time to talk and tell you about themselves/get to know you/show you something unrelated to the lesson.

If this is down to excitement/novelty and a new situation when you become part of the regular routine hopefully things will settle down....

(I speak not as a music teacher but as a parent with kids a similar age and with a primary school teacher background.)

I hope I've not waffled on too much and I hope you sort this out.

I agree. The whole situation sounds far from ideal. I can understand the mum wanting to be around for the first lesson, but I think you should suggest that she take the other two chidren out for a walk next time and give you some uninterrupted lesson time. It sounds like you're going to have your work cut out getting him to concentrate, without the added distractions! It could well be that he's not ready for lessons yet, but the only way to find out is to give him a few trial lessons. I teach several very young pupils, but they are all able to concentrate for 30 mins. - if they couldn't, I wouldn't still be teaching them! Good luck and keep us informed.

I'm curious but what is the age of the youngest student you will accept? I prefer teaching adults actually but they have a bad tendency to quit/cancel lessons thus disrupting my income flow and I know a teacher who only accept ages 8 and above. I really admire teachers who can start really young ones. I was a pretty obedient little girl myself.

However, parents are very competitive and often wish to start their children as young as possible when they are really not ready for it.

I am worried that I am not cut out to be a music teacher if I cannot handle young children because one cannot survive on adult pupils alone.

I am doing this on a one-month contract by the way (my first through an agency) and I'm not really free to alter the terms of the lessons during this time. I could cut down the lesson time because of the concentration issues but I would also have to lower my fees and with the amount she's paying me (and considering the time/money I spend traveling to their home, it would become not worth it.) Also, I am not sure if the mother will wish me to continue after the month is up.

Also, a stupid question: should I discuss issues with the mother over the phone or physically while I am there for the lesson? Either way, there will be kids/babies screaming in the background.

i have the siblings one, but the mother controls them....
but i do have a hyperactive one... i give him different coloured stars for how many ticks he has gained for listening, good behavour..etc.... doesn't work either.. he uses his flute as a hobby horse..etc he is a pain in the ****, even asked him is he really wants to learn and suggested to his mother he should give up... nope didn't work... so if you get any good results let me know

i just grin and bear it and am an expert of counting to ten!!!!

too.

I take kids from the age of 6, and occasionally, more so with boys, they are definately not ready for a formal lesson structure. On the other hand, I have had some absolute gems who have started at the age of not quite 6 and could settle and concentrate without a problem.

I would be inclined to give the mum a ring, ask if the little one enjoyed his lesson and just go through a couple of your issues. If she wants to change the duration of your lesson, that is a change to the contract and as you said it would not be worth your while so don't do it.

Don't be afraid to set an age limit, you can certainly set up a good business teaching older children as at least a couple of well respected forumites have done. An inability to cope with an undisciplined youngster in his own environment does not mean you are not cut out to be a music teacher, believe me this situation is not typical of most kids, it may just mean that this particular kid is not ready to be a music pupil yet.

Also don't forget that there is the novelty factor, you are new to him, and he could just be trying to see how much he can get away with. Hopefully the next lesson will run alot more smoothly.

I suggest you nip things in the bud as soon as they start next lesson. If necessary ask mum what strategies she uses. In the child's own home it may be more difficult to establish your authority as he may see you as a guest in HIS home and therefore feel he has the upper hand.

However, don't be too hard on yourself about this. Give things time to settle. If you haven't taught kids before and aren't that familiar with them it'll take time to find your way, establish boundaries, be firm but not too much for the age etc. You may make mistakes along the way but it's the only way to learn. If something happens you are not happy with deal with it as seems appropriate at the time. Reflect on it afterwards and se if you feel you took the best course of action and file it mentally for future use. Remember most kids this age DO want to please and use this to your advantage by use of appropriate and encouraging praise/rewards (stickers?) Above all be consistent. Kids like/need this. Firm but fair is the approach to take. It may possibly be a steep learning curve but you'll get there.

Not trying to be funny but what about locking the door ?

