D'oh! D'oh! D'oh!

We've just gone out to clean the cars a bit - windows and lights.
My car wouldn't respond to the unlocker on the key fob. Then it wouldn't unlock at the actual door. Then I noticed the door was slightly open.
Shoved the door proper shut, and could then lock/unlock it (but not the central locking).
Absolutely not a click when I turn the key - it's not even trying to start.

Door not closed properly Friday night = drained battery by Sunday afternoon = car not doing anything

Have sent an email to my boss saying I'll be working from home, and am about to leave my mechanic a message asking if he could come and rescue me from my dippiness on Monday at some point!! Battery is old enough that it will probably be better to replace than try to recharge from totally flat...

Very silly thing to have done. Not the end of the world by any means, just very silly. D'oh, again!


But don't leave me alone in my silliness, what have you done lately that's daftly-not-good ?

Got myself locked in my son's loo.

Went to see his new cesspit flat and was relieved that despite the fug, the beer bottles and the chaos, it was nice and warm. After over an hour's drive to get there, I needed to use the bathroom so I said "I'll just pop in there for a minute" - and then when I tried to get out, the handle moved up and down and nothing happened.

Didn't want to pound on the door too loudly because flatmate was still in bed (it was only half past 12 noon )

No credit card to push between doorframe and door (does that really work?) or nail file to unscrew handle because handbag was in general doss arealounge.

Husband had been parking the car some distance away so was unaware of distress, and son too busy finding screwdriver to rescue mum to go and show dad which front door to use.

Emerged eventually to be informed that the bathroom door should never be closed. Eeewww! How can landlords accept rent for places like this?

We were going out to recorder group the other night when the passenger door latch froze solid (with the door open ). With the central locking locked it did hold closed though, so entry and exit for both parties was via the driver's door.

I took a letter to the post office to buy a stamp for it, saw the postbox outside, posted the letter - and then went in to buy the stamp.

Got all the way down to the bus stop having just missed one bus so waited 10 minutes for the next one. Bus duly arrived, I flagged it down only to then realise I'd forgotten the large quantity of letters I needed to take with me to post. I'm in a top floor flat too....

Oh I have so many of these...

Boiled up the remains of sunday roast chicken with onions, celery carrots etc to make lovely stock for soup. Smelling divine. Go into kitchen, drain stock - straight down plughole saving soggy veg remains.

Doh!

Am I allowed more than one?!

I suppose it depends if your D'oh is fixed or movable

normally I hate puns - but that one was awesome. well done

Definitely moveable - you can have as many as you like. I think I need several more myself

Oh no. That's awful. I would have sworn very loudly.

I have done something similar - cooked homemade tortellini in a lovely broth (that is how they are served here - my MIL makes the broth ) and then tipped the broth down the sink! Husband was not impressed!

I have dozens of these - here is the worst:

I went to my bedroom (in the middle of the afternoon) to change my shirt. As soon as I started to unfasten buttons I went onto autopilot. Ten minutes later I found myself lying in bed, eyes closed, waiting to fall asleep!



There was also the time that my mother sent me to the shop (with her last two shillings before pay-day) to buy a loaf. I came back with a packet of cornflakes.

Can we post them on behalf of our nearest and dearest too?
I got a text the other day from an unknown number saying "This is my new number, you can use it if I don't reply on the other one"

Um, yes I certainly shall, at least, once I find out who you actually are...

My husband had an unsigned text message asking him if he was still up for being best man. He eventually worked out that 25 years ago he had made a pact with a friend at school (who 20 years ago was best man at our wedding) that they would be best man for each other. So he texted his old friend to ask if he had a new mobile number and a fiancee! Yes to both.

Oh that reminds me...
I leave my phone on each night because I use it as an alarm. Anyway it started to go off so I quickly jumped out of bed, made my bed, got dressed and went inside to get breakfast (I sleep in a detatched room). When I got inside, I saw that it was actually just past midnight and someone had sent me a text



I got a similar text a few days ago - I thought it was funny how they phrased it to make it sound as if they were doing me a favour by giving me the new number

D'oh! So I started this thread confessing to accidentally flattening my car battery.

Turns out, I didn't! Turns out, it was a battery crash with internal short My mechanic has been and fitted a new one, the old one definitely dead and definitely nothing to do with me leaving the door slightly open - slightly open doesn't operate the interior light anyway!

D'oh, I'm not a dippy idiot after all!

Ah now then. Some time ago, I had the distinct impression of water slooshing about when I turned a corner but I couldn't see any swilling around my feet so ignored it.

