Hi, I am new here and I have a question about my daughter learning piano. She is nearly 7 and started learning piano in year 1 (aged 5.5 - maybe too young?) She is very bright and saw her big sister learning and wanted to start too. She started having lessons at school but I wasn't very happy with the teaching (along with several other parents) so I found another teacher who comes home to us.

However now I am finding that the lessons are becoming a struggle, she doesn't enjoy the practice and it's all becoming a bit of a trial. Although she is bright, she isn't terribly well co-ordinated and I'm wondering if it's the right instrument for her. Part of me thinks maybe she should have a break for a while, but will she then forget everything she's learnt? I play the piano myself and could help her but I think if we stopped lessons we would get out of the swing of it. Also, I always remember my own experience when I learnt piano as a child: I didn't enjoy it and often wanted to give up, but luckily my mum persevered and eventually I started to really enjoy it. I would be grateful for any advice, thanks.

I would honestly ask your daughter to keep going for a bit longer. Maybe you can reason with her, ask her to give it three more months and if she doesn't like it for sure then she can stop. Also, maybe you can look for easy sheet music of songs that she likes or are popular, that might convince her to keep playing but I think the main thing here is if she truly wants to learn and play or not. If she definitely does not want to do it anymore then by all means, she should stop.

This is a difficult question and needs careful handling. I remember when my daughter was about that age. She would become really stuck and not progress. Sometimes it seemed such a battle. I always made practice fun though. I don't know whether others will disapprove, but I kept a box full of mini Smartie packs and she got one after every practice, along with praise for what had gone well and questions about how it could be better next time. Sweetie rewards work wonders, especially if like my daughter, that was the only time sweets were allowed!!

Somehow, once those early days were over, things moved on rapidly. The sweet rewards are long gone. Daughter practices on her own now (she is a teenager). It was certainly worth persevering.

Rather than a head on approach, try to find a way round, but don't give up!!

Violinma

Just to put another point of view, I myself started piano lessons at the age of 5 and ended up stopping after grade 2 because I got bored with my slow progress. I just didn't have the stamina at that age to do enough practice. I was determined not to start my own children on formal lessons until they were well established oin junior school, and they both started in year 4 and never looked back.

I'm not saying that no child is ready for formal lessons at age 5 or 6, I just know that in my own case it ruined piano for me and I didn't restart formal lessons until in my 20s. However, both my children did a lot of piano play from an early age, and both of them were keen to take up the offer of proper lessons when it was made. Because they'd already learnt to read music and relate what they saw on the page to the piano keys, progress was quicker and more satisfying to them.

As you play the piano yourself, why not let your youngest stop formal lessons for now and make playing a fun activity for her. Buy some simple tune books that you know she won't find difficult, and let her enjoy herself. All the tough stuff like using the right fingers and learning scales can be left until she's a bit older.

Most of all, trust your own instincts and do what you feel is right for your own child. People on forums can say what they would do in your position, but none of us knows your daughter as you do!

Perhaps a change of approach by the teacher is required - or a change of teacher? There are so many wonderful fun books to choose from. If your daughter is getting bogged down with her current materials and routine, then change them! Progress can be quite slow at this age, so lots of different fun pieces are required in order to keep up motivation.

Hi,

I have 2 girls age 8 and one just turned 6. Eldest started piano age 7 and youngest age 5 and the progress is definitely slower in the younger child. Obviously all children are different, but I remember it took the 5 yo much longer to obtain a sense of rhythm and her rate of learning is quite slow progress even though she is quite bright too. She does moan a bit about practice but she still does 15mins a day.

I was speaking to a teacher at a music event the other day who's sons both learnt and she said don't ever offer the opportunity to give up, rather try and incorporate it into the routine. I know its easier said than done! However I think she has a point, as my eldest who used to moan now seems to just accept it (she was the one who instigated the lessons in the first place) and I offered for her to give up as I didn't want to force her but she wanted to continue.

So maybe as someone said just don't worry about specific progress and do lots of games on the piano, making up tunes together, rhythm games, finding notes on the keyboard etc. Hopefully all these things will retain her knowledge whilst she has a slight break. After all they have years to learn.

Have you tried kids theory books by Nina Lng (I hope spelt correctly). You can find on amazon or Musicroom.com. My 6 year old likes tunes for ten fingers and wants to do more theory (puzzles, quizzes to her). Also www.makingmusicfun.net is a good site for resourses, with lots of work sheets and online games.

I also think that if she was the one who expressed interest in the first place then its really important to keep her interest going. At some point, she'll probably start to enjoy it again, just like your experience as a child. Welcome to the forums!!

As a parent and a piano teacher I agree with the : don't give them the option of giving up.

I know it sounds Dickensian but I feel school/learning is compulsory because it challenges the brain, sport is compulsory because it keeps a healthy body and music is complusory because it broadens the soul.

On the other hand, don't expect anything unrealistic. Compulsory doesn't mean has to be done to the max.

Does your daughter not get on well with her teacher ? Is she bored ? Maybe a chat with the teacher/change of approach/ possibly a new teacher/ taking lessons in a group of two with a friend/whatever is called for.