All the doors in my house have keys and locks - I think I'd expalin to the mother and then use them. Then you can deal with the 6 year-old on a one-to-one basis and, yes, he may well calm down when the novelty values dies down and his younger brother is not winding him up.


I take them from age 6 although I do have a chat with the parents first and discuss the child and sometimes suggest age 7 might be better. I expect a 6 year-old to be able to do a 30 minute sat down lesson (although with maybe a little break in the middle) and with plenty of variation of piano activity - generally I expect to do about 20 mins of teaching in a 30 min lesson. It's very rare in my experience that 6 year-old can't do this.

I wouldn't shorten the lesson - on the contrary, the only child I had (age 7) who could only concentrate for about 10 mins in half an hour, I lengthened the lesson to 45 mins and that way we managed to do our 20 min of teaching.

But don't be put off, the baby probably doesn't cry ALL the time and next week it might be as good as gold and then the mother can deal with the four year-old and it'll be a lot better for everyone.

I agree. It's probably best to give the Mum a call before the next lesson, so she has time to prepare both the 6 yr old and 4 yr old and so she understands you have been thinking about how best to work; it's not like you walk out of the door and don't give it another thought until the week later, when you're being paid to do so.

One more thing: just because you're on a month contract, don't compromise the standard of your work in fear of upsetting anyone. The Mum will probably respect you more for taking control and working together with the family, rather than just letting things go. I have at least one Mum who's pleased that I'm firm but fair with her 8 year old son, because she admits, being a single Mum, she struggles sometimes with getting the right level of discipline.

And yes, routine is everything for children of that age. That alone may account for why the situation was so crazy first time round. If it's not settled even a little bit this week, I'd be very surprised.

I do agree, but Sakura are there special terms with the agency on this? They may well be keen to limit your direct contact with the clients outside lessons to protect their own relationship with them.

On the other hand you are in quite a strong position, because I am sure most parents would want a long term relationship with one teacher to develop in the best interests of the kids' learning. If the parents don't co-operate with you and smooth your path, then you are not going to want to continue with them, they have to go back to the agency for another month's worth and the kids are going to get absolutely nowhere. If you are contractually free to do so, speak your mind in a calm and business like way, stressing your interest in the the child and their learning. If Mum doesn't accept that, at least there are only a few weeks left!

Exactly, very sound advice.

It may be too that the mother expects you, as the teacher, to take charge. And if you do this diplomatically and successfully the agency will be keen to push more work your way. The whole thing will be new to the mother too, and she may also be thinking about how best to handle the situation. I said in another thread (Beagle's?) that I wouldn't really have wanted my own children's lessons to be in my own home, but if I'd had no choice, I would have been grateful for the teacher to state in black and white terms what was expected. Good luck!

Were you teaching during what I call the "bewitching hours" by any chance? My children always always went a little crazy and uncontrollable between 4 and 6pm - tired, hungry, attention seeking etc etc etc plus I was trying to get the tea ready - so they probably felt my stress too. Normally my kids are pretty well behaved, except at this time of day. I gathered from my friends this was what they were also experiencing so it seems pretty normal for a family with small children.

yes, it's probably hard to make a decision based on one session, nightmarish though it was. I do agree with you that it is not conducive to good teaching so have a chat with mum and see if she can distract the other two to give your student a fair chance. Even if she took them out for a walk up the road or upstairs for a bath it would give you some undisturbed time to see if your own student is ready to learn and then you can either decide to proceed from there or suggest she leaves it for a while until things are more settled.

Personally when mine went like this I dunked them in the bath, and pj-ed them - and then they were happy and more settled !!! I guess that's the importance of routine!

(............. the 4 year old might also respond to a sticker - he's allowed to say hello at the beginning and goodbye end and if he stays out of the room in between, he will get a sticker too. You could even have the 4 and 6 year olds competing for a sticker against each other - the 4 year old outside the room with mum and the 6 year old inside with you and see who gets stickers for good behaviour. )

Elizabeth

I think Elizabeth21 has offered some good ideas (as have other people) especially with getting 4 year old on side too. 5 minutes spent giving him/her some attention, and a sticker and a promise of another sticker is probably well spent.