Then one morning the car wouldn't start. I lifted the bonnet to take a look at the battery and there it was with its terminal just showing above the flood in the battery tray

The drain hole was blocked with leaves falling from the trees. Oh and the drain hole is where exactly? Under the battery of course

Oh I also once got up in the morning to a flat battery on a campsite in the wilds of Yorkshire just because I'd left the interior tailgate light on. The AA man who came out from Bolton said (put's on best Peter Kay accent) "Where are we 'ere? In't middle o' nowhere".

I was skim reading my lecture notes as last minute revision over breakfast yesterday morning, just before the exam. I skipped over one page thinking "that won't be in the exam" ... then found that 25% of the grade was based on that one page.

D'oh!

My niece and her husband have a house up on the moors outside Hebden Bridge. My brother christened it "Back of Beyond" and regularly refers in his e-mails to visits to "BoB".

Not mine, but one I saw developing in a quite thorough fashion this morning....

About a mile up the main road from our house is a railway bridge.

The gap under the bridge is clearly labelled as being 13ft 3ins high.

It's labelled on the signposts at the main road's last junction before the bridge (about 2 miles down the road).

There is an early warning system a quarter of a mile before the bridge that causes lights to flash if an overheight vehicle approaches either side of the bridge, at the last bit of road wide enough for an articulated lorry to turn round (if there's no other traffic present)

So when a lorry that's at least 13ft 2ins tall comes to a screeching standstill just before the bridge, the locals tend to come out to watch the fun.

As they did this morning. I saw them from my place about a dozen cars back in the resulting traffic queue.

Result: One lorry that can't go forwards 'cos of a low bridge, can't go backwards as there are a dozen cars behind it and can't turn round as the road's not wide enough. Nice one

Was reminded of this D'oh, perpetrated by me some time back, as I just found my keys after misplacing them.

Came home from grocery shopping, keys in one hand, groceries in other. Open fridge, absent-mindedly put keys on shelf. Fill fridge with food. Shut fridge. Spend hours hunting for keys.

We have exactly the same on the A5137 betwen Jct 4 of the M53, and Heswall, but with less warnings, and its nigh impossible for a lorry to turn round if it gets almost to the bridge. I've even seen the famous Eddie Stobart here (Well not him , one of his lorries). They deliver to Tesco in Heswall.

We have one of these, only it's an underground bridge (where we are the underground is over ground) and the road dips either side to go under the bridge. Sometimes big lorries can't get under the bridge because of the angle that they are, because they're too long, if you see what I mean.

There is nowhere to turn round. One day I arrived, about 6th in the queue. The other 5 cars took their lives into their hands and overtook - did I forget to say it was a blind bend too? So I firmly sat back, far enough for the lorry to reverse up and into a side turning and make a 2 point turn to go the other way. Fortunately it was after the rush hour, and no-one overtook me or hooted or got cross, so one relieved and happy lorry driver went on his way.

Got a good one for this thread today.

Went to cinema this evening to see Harry Potter. Celebration for having 2 teenage children at home in one piece at end of term and university term. Got a bright spark to serve us the tickets. Bought sweeties and drinks. Went into the correct number screen on ticket. Sat and waited, and waited. Saw the adverts, and the new release adverts, and then ............... the wrong film started. The voyage or whatever of the Dawn Treader.

Gah! Looked at tickets (with some difficulty in the dark you understand) and bloke on the desk had given us the wrong tickets.

We didn't check the title of the film on the tickets, so in a sense it was our fault too. So we just sat and saw the Dawn Treader. And I'm dead short of time to get Christmas ready, so by the time we next have enough time to go and see HP it'll be off the screens.

Let some air out of the tyres. Cautiously drive under bridge. Proceed slowly to next garage ad re-inflate to correct pressure.

Several years ago I was driving along in my MG and there was a strange rattling banging noise. I was just going past the local garage, so I pulled in and said I was a bit worried. When they asked me to describe the noise, I said the closest thing I could think of was a golf ball rolling around in the glove compartment. Which is exactly what it was. D'oh.

Not being a golfer, I've never worked out how it got there

A series of Doh's:

Christmas eve was supposed to be:
1. get the smoked salmon out of the freezer and defrost it.
2. collect the turkey and the gammon joint from the shop
2. put the turkey in the camping fridge (the main fridge would need a shelf out, besides it's full already)
3. have smoked salmon & brown bread for supper with chilled champagne.