Also, how much do you expect her to practise ? When my son was in his most 'would give up if I had the option' mode, I basically let him not practice during the week on the basis he'd make up for lost time in the holidays. It wasn't ideal, others progressed a lot faster but he was happy with that and it kept him going until the desire came back.

As a teacher, most little ones who give up never take it up again, they rather feel they've 'done' piano.

I'd try and keep it ticking over and you may well find it soars again in 6 months time.

At the end of the day it is her decision if she really does want to give up the piano, however in my experience, I was the same at her age (I have been playing the piano since i was 4), and I got to the stage where I hated it, and that I wanted to give up, and have nothing to do with music any more.

I am no an undergraduate at the University of Huddersfield studying for a BMus degree in Music, and hate to think what I would be doing now if I had given up the piano all those years ago. My first study now is Trumpet in which I have gained the DipABRSM in performance, but I started that age 11.

If I were you I would try and encourage her to carry on. I found that there was a time when it suddenly clicked, and when I wanted to learn, and when the progress started to increase. Piano is a slow instrument to learn in general. I started at the age of 4, and did my grade 8 when I was 18 (14 years later), however on trumpet I started at age 11, and did grade 8 when I was 16 (only 5 years later). But I would feel lost without being able to play piano. It is such an asset to anyone, and lots of people say to me now, I wish I could do that.

All the best, and I hope that has been some use!

I would definitely agree that you shouldn't give them an option. Children have to do lots of things they don't want to, like saying please and clearing the table. That doesn't mean it has to be an unbearable chore. I never had the choice of whether or not to have piano lessons and I'm delighted that I didn't because i would certainly have stopped. And I didn't like practisingf (who does?) but I learnt a tremendous amount and liked the showing off parts of learning an instrument.

My youngest is showing a lot of promise at the cello but I'm having to gently rein in his teacher's ambitions. She'd like him to practise all day every day but although he likes the cello that isn't what he wants, and i don't think he'll be a professional musician, and if I made him do that he'd be put right off. But he isn't going to stop. We have to strike a happy medium of what suits him and what he has to do.

Thank you for all the replies.

Oh dear, I've done completely the wrong thing. My daughter gave up a few weeks ago. I really tried to keep it going, make it fun etc...but she really really didn't want to do it any more. Plus she didn't like the teacher. As a parent there are only so many battles you can fight and I couldn't be doing with the sulks, stroppiness/tantrums every week.

I am actually kicking myself over this. Both my daughters originally started learning piano with the school's peripetetic teacher. They liked him but after a while I realised (along with several other parents) that his teaching methods were terrible. The lessons weren't cheap and I felt they were a waste of money. So then I found this other teacher who has been brilliant. But they both decided they didn't like her and so have both now given up...

In a way I wish I had kept them on with the school teacher. He wasn't great but as least they liked him and might have kept going.

My oldest daughter (nearly 9) now wants to learn the flute but I have explained to her that if she starts there is no giving up! She is very keen. But it's a shame about the piano. Do you think maybe I should try again in a year or so with my younger one?

Thanks again for the advice - this is a great forum.

I don't think you have done the wrong thing, Claire1, if your daughter really wasn't enjoying piano any more; at not quite 7, she shouldn't be forced to do lessons. Also, I'm not convinced that the teacher was the right one for your children if neither of your daughters liked her; no teacher can enthuse every child they teach, and however brilliant she seemed to you, she didn't manage to make piano fun for your children.

Do you often play the piano when your children are around to listen? If they see you enjoying playing, sometimes they may want to be included. If you can gradually draw your youngest into wanting to learn again, it would be worth trying a different teacher in a year or two.

Just a suggestion and change of approach but could you find a local Kodaly based music group which she could join or a teacher who can do some Kodaly based activities. This would develop the musicianship without necessarily focusing so much on playing the piano. She might find a group based activity less intense.

Just wanted to add that we had the same experience. Claudia did the piano briefly, then gave up, then started the violin and took to it instantly. We found the right instrument for her and never looked back.

She has subsequently been forced back to the piano because we are told she must have basic piano skills and although she still doesn't like it much she is taking it slowly. It is just not the instrument for her.

So definitely give another instrument a go a bit later.

Emsobnoe had a love hate relationship with Piano for quite a while and after getting a good mark in her first exam really struggled. A different teacher really got her back on track but I hasten to add she never wanted to give up.

I'd leave it alone let the girls explore other instruments or access general musicianship skills. They are both young enough to decide to return of their own accord without it being a big deal.

Violin daughter started piano a few years after the violin. She liked it, but found it hard and used to cry!! Our lovely, gentle piano teacher was really distressed.
After a while she started not to like it, but she persevered on and off, because of the lovely teacher.
Now she really likes it! She is about grade 6 standard, but hasn't taken an exam this year. She might next year, but has been just playing what ever she likes.

I would say try another instrument, as many have suggested and then later come back to piano, as a second one. You might be surprised!

Violinma

Leave it for a while and see how they feel in a few months time. Perhaps you might come across a more inspirational teacher.

Definitely!!

This could be the answer. My lessons for very little pupils have a greater proportion of clapping, listening, games, singing, etc. than for older pupils.