I was teaching a pupil a few days ago and she looked across at my wall calendar, which has PIANO EXAMS marked in for next Thursday. She said 'Piano exams?' and I said 'Yes, they're next Thursday', to which she replied 'Am I doing one?'

... so when you had picked yourself off the floor, you said "yes" presumably!!!

That's brilliant! Good to see she's on the ball.

love it!

I have an 8 year-old taking Grade 1 theory in March who had a lesson yesterday. I started by looking at the theory work he'd done at home and in a question about naming intervals, he'd put under a few of them 'etc'.
I asked him why he'd put this and he pointed out that the question said 'name the following intervals: (2nd, 3rd, 4th etc.)

I used to get this a lot when teaching English to French year 7 pupils. "Complete the following sentence with a possessive adjective (my, your etc.)" What really got me was the pupils who complained that the exercice was "unfair" because "etc." was never the right answer

After a while I just changed my questions and stopped putting examples.

Reminds me of a friend at school when we were set the future tense for french homework.

Her sentences all started 'Je testament donner', 'Tu testament aller' etc. because, when trying to translate 'I will give' she'd looked up 'will' in the dictionary and found 'testament' !!!

And it's not just the kids that say funny things . . .


Conversation between me and the mother of a boy who's been learning the piano for 18 months.

Mother: could we make an appointment for you to come round our house one day?
Me: er . . .(why ? don't do home visit lessons . . .)
Mother: to look at the piano ...
Me : well . . (assume she justs wants my opinion . . .)
Mother: if you could just tune it first and then give me a quote for re-doing the felts if they need it
Me: er, sorry, but I don't tune pianos, try the shop in town.
Mother: well, I know it's a bit specialised but I assumed that you could obviously tune a piano.
Me: Sorry madam, you assumed wrong !.

You inadequate person you

But then, piano teachers must be about the only music teachers who don't/can't tune their own instrument, so if you don't happen to know that already....

Be careful! Before you know where you are, she'll have you tarmacking drives and unblocking toilets as well!

Steve

My daughter came out of last week's piano lesson saying "X has given me a new piece to start learning at home but she said I might not like it very much because it's sad. Doesn't she know I love sad pieces."

As soon as we got home she sat down to try out the "sad" piece but was not convinced by her attempt so she asked me to play it. When I'd finished she said in disgust "X calls that sad, doesn't she know what sad means."
And then added as an after thought: "Do you think she's actually ever listened to any music"

Hah hah - brilliant.

A student of mine had been learning all about tied notes during one lesson.

The following week, to check she had retained the previous lesson, I pointed to two notes joined with a tie in a piece, and asked her 'what does this do?' which she promptly demonstrated, by holding the required note for the duration of both tied notes. I then asked her ' ..and what is it called?' After thinking for a bit and looking blank, I prompted her with a clue 'Gents wear them around the neck...?' A light bulb went on above her head ..'I KNOW!' she exclaimed, 'It's a CHAIN...'

DENMARK77

But - unlike most other instruments - it does not need re-tuning every 5 minutes. Perhaps we should all play Xylophones and Glockenspiels?

A student of mine was once playing a passage incorrectly - missing an accidental.

Me: "Erm..David.. it's a B natural!"
David shrugs and plays it again with a B flat.
Me: "B natural, David"
David shrugs again, and plays yet again with a B flat.
Me: "David, what exactly do you think B natural means?"
David: "Be yourself?"

A keyboard student, son of a local pastor, was looking at a piece I'd given him, and asked me "What's Gsus4?"

I couldn't help but reply "You should know, Tim - your Dad's a vicar!"

a girl in the year seven choir thought that Gsus above a church hymn actually meant Jesus, and that as it was a Catholic school we weren't allowed to write it out properly

I had a giggle today when one of my year one pupils burst out laughing and still giggling said 'middle c is sooo funny, it looks just like a rainbow....'

ummmm, 'oh yeah!' (who am I to take that image away from her! haha)

still not quite sure about where that came from though!?

Year 2 violinist asked son at school orchestra, "How do you get your oboe into its case? Do you shrink it?"

