Hi all,

I just wanted to share a moment of triumph. I have been teaching my daughter piano, but since she is only 3 (soon to be 4) I am trying to teach her without seeming to teach her (if you know what I mean!)

A few weeks back I heard her trying to do a smooth scale (instead of the one finger stab that had been her preferred method) so I showed her how the thumb needs to go under under on the fourth note (we are obviously working on C major for now!) She does it slowly but she has pretty much got it.

I am delighted since in the last year or two I had backed off on "piano teaching" because my daughter seemed to have lost interest and my asking "do you want to play some piano" had become counter-productive.

For the time being she seems to have regained her interest. I wonder if it is the motivation to earn a sweetie that is driving her? Currently she gets a "reward" if she does well - it seems fair, sometimes if I practice well I get a reward too (bottle of beer )

I guess an underlying theme is that parents who play music will want their children to also love music. But as all parents know, directing your kids to something is often like pushing on a piece of string. So, I am just delighted that she seems to enjoy music at the moment.

N

That's fantastic it's lovely when young children enjoy music, it sets them up so well for later life it's very impressive that she's got the thumb under thing so early, I started learning just before I was thirteen and it took me ageees to get the hang of it! So very well done to your daughter!

If you can get the right balance, teaching your own kids can be a great thing for both sides.

I still daily thank a certain teacher for declaring my 3 year old 'wild and unteachable' because it pushed me into teaching him violin myself. He is currently enjoying his Oxford music degree...

Actually he was wild. But we did tiny 'lesson' chunks of one or two or three (at a pinch) minutes, maybe 10 times each day, to suit his mood and receptivity. It was good for him to learn to learn!

I have yet to find such a positive slant on our lost teacher but have been secretly gleeful lately. Daughter had a grim time with piano - lovely teacher but for a reason I never fathomed she didn't like teaching my kid and made it more and more difficult for us to get to lessons and after 2-3 years dumped her at age 11 and Grade 3 [thick mother - should have taken hint far sooner and found a different teacher]. Life progressed, as did other instruments, and piano was forgotten... until she decided she wanted to apply to university for music. EEK, grade 6 piano was a common requirement. Great (and heroic) teacher took her on in July and she got Grade 5 distinction in December. She's also hugging some good offers from universities that on the face of it require Grade 6 piano (lessons are continuing).

Until we changed Piano Teacher 2 years ago there was little or no progress on Piano. It's amazing what a change and some determination can achieve

In our case, it's despite her mother rather than, as in your case, because of. Luckily she doesn't seem to hold it against me

I have wondered whether I would teacher her when she is older, or whether it would be better to have the separation of role. I am a school teacher so I am conscious of the difference between being "the teacher" and being "dad".

It's always touching to hear tales of how kids (or adults) return to an instrument. I returned to keyboards aged 20 (while at Uni), but only returned to proper piano lessons in my mid 30s. Does your daughter's grade 6 need to be passed before this summer? There's some extra pressure!

N

It has been so nice to see her enjoy, despite the pressure, something she struggled with and felt she was no good at when she was younger.

Regarding your question about Grade 6, that's an interesting point. No she doesn't need it now at all, although she wil of course need to keep improving her piano skills. The nail-biting bit was the application process. There was a risk some (even all) of the universities would reject her because she didn't have it, or look as if she would achieve it by the time she went. The offers, on the other hand, only stipulate A-level grades. I am not sure the UKAS system allows universities to stipulate anything other than academic grades in their conditional offers; I think their only option is to reject you without making an offer if you don't have a non-academic requeirement - and she took a chance on that and got away with it. I wouldn't recommend it as a strategy because she's working her socks off and has dropped a much-loved A-level to give her space and time to do all the practice (with another 2 instruments, it adds up), but for her it's what works.

Sorry, this has rather sidetracked the thread. Good luck to the little one who was the subject of the original post - and indeed all the young people mentioned. (Remember: How do you get to Carnegie Hall? Practise, practise, practise)

It's very rewarding when they start to enjoy something previously seen as a chore. I'm glad your daughter took a chance and got the course she wanted.

As parents it's very difficult to know if we are doing the right thing. As long as parent and child can agree on the course of action at the time that's as much as we can do.

You're being much more diplomatic than I was as my daughter's teacher, although I took the opportunity to teach her during the holidays rather than during term time initially when she was in reception class, because I found she was more receptive and less tired.

