DS1 (lovely, sweet, compliant, LAZY) plays the flute and is working towards grade 5. He is off to a very large, very academic, exceptionally busy senior school next year (entry is Y9) and as he has no interest in getting involved in the musical life (detests all form of singing) of the school I wonder if he should not waste his time practising his music. I doubt he is going to get into an orchestra and there are so many more societies that he would rather join. The only place I could ever see him playing the flute would be in the military marching band as he is too risk averse to join the CCF!

He hasn't asked to quit; the sweet lad just assumes he plays the flute and that's that! But, he has no interest in practising either. I hope he can sit grade 5 by next June (g4 dec 10) and that will acknowledge the achievement and effort he has put in. He is also the best flautist in his tiny school so the performance opportunities for him are beneficial in building self-esteem so I intend for him to continue until next June. The school are also planning to put him through grade 5 theory and I think this is worth it to acknowledge his academic musical ability.

Another thing to consider is that he probably needs a new flute so alongside music tuition fees I don't want to have this outlay when DS isn't passionate about music but just goes with the flow - until teenage hormones kick in and he ditches lessons and brand new flute within a term!

Hmm ... so CompliantSon is in year 7 with 4 more terms to go at the tiny school? (Sorry - I get confused between real years and academic years - blame way too many years spent in education.)

I'd say let him stick with his flute (since he hasn't asked to give up), take his Grade 5 theory, show off a bit on his flute at Prep school (as you say, good for confidence) and then, when you're organising him for changing schools in Year 9 just ask him, casually, if he wants flute lessons when he gets there.

Re the new flute - maybe rental? I am renting a 3/4 violin for Daughter at the moment because she can't take another exam on the one she owns and she's not quite big enough for full size yet. I got the teacher to recommend a good make to look for - and a good shop to ask.

Let him plod on until after he has changed schools. He has no idea what he will want to join when he gets there. He might find himself in a group of friends who all go along to the windband at lunchtime and regret giving up. If he's not asking to stop don't make him at this point. I wouldn't buy a new flute at this point, have the old one patched up and wait to see. (After all why deplete your oboe fund!)

Have you asked him what he wants? He's 11/12? At his age he must have some idea as to how much he loves playing and whether he finds practice a chore (I know you say he has no interest but I'm assuming he'll practice when asked).

What are you trying to achieve for him in continuing to play? You're right in saying that at some point through his teenage years he may decide to ditch it all together. The question is whether getting that much further down the line is beneficial for him in the years to come.

FWIW I would give him every opportunity to learn and if he decides to stop at some point in the future then you rest knowing you have given him that and who knows, when he has children of his own, he may find himself drawn back into playing again especially when the shoe is on the other foot and he may be trying to get his own children involved in music .

I agree with all of the above. If he is not asking to stop, and playing the flute is not preventing him from doing something he cares about, there seems to be no reason not to carry on. My son's euphonium playing will never set the world on fire. He's 17 and nowhere near grade 5. He's not passionate about it and doesn't practise much. However, as someone said above I think it's worth him continuing while he wants to (and I ask the question every term!) as the experience now will be valuable later if he decides to have a more serious go at euphonium, or another instrument as an adult.

Firstly I would say that time spent practising music is never time wasted!

If he is happy keeping and is working towards his grade 5 then why not let him continue.

I freely admit that I was rubbish at practising my flute when I was younger...but some how managed to scrape grade 5 when I was about 13. I did give up lessons soon after, and would never have considered played in the orchestra but I loved playing in the windband, which I did till I left school at 18, and it was a highlight of the week for me. I also enjoyed playing in various church things at Uni and occasionally afterwards.

I ended up taking up lessons again in my late 20's and actually did some practice this time and passed my grade 7, an achievement my school flute teacher would not have believed possible!

Not sure what I'm saying except that music is a joy and is of value even if you don't "do anything" with it, stopping lessons doesn't mean that you need to stop playing, but why take it away from him if he wants to continue.