I was asked to perform at a wedding, and the couple had requested a specific piece to be played as the bride entered the church: "Jeez, You Joy of Man's Desiring" by J.S. Bach. My return letter did clarify that they did in fact mean "Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring."

Two to add:

One very posh (in her opinion) and superior-seeming lady once wrote me a note saying she would so like her child to learn something beautiful, like Beethoven's 'Fleur d'Elys'. (A quiet word with the child confirmed that this was indeed Fur Elise).

A friend of mine went to a wedding where the bride and groom had asked for the theme music to Robin Hood, only they, being youngish, meant Kevin Costner's version and the organist being 'ancient' had the bride walking down the aisle to Walt Disney's 'Robin Hood, Robin Hood, riding through the glen'. The congregation were cracked up but I'm not sure the bride saw the funny side.

ROFL!! Thanks everyone, my husband and I have been having a good giggle at this thread. I can't think of anything really amusing right now but will keep checking back!

I don't know if I've told this story before.

Years ago whilst a student I worked in a shop. There were two staff with the same name. One day the manageress was cracked up laughing over XY taking 3 days off because the cat had died. At which point XA looked at her and said"that wasn't XY that was me"

Not some thing said, during the same time frame an elderly man came rushing into the shop. Nothing too unusual at that at first glance. Then we noticed that he was wearing his hat, coat, scarfe, shoes and PJ bottoms The other two ran in the back in hysterics and I had to serve him with a straight face

He made a mistake with his order and had to come back later claiming he'd "come out in a bit of a rush earlier"

Not quite music but;

A wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to her six-year old daughter and said 'would you like to say the blessing?'. 'I wouldn;t know what to say', the girl replied. 'Just say what you hear mummy say,' the wife answered. The daughter bowed her head and said, 'Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?.

Children have a habit of repeating, word for word, exactly what you shouldn't have said!!!

To a child struggling with dynamics, I asked "What does espressivo mean?"

Child looked blank, then suggested "A kind of coffee?"

I was going through a list of Italian terms last night with a 9 year old who's taking Grade 2 theory in March. We got to 'giocoso' and her book said 'gay, merry' - I was about to quickly give her a better translation, when she said 'you know there are two meanings for gay - the old fashioned one means happy but nowadays it means when a boy likes another boy' - and she gave me a very amused look. It made me realise that not only do little people like her know things that I certainly didn't know at 9, but that they can talk about them in a very matter-of-fact way.

Not quite in the same vein ...my last pupil yesterday, putting her coat on to go home, commented 'I'm very hungry!'

Slightly surprised, I realised they do have quite a little journey home, 10 minutes on foot and then by public transport. Mum commented 'you can have your tea when you get in'.

I took pity on the child and offered her a slice of bread and butter to eat going down the road.

It was only when I got back in the room I realised she had been eyeing my packet of polos sitting on the cupboard. Mum probably realised it at the time, and would have been amused to see her fobbed off with a slice of bread

This reminds me of a colleague (some years ago now) with a daughter, I think only 6 at the time
They had had a bit of a wild party one summer evening.
Next morning , her husband , in clearing up , suddenly came out with ' Sue, would you believe there's a used condom on the patio' . Little girl pipes up. 'Mummy what's a patio?'

My son, aged 11, was sitting in the back of the car and asked rather quietly :

"Mum, what does 'bi' mean ?"

I took a deep breath and launched into a rather decent explanation of being bi-sexual, trying hard to be matter-of-fact, not too prudish but pitching it at the right level for an 11 year-old.

I paused for breath, quite pleased with myself when he said:

"Yeah Mum but what's that got to do with lawnmowers ?"

Like you, I was completely at sea until we passed a billboard hoarding where, being in France, there was an advert up for a new sort of lawnmower which both cuts and mulches and so was being marketed as a 'bi-' lawnmower !!!

Oh gosh! I bet her parents were terrified of what she would say next!

Ok, 'fess up - how many of these are made up and didn't actually happen? I reckon at least two... You know who you are!

Imagine if a bean bag really was filled with baked beans

Today during music class, we were discussing orchestras (we should have been practicing...naughty naughty!) when my best friend pipes up with "Hey, wouldn't it be so cool if there was an orchestra for voices?!" without missing a beat (pun intended) my equally best friend dived in with "Yes dear, it's called a choir." The music teacher nearly fainted when she heard about it! Hilarious!