Alas, when we got to the defrosted smoked salmon it wasn't smoked at all, just a side of salmon, so Christmas eve supper was the ham instead, with some of the potatoes & veg from Christmas day.

Doh!

Worse, the Champagne hadn't been put in the Fridge and was non-chilled.

Double Doh!

Christmas day morning we got the turkey out of the camping fridge and found that the camping fridge was more efficient than we had thought: The thing was frozen!! Not wishing to cook it from frozen that left Christmas lunch as the cold ham from Christmas eve plus the salmon, now poached. We ended up having our Christmas lunch on Boxing day.

Triple Doh!

Well, at least you didn't starve! Sometimes a change of plan is all for the best.

Sorry to laugh but that is worthy of a sit-com script.

It is 2:20am. How did that happen?

D'oh.

I just sliced the side of my thumb open-with a tape measure.

Ouch

Oooh I hope it's not stinging too much anymore
Those cuts feel much more painful than they should.

Oh dear. A similar thing happened to me in Italy once but it wasn't my fault. I bought a ticket to see "When a man loves a woman". It was a one-screen cinema so the ticket didn't have the name of the film on just "admittance". When the film started it was The Flintstones. The projectionist had decided to show something else and in his words" they are quite similar".

Just realized that for our next series of concerts (in England! ), I'm a chair ahead of where I was before, which means that I have to learn the inside part when I played outside for the last concert with the same programme... Not an "aargh" at all, since I'm so happy that we get to go to England and play in amazing venues, but still a bit annoying, especially as it's final exam week and I was banking on not needing so much practice time...

Opened my clarinet case today and found the money I should have paid my teacher with yesterday. I put it in the case so that I see it and remember to hand it over.......

Tried to submit my gas & electricity meter readings today. Went to the website, tried to log on. Tried all combinations of usernames and passwords I could think of, no joy. Got frustrated.

Then checked the last bill: Website of wrong company.

D'oh.

Biology exam question involving calculating a percentage decrease in temperature (39 to 34.5 degrees or something like that).

Calculated everything correctly, got the answer... and proceeded to write '0.115' in the answer box instead of multiplying by 100 to get it into a percentage! I felt like such an idiot, as everyone knows I'm the one who normally gets 100% in Maths exams...

Aged Mother-in-Law, who is wheelchair-bound since having a massive stroke in 2009, wanted to be taken to the pictures. Without knowing much about the film, we suggested "Black Swan" thinking it would be a nice film, with lots of pretty dancing. We went yesterday afternoon.

We'll read the sysnopsis and write-ups next time!

Although she seemed to like it...

A man just hit my stationary car whilst I was about to fill it up with diesel in a petrol station. He just thought he'd try to get around it.
There isn't too much damage done- it's just going to take my time to sort it out- plus it's hard to find time when my car can go in as I teach in different schools and need my car!

Sorry to hear this - what a nuisance for you. At least it was a relatively minor incident, with no-one hurt.

Grr. Teenage pupil being shoe-horned into G5 theory by mother-pressure. Seems to expect me to do all the work. Grrrr. Pupil has another think coming. Too busy to do its practising too.

Feel better now.
Perhaps this should have been on the Arrgh thread, but it doesn't really constitute a week's worth of frustration, just an evening's worth.

This is the second week in a row I've forgotten to take my visitors badge off before leaving placement!

This reminds me of when I visited a company ay Horsholm north of Copenhagen.
After our meeting we went for lunch which entailed walking the length of a a shopping mall, afterwards we walked back to his car, and he drove me all the way back though Copenhagen to Kastrup airport, and came in to the terminal with me to check my flight wasn't delayed or anything. Only then did he notice a bright green napkin tucked into the top of his trousers, and spread diamond shaped over his lap.

I just held up about three hundred million cars at the traffic lights.... I'm quite a nervous driver anyway, and then I stalled at the lights...err and then I stalled again, and again, and ended up nearly in tears because everyone behind me was getting so annoyed because I'd held everyone up so much that the lights had gone red again.

My brother finds this story utterly hilarious (but he would, he's too young to drive and would be good at driving anyway) and I'm sure I'll see the funny side but boy do I hate driving at the moment!

I think basically my whole life belongs in this thread...

I closed the estate hatch of my car onto my head before I went teaching and I now feel a bit like this . have no more teaching- just cubs- help! I've got to teach 24 cubs map reading! Yikes!

Ow ow ow!! I've done that, and it HURTS! Hope you're OK and that the map doesn't tax the brain too much