You don't say how long the lessons are, and I notice that you are from Asia. Does this mean the lesson is longer that 30 minutes? When I have started small children, I actually begin with just 15 minutes, and vary the activities within this. By 6 years old, I would expect 20 minutes to be absolutely normal, and with a child who is able to concentrate I would go up to 30 minutes.

I would say go armed with stickers next time, explain clearly to mother that in order for lesson to progress properly it must not be interrupted by middle child, and make it clear to the 4 year old too - s/he is old enough to understand.

Then be prepared to accept some diversions by your pupil during lessons, but remind him that if he were in school, rushing about would not be acceptable, and that you are a teacher just like those in school, so what you say is important too.

Dear folks, thanks for all the sage advice!

Unfortunately, the question is now moot. En route to the second lesson with my money spent on lesson materials (for which they have yet to pay), the parent called me while I was on the subway there and said they didn't wished to continue! I am really rather upset because if they wanted to quit, they could have had the courtesy to call me the day before at least!!! Apparently, they preferred their old teacher (at a school) but the school moved away to an inconvenient location.

The lesson was an hour long (at 7:30 pm) and you are right, it is way too long for a young boy with concentration difficulties. In the middle of the lesson amidst all the interruptions with baby and the 4 year-old, he suddenly declared that he needed the loo and Mom had to help him with the loo (when I was 5, I distinctly remember going to the kindergarten loo by myself and washing my own hands but I really am not familiar with the normal development of kids this age, maybe girls mature earlier?). However, I live in Asia where parents are really pushy and competitive (they like to start their kids as young as possible with Suzuki etc. and make their kids do as many enrichment activities as possible) so it isn't surprising. I understand that the kid had teachers for other things too.

Honestly, I wanted to quit after the first lesson but I needed the money for now. I don't know how to break the news to my family. We really needed the income. It's just devastating when your students quit when you're a freelancer. I am really rather traumatized. I've taught 10-11 year-olds before and they were fine (because they were old enough to communicate with) but I really don't think I am suited to teaching young children.I think I won't accept students below 12 again after this experience.

The child in question had yet to learn his alphabet properly (he is in kindergarten) and could barely count up to ten and it was really hard to communicate basic concepts.

I have yet to be paid a single cent by the way. I hope the agency won't make trouble.

Oh dear it seems like you've had a really bad experience but as I said before don't be too hard on yourself.

You can't judge all kids of this age and their families by this one situation. Maybe it'd be wise to be more hesitant and careful before accepting another child this young but don't just dismiss it out of hand. You now know what to watch out for (the tell-tale signs as it were) All children will be different (as are adults) - just assess each pupil as they come along and make your decision based on what you see. Teenagers have their own complications.

As far as I can see here this was not your fault. Probably a plethora of things contributed to this situation. Maybe the mother saw sense and realised (as did you ) that this was not an acceptable situation but maybe she couldn't see a way round it.

Chalk it down to experience and move on. Good luck.

To be honest, after your original post I'm not surprised they have acted like that (no reflection on you but their total rudeness), but I do genuinely believe you have had a narrow escape, you can do without that kind of hassle, the mere fact that you were already en route when they deigned to call you, shows their complete lack of consideration. I know the money is useful, but you will build up your client base, with people who deserve your time.

Also don't judge all 6 year olds by this experience, they were clearly a nightmare family and the majority are well behaved and nice.

I trust that as you are working through an agency there are terms and conditions in place so they will owe you money in lieu of cancellation, also make sure the agency knows what you had to put up with.

Good luck

D x

I called the agency to report that they wanted to stop and the agency told me that they had sent a phonics teacher to the same family and she's been teaching the same boy for a month (sort of implying that it was my incompetence). Also, I have no idea what the family told the agency about me but no doubt it was nothing good. I have no control over that though.