Had a young student of mine trying to sort out a deal.
He thought that it would be good if I took free haircuts instead of his grandma having to pay for his lessons.
His mum owns the salon I use.

Sounds like a lad who'll go far

One haircut every week??!!! That's a lot of hair removed and not much left on one's head!!!

Hilarious!!



I often get emails asking if I have any pianos for sale, but no-one has asked me to tune their piano yet!

Many years ago (aged 8) I got taken out of lessons, with 2 of my friends for aural tests. At the end, we got asked if we would like to learn the violin...

Imagine me telling my mum...
Mum: So what did you say?
Me: Well X said yes, and Y said yes..
Mum: and what did DAWN say?
Me: I told them my MUM would MURDER me!!!

She had never liked hearing people in the early stages of violin learning, and had commented (in good heart) to me months before. Not suprisingly, I got marched to see the headmistress first thing the next day, with her apologising and very red faced, and luckily got the last violin!!!

Not musical, but Christmassy.
At my friend's son's nativity play, he was one of the kings.
Unfortunately his phrasing wasn't quite right for his first line: "We've come to see the baby, Jesus it's a long way"

Another Christmassy one. I saw a friend this evening who works in a special school. Many of their kids have tourettes. The shepherds turn up at the manger and mary says "I don't know why you've come there's no ****ing baby here".....someone had forgotten to put the baby in the crib!

I noticed one here about playing the wrong piece at a wedding....kind of related....many years ago with the church folk group I was playing at 2 weddings in one day. Our pianist was highly competent and rarely actually followed the music in front of her. At the first wedding we came to playing "Make me a Channel..." and she looked at the wrong version. She counted us in for the intro, all started playing and it sounded awful. She was playing the tune we play but in the wrong key.....it was a fourth higher than it should have been. The singers weren't too impressed when they got to the high notes! We had to play it again at the second wedding........

My youngest pupil came yesterday - she's just turned 6 and has been learning piano for about 10 months. She's quiet, and not very forthcoming sometimes

Yesterday we were trying to play "Silent Night" quietly (her default is mf all the time) As she tried to play it as quietly as possible she was sometimes not quite getting the notes to sound, and then piped up in a rare moment of vocalism "When I'm playing in a concert in front of lots of people, what happens if I can't get the notes to sound?"

Glad to see she's so ambitious I just said that when she did that, we would make sure she had a run through beforehand to get used to the piano

Chritmassy rather than musical, but gave me a giggle: -

Talking to my toddler in the car I said 'Later on we can go and see Father Christmas at the Christmas parade. There might even be some Reindeer'

Reply: ' Oh, we better bring our Umbrellas then dear!'

It's taken me a few minutes to stop laughing at that!! Went to my older son's nativity a few weeks back, where the following gems came up:

- The carol of "While Shepherds Watched" was started by a little boy singing solo. But he sang it as "Wild Shepherds"
- The narrator kept referring to the Virgin Mary as the Urgent Mary.

Advanced toddler

Some of these are really funny

Thanks for making me smile.

I was telling a pupil about the parts of a violin, and said "These are the F holes"
He replied, "What a funny name - Effles!"

Unmusical related but i also teach gymnastics to very young children - between 3 and 10.
I get all sorts of hilarious remarks Once they asked how old i was, i replied that i was 19, and they asked "When you turn 20 are you going to get married?"
And when i got my hair cut short several of them asked if i was now a boy

Both my daughters concluded, somewhere between the ages of three and four, that: "Daddy can't speak English because he's a man."

I got this off a 6 year old boy:
Boy: are you a man now?
Me: do i look like a man?!
Boy: ......yup

Funny as i'm the most girly feminine person ever! Another girl CONSTANTLY asks me if im wearing a wig, i let her pull my hair to prove it's real yet she asks every week...

Another 6 year old girl just pulled the remainer of my short hair away from my face and went "HEY BALDY!"

.....they love me really...... honest.....

Moral of the story: always keep long hair around children, anything less will be unacceptable to them