Hi All Vilonists
I am really stuck at the moment i am a grade 2 student and have no friends due to playing this instrument i have two options give up or Try and make friends but i get called names also i am looking for a pen pal thats twelve to fourteen that plays violin and wants a friend
Please help becks

I don't want to let this post go unanswered. Unfortunately I'm too old to be a pen-pal but you have my sincere sympathies.

I think all musicians and most creative people will be singled out for fun-pulling and things and you must try to rise above it, not by being snooty but just be pleasant when the chance arises. Let people realise you want to do your own thing a little - music and whatever else but you're happy to be friendly. Your time will come when you play in concerts and other events.

Most people of your age don't realise that they are being trained by big business to be "good consumers" and good television-watchers, doing whatever that seductive voice on the ads tells them to do. Sheeple, they're called. People of your age who want to drive their own lives are in the minority. Is that so bad? It's what makes you special.

So, why not post here when you have a moment - meet others who will gradually get to chat - there are quite a few teenage musicians here - and you can take heart that you are FAR from alone. Who knows, you may make a pen-pal or two?

So smile, be very happy you are into practical music - it will be million times more a lifelong ally than those giving you gip!

All the best,
R

You may have heard people say, "School days are the happiest days". Don't believe it. It may be true for some people, but it wasn't for me, and it probably isn't for lots of good musicians who get more enjoyment out of music the more they learn about it.

I don't complain about my schooling - I was better taught in maths and physics than a lot of people are nowadays - but I do recall that it was often unpleasant at primary level, got better in my first grammar school and became better still when I entered the sixth form, mainly because my fellow students became more polite and less violent.

Meanwhile, find out if there are any musical groups that meet out of school, perhaps on Saturday mornings; your teacher will know. If you can join one of those, you will meet people like yourself and make friends. Also, you will probably enjoy more the sort of music that puts your violin with other instruments. I was lucky in that my uncle conducted the local brass band and I joined it when I was 13.

Oh Becks sweetie,

Sorry to hear that some of the other kids are calling you names. I had some problems like that at school, so my heart goes out to you. I notice that you are giving yourself just the two choices - either to make friends with people or to give up. And I'm wondering about another choice - spend a little less time playing so you have more free time to make friends, i.e. do both.

There are lots of young people here on the Board who are really nice, so maybe they can become your penpals. Would we call them "Keyboard" Pals?!

Also, Kenm's suggestion sounds good - to look for local music groups. Either your teacher, or maybe phone a couple of other music teachers, might be able to put you in touch with other people.

I'm glad you wrote your message here so that we can reply.
Take care of yourself poppet,



Amber
x

Hi Becks
DO NOT GIVE UP YOUR VIOLIN
I'm sorry to hear what its like for you, I have had exactly the same (and worse).

If music is something you love, don't let these kids put you down, you are more talented then they are.

I have recently had to not see my two best friends (we were at school together, but then we all went to different colleges and I haven't yet managed to make many good friends. Ok none would be correct).

But whatever you do DO NOT GIVE UP YOUR VIOLIN. Its not worth it. Are there any people at your school interested in music who you could become friends with?

Don't stress, I have been called everything under the sun! Since I am a flute player, I have had all the jokes from American Pie. And worse than names, but we won't go into that!

But I am at college now and people are slightly more grown up, although I am guessing you are around the age of 13 (since you want a penpal aged 12-14) college is a long way off!

Is there anyone else on their own in your class? Someone else who is bullied the same as you are?

Next time they call you names smile nicely and say "Yes, but I have talent and you don't" And they will be lost for words and won't be able to say anything back.

But don't them show it bothers you, they just keep on doing it otherwise!

Let us know how you get on babe
Helen x

QUOTE

Since I am a flute player, I have had all the jokes from American Pie.

You too?! The most annoying thing is, I've never bothered to watch the films, so the jokes meant nothing too me, which made everyone laugh even more!


And Becks, don't give up on your violin, it really isn't worth it, and later on, playing an instrument will help you meet so many new people. I know its worked out that way for me. Llike Helen, I'm at college, but I've only just left school, and I also had a similar problem at school, all of my frined though it was downright werd that I played an instrument, they couldn't see the point of it, and those thatw eren't my friends, well that was even worse.

At least on here you'll (as I did) fnd lots of likeminded and supportive people.

hi, i know what it feels like to be called strange. when i started playing a traombone every1 laghed and sed "ha your ###### you'll never be able to play that your to stupid" but i carryed on and now i'm quite good and i'm now starting to do grades. my piont. keep at it you will get better trust me m8

Sorry about the second post, but this thought only just came to me.

If you can't make any friends who like music, try joining a guide unit? I made loads of friends there, and when you are 14 you can join senior section/rangers which rocks! and you get to do soooo many great things, like this summer me and 5 other girls are being challenged to go 'on the run' through europe and carry out different tasks in each country! Those friends stay with you for ever!

And you could even meet musical people there! I know a girl there who is in the city of birmingham chorus and another who is a grade 5 violinist and one is a guide and one is a ranger too.

Oh, and have a look in your library as well, there could be bands etc advertised there.

If your friends will not support you in achieving what you want to achieve, they are not your friends. They sound like bog standard school bullies to me.

Persevere.

One day they will be trying to remember the words to pop songs whilst you stand under the girl's balcony and serenade her with the Salut d'Amour.