I think if I'd given up the flute completely I wouldn't have come so far on the oboe, or even maybe had the confidence to try. .Sometimes the benefits aren't evident till years later...

He's definitely going to continue until next year but I just wondered if I should mention it. Forms for senior school get filled in next term hence my asking now! I will ask them if they can join groups without formal lessons though - good idea!

I think you should ask for lessons as well. I think that keeps your options more open. If he then decides that he doesn't want lessons when he gets there then there's bound to be someone else who would take his space. If you say no to lessons and then decide you do want them after all then he may well find himself on a waiting list.

You don't know yet how he will react to secondary school and how that will impact on his playing. Yes, he may initially find it difficult going from being the best in his school to having other people who are good (and grade 5 flute at age 11/12 is good - a lot of people don't start until that age). Alternatively, you might find that having other good players around spurs him on and makes him discover the value of practice etc.

I think you need to keep in perspective the fact that you don't see a representative group of players. either on here or in the kinds of schools your children attend. They are both playing at a high standard for their age.

I would agree that it is probably best to let him continue and encourage him to carry on at least initially when he changes schools. A change of environment could push him either way, and it seems a shame to discount the possibility of him taking off with it.

Could seeing little bro playing multiple instruments and getting lots of musical input be affecting his view of himself as a musician? Maybe he is playing it cool with practice in order not to be seem to be competing? Grade 5 is a very decent level of achievement and not to be abandoned lightly. Especially if he gets his grade 5 theory out of the way - then grade 6 will hove into view, and he may be tempted..

Is he complaining about his current flute? If so, there is an obvious answer to the replacement question - consistent practice/results = new flute, otherwise he sticks with the old one.

DS1 is the least competitive boy I have ever met! He basically does what he is told without questioning so if a teacher said he was to do a solo or be in the orchestra he wouldn't question it. However if asked he would say no as he is not interested. He'll be 13 by the time he gets grade 5 which is fairly average I think. He also doesn't feel in his brother's musical shadow as he does not like most forms of music!

Due to his disorganisation and lack of stamina (unfit and bad asthma) I don't want him to have to commit to practice at boarding school initially but I now see that I need to speak to the school about this.

Have you considered that keeping on with a wind instrument could be beneficial for his asthma?

I was thinking the same thing. I personally find that no flute = more asthma. Yes, there are times when flute and asthma don't like each other, but I do think that my flute playing helps.

I'm very grateful my mother kept on with my flute lessons when I might have given up as I have had immense pleasure out of playing since. Unless he says he wants to give up I'd let him carry on. If he is boarding at his secondary school I suspect there may be allocated practice slots if he has lessons, certainly a teenage daughter of a friend made significant progress in her music when she went to boarding school and had specific slots. If he is not especially sporty then music could offer him a chance to play in some groups and get involved in something.

Agree with the asthma. I have a lot to think about!

If he's not raised the subject why not just assume he will continue for the time being?

Interesting to read the ins and outs of children giving up instruments!! There have been some wise words on this thread which I really agree with - time spent practising is never wasted, and the benefits may not be evident for many years, even until they have children of their own! My eldest son moved up to secondary school last Sept in Yr 9 from a prep school, had been cruising along with his trumpet, passing easily with minimal practice. He said he wanted to continue at new school and we duly signed up for lessons - however this only lasted 2 terms, and other interests have now taken over. He had no interest in the lunchtime Brass Ensemble or joining a school orchestra and has now given up - just as he was ready to take Grade 4. However, he can always come back to it one day in the future, perhaps when his interest in other things have subsided (currently its rugby ...). so I would sign him up for lessons at his new school (after asking him if he wants to) and see how things go once he gets involved in other activities there. Even if you have to buy a new flute, because he may get "in" with a musical crowd and as you say at Boarding school there will be lots of time and facilities for practice.