How can a school Director of Music be so arrogant and uncaring as to completely destroy a child's passion for music? We initially heard about her and the general hatred that so many pupils have for her from pupils older than my own - but put it down to them being non-musical. Unfortunately we should have been more awake....
Our own musical son came home at Christmas saying never again - but we cajoled him and said that he needed them more than they needed him.


I even get the DoM on the phone to me in her inimitable whining voice. Yes, he'll be there, no he still loves his music. Well now he's stuck two fingers up at her - not literally, but he felt like doing it - so he's walked out of the two orchestras she runs and has been told he's not allowed to go to the third as it is compulsory to play in at least two groups if you're going to play music. So guess what - they've lost a musician. A pretty reasonable one at that - who plays two instruments - and more importantly I've got a son who is starting to think that if music teachers are all like her - then forget it all together.

Time to ring his clari teacher - me thinks - and rebuild his confidence. It's a pity that a DoM can't understand that waiting to see the police after you've been assaulted on the way to school is more important than orchestra, seeing your head of house after you've been punched in the face and reporting it takes priority over band practice - and that playing wind instruments when you've split your tongue (literally - stuck his tooth right the way through it after falling over) is extremely difficult - if not impossible.

Ah well, may the DoM rot in a room full of tuneless bagpipe players until her departure.

Sorry - rant over.

So sorry to hear your son has been having such a tough time. I do hope he doesn't give up on music altogether after these bad experiences. Maybe he will find some other interesting music groups to play in (outside school?) - and hopefully more understanding, too.

I seriously wonder what is going on in our schools.

Either they are attracting the wrong type of person as teachers (I appreciate it's not always the case). I strongly dislike the closing ranks and protection that goes on.

I don't blame you for feeling angry and frustrated. It may help your son to know he's not alone in being in receipt of this type of behaviour.

Like notmusimum, I know from experience that your son's case is becoming increasingly common, unfortunately. It is so very sad what is happening to music in schools. I hope your son won't be put off entirely. I think the idea of speaking to his clarinet teacher is a good one - for me, it was my violin teacher who kept up my enthusiasm when there was little else (in terms of music in school) to do so.

So sorry to hear of your son's problems, The Boyz Mum. Unfortunately, school music teaching does seem to be a job which attracts more than its fair share of people who are in it mainly for the money. Most people who study music at uni do so because they want to perform or compose, but as there are so few opportunities in these fields, many end up in school music departments not through a genuine desire to teach, but as a reasonably paid last resort.

There's also a tendency in larger schools for the children not to be known as people, particularly in departments like music and RE which see a lot of children for quite a short time. They are just bodies which appear at certain times during the week - and if they don't appear, it causes annoyance. Your son's DoM may have no real idea of why he hasn't turned up to practices, but his absence will have been noted!

I do hope that your son's clarinet teacher will help build up his confidence again. We all need to feel appreciated, and it's hard when your school teacher doesn't seem to care.

Just make sure you write a strong but polite letter to the Headteacher about all this.

I've seen over the years that many Headteachers don't know about problems in their school because parents don't tell them!

Steve

or so they claim.....

I think management and lack of management skills is the problem. I wonder if schools would work better with a traditional head and a business experienced one (who understands customer care).

I know in daughter's school that the head's attitude is filtering down the rest of the staff. Perhaps the new tougher Ofsted inspections might help but wihtout extensive training I doubt it.

Something happend at school just this week that gives me extreame cause for concern (not music related) it only concerned my child as a witness.

Are we talking state or private school here?

I appreciate it's devastating for your child and don't want to sound too flippant but it sounds like parts of the school are run by children disguised as adults. What sort of organisation would have a rule that says "Oh, you're not allowed to go to that orchestra unless you are in one of the other two."?!?!

As for how to respond to the DoM, the key thing on your part is to stay calm at all times. (Not easy when it involves your own children) but when having faced difficult people/situations I've found that approaching situations with an open mind and open questions often provides more than enough rope for horrible people to hang themselves with.