QUOTE (thelittleviolinist @ Dec 5 2004, 09:10 PM)

Hi All Vilonists I am really stuck at the moment i am a grade 2 student and have no friends due to playing this instrument i have two options give up or Try and make friends but i get called names also i am looking for a pen pal thats twelve to fourteen that plays violin and wants a friend Please help becks

Ohhh, no....

I agree with Amber - why not take both options. If someone turns up prepared to be a friend, go with the flow. Sooner or later you'll make friends more in your line. Are you the only one at school who plays music?

You won't be able to give up the violin if you like playing - you may think you can but you'll feel a great gap in your life and probably regret later. So be ready to be friends while keeping to your music schedule as best you can.
Don't be aloof. Don't back-answer the taunts. I made that mistake only to inflame my antagonists. Just wander away if it gets too bad. Bullying is an 'in' word and every brusque comment is classed as that but most people have to put up with a bit of teasing at school.

Visit here. Some nice advice and nice people. And some strange ones!

Wyld Veronique.

Hi Becks. I will be please to be your pen pal . I'm not sure whether if you want me as a pen pal because I have just stop my violin classes but I still love and play violin in my spare time. Those people who call you names are so narrow minded. By the way, please don't give up your violin. Please reply soon.

P.S : I'm fourteen (just have my birthday). MERRY CHIRSTMAS TO ALL ( even though Chistmas is still not here yet ). Smile always Becks. . All the best to you Becks.

NEVER give up, it'll make you feel as if there is a massive hole in your life if you enjoy playing.

I'm lucky that in my school there is a large amount of musicians, you get a couple in each class, and if you wander down to the music room, people are more than willing to talk to you. Why don't you check out your music room at breaktimes and lunchtimes?

I hope everything improves for you, and it will, never give up your music as it will give you such an oppertunity to meet people when you are older.

Hi! I am sorry that people have been making your life a misery. As other people have said you're miles better than them! About the comment about joining Saturday groups, in September I joined a wind band (I play the flute), and I now am friends with the whole flute section which is about 12 people. Plus they will all be interested in music. A thought about flute pen pals, why don't you ask your teacher if they teach somebody who is your age and ability? As you see from the replies, many people are here to be your online friend, they wouldn't have replied otherwise. Plus, even though I am 15 and play the flute (sorry don't meet your requirements!) I would like to be your penfriend. There is also the Viva Violin board, where you would find lots of people who play the violin and would be interested to talk about any aspect of it!!! I would love to hear from you, PM me if you're interested in being my penpal
Nicki x

Hey now there you go - lots of replies. I hope you feel encouraged Becks.

You may just be unlucky at the moment with your particular peer group - it may not always be that way! Just hang in there - probably some of your classmates would love to be able to play but wouldn't admit it!

I'm probably old enough to be your mum - at least! anyway don't meet your requirements for a pen-friend, but all the same, let us know how you get on!

cheers
Maggie

Becks, I agree with what everyone else has said: DON'T GIVE UP. I've sent you a PM. Good luck.

Don't give up the violin! i had the same problem because i was young when i started violin and no one else played so i was different. i joined an orchestra and made loads of great friends! and you can always talk to us here!

a little behind the times but... totally agree with everyone. don't let people tell you you are weird or stupid for loving music - they are SO wrong! I think everybody who's any good at music probably goes through that, unless they are incredibly selfconfident and can brush the criticism off. a lot of musical people tend to be introverted, which doesn't help our cause much! but hang in there... join some music groups, get chatting with a few people on here... the friends you make who are interested in the same things you are will be more fun probably anyway to hang round with than people who think that what you are interested in is silly! and you will be pleased you kept going in a few years time when you can play beautiful music! and as you grow up you will find others will too... I was called names all through school, and on into 6th form... it wasn't nice but I survived, and once you get out into the real world, people will be envious of the one who kept on with music lessons, rather than saying you are weird.

QUOTE (chateauferret @ Dec 7 2004, 12:16 AM)

One day they will be trying to remember the words to pop songs whilst you stand under the girl's balcony and serenade her with the Salut d'Amour.

That's funny, I thought Becks was a girl's name... Anyway, don't give up violin, as you'll regret it when your older - they only tease you because they are too stupid to play an instrument! Besides, you can use your violin for self-defence too... WHACK! and then they will tease you no more! Think of yourself as lucky, I can't do that with a piano! Yeah, I know, perhaps not the best behaviour to encourage, but at least when they're mocking you, you can imagine it happening. Or altenatively, when you become rich and famous, they'd have to be watching in awe from their prison cells as you have bought your 5th mansion and you can laugh at them, as you endured through all their mockery, and carried on playing the violin; they thought it was a stupid thing to play, and look where it got them!

Awww Becks!! I know EXACTLY how you feel. I've been playing the violin for longer than I've been at school - I've been to three schools, and at all of them I've had some form of abuse because of the amount of music I play. Don't listen to them. They're just jealous, or they just don't appreciate how much time the violin takes up.

To reinforce what everyone else has been saying: join an orchestra with other people your age. (I was a bit unfortunate in this respect: because I had been playing for longer than other people my age, I generally got put into orchestras with people a lot older than me and I couldn't really socialise properly).

The violin is a gorgeous instrument and once you're in an orchestra you'll discover that it is an absolutely fantastic way to make friends. Please don't give it up.

Although it might seem that giving up is the only way to get along in school, don't believe it, because "they" will have won. Persevere and show them that you won't let them make your decisions for you. Give them time to grow up, and it's likely that they'll be fascinated by your musical abilities.