We did quite well and rubbed along ok, although we did have our battles as mother and daughter, not seeing quite eye to eye. She arrived at G5 during GCSE year, so we didn't do the exam, and then (by virtue of her skills as a violinist and singer) she was given a music scholarship which meant she acquired a free piano teacher too, who took her through to G6 which she took and got a merit, which given it was her 3rd instrument, and the night before the exam she said "why am I doing this - do I really want G6 piano etc etc" I was more than satisfied with.

I think on reflection, perhaps as child gets older, it may be better to hand over to another teacher - one that you're happy is doing a good job. Then at least you can pat yourself on the back for having given her good foundations.

I'm a mum of two violinists and a peripatetic violin teacher and your thoughts echo mine. My daughters are rather older than yours - think to the future by all means, but do enjoy the present.

Daughter no1 asked to learn the violin from about 5 and I was unsure whether this was because it was what I did, or because it would be the instrument for her. I was also unsure about the dynamics of teaching my own child so, as she had been experimenting with the piano for some time we arranged for a collegue to teach her piano, which she took to like a duck to water. After Grade 1 piano (during which I tried to interfere as little as possible!) I bought a small violin and taught her myself until secondary school, by which time it was becoming apparent that the mother/daughter/parent/teacher/pupil mix was in need of a change. she continued playing at school and for County and regional orchestras but piano has remained her first love.

Daughter no2 is very different - from about 3 she used to try to play our small violin and I did just what you have described, gently showing her things which she would wander around the house trying out. We also did some dancing and singing, letting all-round musical skills develop with the violin 'following'. Very gradually I moved towards notation through a small childrens' starter book but only when she was comfortable finding and pitching the sounds for herself. Throughout primary school I let her 'lead' what she wanted to play to a large extent (there is always a LOT of music lying around in my music room and I would make sure that there was a selection of tunes that she would like that were easy to find), stopping off a couple of times to polish pieces off for an exam. As secondary school approached I really had begun to feel that her progress was such that she would really benefit from someone else's input and not just mine but every time I suggested having some 'really good lessons' from another teacher she insisted that she really wanted me to continue teaching her. It wasn't until she was 11 (and preparing for grade 5) that I even persuaded her to have a couple of 'coaching' sessions with another teacher and eventually another few months before we committed to regular 'outside' lessons. Daughter2's playing is absolutely thriving and she is happy and now adores her 'outside' teacher. I make a big effort to show my daughter that I do not interfere at all with what she is working on with her teacher, however we still have a lot of fun playing and exploring duets and other small ensemble pieces together at home.

Two very different daughters, two very different situations. It's great that you can share so much fun with something that you and your daughter have in common. There are other posters on here who have also had experience of teaching their own offstpring and each will have a different story. You can use the search facility - something like 'teaching your own child' should give you a few hits to start with.

Good luck, enjoy the journey.

"I think on reflection, perhaps as child gets older, it may be better to hand over to another teacher - one that you're happy is doing a good job. Then at least you can pat yourself on the back for having given her good foundations. biggrin.gif"

I agree with this which reflects my experience.

For a tiddler or junior school-aged child I think teaching them yourselves, if you can and feel comfortable doing it, is ideal.

You're so much more flexible in terms of times (skip a week if she seems tired, have two lessons the next week, use the weekends or holidays for lessons as opposed to rushing around like a mad thing after school when they want to come home and watch TV etc. etc.
You know your child so much better, your child at that age (usually!) loves pleasing you, it's a very rewarding and easy thing to do (there are always certain parent-child confrontations that you wouldn't have with a stranger but that's just part of normal life, it's not necessarily bad).

Later, as teenagers, I think often a change is a good idea. It may well be time for a change of approach anyway and it can be a difficult age - you don't need potential piano disputes on top of everything else.

I remember a couple of years ago, one of the prize winners (violin) of the Queen Elisabeth Competion in Brussels was taught exclusively by her father. She was 17 at the time of the competition, I think she played the Tchaikovsky concerto, but I am not sure.

That's reminded of a program I saw a while back about "genius" children. Many of them were obviously musical too (as we would all expect). In many cases though the kids were a little odd, but some of the parents were seriously weird.

Luckily, I realise that my musical ability is not at a level where I can get seriously heavy with my daughter and her music playing. Also, since she started music at a young age, I assume if she continues with it (even at a leisurely pace) she will be better than me by about age 13. I'm sure my ego can take it!

N

With the proviso that I am not of the calibre to teach someone who aspires to major competitions, I would also feel undue stress I think, if I were the parent teaching my child to this level. For this reason too, I do not accompany my children's exams (they sing, play trumpet, violin etc). It's bad enough being Mum and having responsibility for checking they have everything, turn up to the exam (or wherever) venue on time etc.