So rather than going in with "How dare you treat my son like this you pathetic excuse for a human being!" try something along the lines of "My son seems to have lost all confidence in his music playing and has indicated problems between you and him. Please could you give me your account of how he has found himself in this situation - and also what steps you propose taking to resolve the situtation."

I know the latter sounds all fluffy management-speak, but the answers stemming from those questions should indicate the mindset and maturity of the DoM - does she take any responsibility for the situation? Does she have any ideas of a positive way forward? If you're not satisfied with the explanation, state clearly and calmly to her that you intend to escalate this issue - and then follow that up with her manager/supervisor/boss using the same approach. (i.e. Situation is X, Unable to resolve it with DoM, now escalating it to you, the boss, please explain what you are going to do to help resolve this situation.)

Feel free to hit the roof if all of that doesn't work.

I would think that most reasonable parents take this approach when dealing with their child's school.

The trouble is the attitude you get met with is along the lines of "Mrs so and so is a fantastic teacher". "They are doing their best in a difficult situation". "There are another 29 children in that class". "We've never had any complaints before".

When all else fails they close ranks and cover up. In the end the frustration is more to do with how the teachers/head behaves than the incident you went to complain about in the first place. Besides which the member of staff doesn't understand what you are complaining for, never has any intention of looking at their own behaviour and seeks to blame your child everyone elses child the parent complaining and so on.

Anyone who cracks dealing with a problem teacher in school deserves a medal and should definately write a book telling other parents how they did it.

Sometimes this can make a strange sort of sense, annoying though it is. My daughter's school music department has a similar sort of rule for its choirs. If she sings in the "top" chamber choir she has a responsibility to sing in two more lowly choirs too. This can be a bit annoying in terms of the time it involves BUT it does mean that the stronger singers in the school support the rest, which must surely be good for singing in the school as a whole? Perhaps this how it works with orchestras in the Boyz school?

Hello The Boyz Mum,




I am so sorry to hear this, and I feel for you and your son. My daughter often declares "I HATE music"to my question "what did you do in your music lesson today?" (this questions usually follows after "what did you have for lunch?") . My daughter is a very good musician, and is mature enough to understand that practising is a part of being musician and a way to improve her performance, and enjoys listening to live orchestral music. I must remind her that she does not hate music, but she likes music really. What she doesn't like is music lessons with Mrs Music at school. I remind her of her fantastic violin teacher and piano teacher, both of whom are incredibly supportive, encouraging, of other friends musicians she looks up to, how much she enjoys her monthly orchestra rehearsals outside her school.



I totally agree with you and share the frustration with you. As Halka says, my daughter's school seems to have very similar "rules" that you have to play in the first two orchestras before you receive invitation to move up to the 3rd orchestra with what they claim players with higher standard... (there are 4 orchestras altogether) Who is to judge who plays at what standard is another question.... My daughter does not particularly enjoys the two orchestras she plays in, but she takes is as a step she has to take to go onto the next orchestra conducted by Mr Fantastic.

The school teachers, particularly in Primary schools, have huge responsibilities - we all know that subjects we loved, subjects we hated. In my case... it was a lot to do with teachers, not with the subjects themselves. I was so lucky to have a lovely piano teacher, and school music teacher in my primary years.

I hope your son keeps enjoying music.

Thnx for all your advice and best wishes. It has all really affected the little man quite badly. He now has no skin on the pads of his fingers and a lot of the rest of his body has now become covered with ezcema. Spoken to his clari teacher to let him know.

Oh - and the DoM did know about why he wasn't at rehearsals - but only she matters in her own little world. Ah well - her loss.

Her loss indeed try not to let her have such an effect, we have a fantastically arrogant (at times!) head of music at our school-he upset a lot of people until we all just decided to take no notice of him at the end of the day, they are the ones that will look very silly indeed if the musicians-the students they're so awful to!-stop playing for them!
Hope your son's ezcema gets better soon, TheBoyzMum!

Sadly they just don't care.

Boyz Mum I hope your son starts to feel better about things soon.