The agent said the agency will pay me after the customer pays them and they deduct their commission (and no, I do not get paid for the lesson materials and the leftover lessons for the month). Since they canceled when I was nearly on their doorstep, they said they would pay for yesterday's lesson which is fair enough. I just hope the money arrives because I've heard of people in similar situations who didn't get paid by agencies when the families quit after less than a month.

I am really upset now. I know I should chalk it up to the "bad experience" dustbin of life but... And I haven't told my family yet. (cries)

It's not the first time I've had students quit on me but the first time things turned out so badly.

P.S. When the agent called me to check after the first lesson to see if everything was fine, I didn't tell him about the problems I encountered because I thought I would be able to keep the pupil and could sort out the issues with the family. Now it's my word against the parents'. I've learned a bitter lesson. I don't think this agency will send me work again at least.

When I accepted the assignment, I did tell the agent that I thought a six year old was too young and it may not work out. Now I know that I don't want to teach children unless they are old enough to understand simple English and go to the loo by themselves, especially boys.

Well there is a big difference between a phonics teacher for a 6 year old and a piano teacher.

If you are worried about the agency give them a call in a couple of days and see if they have any more work for you. Is it also worth trying to start off on your own without an agency.

I know things are tough for you, but you really are better off without that particular family, and if you feel more comfortable with older kids, make that specification from now on.

Very best of luck, things will be fine.

The agency has yet to pay me. It's been two weeks, I feel very hard done by.

Sakura, have you been reminding them at all? Is it possible that the agency haven't collected the money, or if they have are waiting for you to remind them. Do not let them make you feel guilty. You did the work, the home environment was impossible. If the mother has indicated anything else, it is most likely because she is embarrassed and might have suggested that you were at fault. Be firm, you taught as well, but the mother did not help provide a suitable environment for learning.

I have called the agency but they claimed the parent had not sent in the cheque yet. I hope they are not planning to rip me off.

I am really, really depressed.

This is my first post here, but I am very sympathetic to your plight.

Firstly, you have been plunged into a very difficult situation. I doubt that many people on here would teach effectively in the situation you describe.

Secondly, to only give a new teacher one lesson before moving them on is ridiculous! It takes time to build a relationship with a child and 20 or 30 minutes is nowhere near enough.

On the subject of the age children start at, I can only offer my own personal experience. My 2 girls both wanted to start string instruments, the older at the age of 3. We were laughed at in the local (now defunct ) music shop and I was told that I was a pushy parent. The fact is that my daughter was nagging several times a day for a cello. She had spent quite a lot of time since birth in rehearsals of various types and knew about the instrument. We found her a small enough instrument and a sympathetic teacher who gave her a great grounding from the age of 4, before deciding to stop teaching. We moved on to a super teacher and at the age of 10, my daughter is about to take grade 5. The younger child also started at age 4 on the violin with a keen young teacher who wanted to incorporate brain gym, rhythm games and singing into the lesson. Again, she is doing very well. Both girls could read when they started their lessons and seem to be academically able.

So much of it depends on the children and the attitude of the parents. I think that if you were to continue to teach children in their own homes from a young age, you should draw up some "rules" which are give to the parent at or before the first lesson. I would include things like an expectation of reasonable behaviour, going to the toilet before the start of the lesson and you will give regular progress reports to parents. If you make it all one way (e.g. the child will do x, y and z) it will be off-putting. Try to include some things you will do in return, perhaps a performance to parents/grandparents once each term.

Sorry this is so long, but good luck and don't let one bad experience of little ones put you off them all!

Much has been said on this forum on the subject of teaching very young children. Your story reminded me of the daughter of friends of mine who decided at age 3 that she wanted to play the violin. Her parents took her seriously and she is now playing in a top symphony orchestra. There will always be some very young ones who will be able to start playing at this sort of age and will do really well, and the only way to find out if they are able to do this is to give them the chance.

Sorry, a bit

And also - ginandtonic!

Sakura, you have got to get back out there and find some more pupils. Forget about the lesson that did not work. I've had more hopeless lessons (for all sorts of reason) than I can list here. Most of them were not my fault, and the ones which were? Well I chalk it down to experience, and look for another pupil.

You must not let those who mess you around alter how you think of yourself as a teacher or a person. It is very important that you do not let this destroy your confidence.

Can you advertise for free anywhere suitable, posters at a school for example, and start finding other pupils?

All the best and keep you chin up!

Your story reminds me of this 5 year old boy I have been teaching for a year. He is extremely hyperactive and can't seem sit still at the piano. At least thrice during a 30min lesson, he would be crawling up and down the seat, reaching for the pedals, banging on the piano with his hands(and sometimes feet!) and asking me if it sounded nice.

I used to reward him with stickers for good playing but i changed the system to reward him for good behaviour instead. eg "if you are a very good boy today you will get X number of stickers etc" this seems to work much better (though not 100% effective).

Well as you might have guessed, more often than not, we could only cover about 4 bars of music (on the 2nd beginner book), and one page of theory(with activities like colouring and matching stickers to notes etc.) Fortunately his parents are not the pushy sort who want their children to be music geniuses overnight. They were quite understanding and told me it was alright for him to just learn for leisure at his own pace till he gets older.

One incident that i found rather amusing. There was one day the boy was really distracted and unwilling to learn. As he is the competitive sort, his mother played along and I taught that few bars of music to his mother instead. She got it all right within a minute and I gave her two stickers 'for good behaviour' in front for the boy. He was so upset that his mother got more stickers than him (I gave him one) and started crying. But well, we decided to give him a chance and gave him another sticker after he promised to be a good boy the next lesson.

Forgive me for saying so, but it doesn't sound as if he's ready to have lessons. You must have a lot more patience than I have, and I have quite a lot! I teach young children, too, but wouldn't be able to cope with this kind of behaviour. If he is to continue, perhaps you need to re-structure the lessons so that you include lots of short (5 min.) activities to keep him focused. But maybe you're already doing this?

It's OK, 5 year olds can be taught, and they and you just need to find the right method! I think splitting the lesson into 5 minute chunks is a good idea, regardless of the age of the pupil, the older ones coping with 7-10 minute chunks.

I started at the age of 5, and I've taught some very successfully. Others, even a bit older have not been ready for one reason or another, or just need a different method.

Wonder how Sakura is doing?

Can you believe it? I'm still chasing the agency for money!!!

So many weeks and I still haven't been paid. I've made at least half a dozen phone calls.

More importantly, how is the business going for the future, do you have many more students yet?

Just a thought on a useful "mind-set" for teaching children. "Firm but fair" has been suggested and here's another idea ...

Many years ago I did some science teaching. I was a science graduate but no teacher training required at that point, so I was absolutely clueless - in my first chemistry lesson I handed out 24 spatulas for the little chaps to use, and guess how many got handed back ...?

Anyway, the point of this story is, that the advice that the head of dept gave me in terms of approach was - "Remember - warm but dominating". In the absence of any teacher training (and I am not sure what is the norm for piano teachers these days?) I think that is quite a useful mantra (but probably needs to be re-phrased to be more politically correct - maybe "Engaged but in charge" ..?)

Another point is that one of the advantages of teacher training, I've since learnt, is to be able to walk away from your initial mistakes, or should I say "learning experiences"... It's very common to make a hash of your first few lessons. Eventually I more or less got the hang of teaching, but the class of 15 year-olds I had had from day one (my clueless days) ALWAYS had the upper hand with me.

So - make some mistakes, learn and move on.

All the best

PatC

Sakura

It seems to go from bad to worse. I'm so sorry - and you haven't even been paid?

I don't know whether or not you want to continue with this child, but my first reaction was to see if the child could come to you. I don't know about you, but although my music room is cluttered by books, it is not by toys and other paraphernalia. Maybe it would be less distracting for the child to not only be away from the noise of his siblings, but also the familiarity of his own home.

Hope it works out ok. Little people are extremely hard work!