Forums > Livid ! Livid ! Livid !

Czerny

Jun 19 2011, 08:19 PM

QUOTE(jod @ Jun 19 2011, 09:12 PM)

I think many of us felt that by stating we had posted mail were making it clear we were offering support, It was not a case of "and here is something we are not going to say to you" (or at least that was the case in my case)

The message was: Iona has my support but it is not appropriate to disclose the nature of this, but please rest assured that I have contacted her.

Personally I don't see anything wrong with Maggie, Barry, Bagpuss or Cyrilla doing that either.

But why "rest assured"? We can already see that plenty of people have offered support openly - why should certain people's support be considered more valuable and valid than others'?

Is it really likely than anyone is sitting around worrying whether forum member A, B or C has offered their "superior", private support? Anyone who's really concerned would offer their own advice or show their own concern. And who is this "us", anyway??

Sorry to protract this, but I really don't understand your point.

jod

Jun 19 2011, 08:42 PM

QUOTE(Czerny @ Jun 19 2011, 09:19 PM)

QUOTE(jod @ Jun 19 2011, 09:12 PM)

I think many of us felt that by stating we had posted mail were making it clear we were offering support, It was not a case of "and here is something we are not going to say to you" (or at least that was the case in my case)

The message was: Iona has my support but it is not appropriate to disclose the nature of this, but please rest assured that I have contacted her.

Personally I don't see anything wrong with Maggie, Barry, Bagpuss or Cyrilla doing that either.

But why "rest assured"? We can already see that plenty of people have offered support openly - why should certain people's support be considered more valuable and valid than others'?

Is it really likely than anyone is sitting around worrying whether forum member A, B or C has offered their "superior", private support? Anyone who's really concerned would offer their own advice or show their own concern. And who is this "us", anyway??

Sorry to protract this, but I really don't understand your point.

It is not private support, it is that the nature of the information that is being disclosed is not appropriate for a public forum.

Czerny

Jun 19 2011, 08:59 PM

QUOTE(jod @ Jun 19 2011, 09:42 PM)

It is not private support, it is that the nature of the information that is being disclosed is not appropriate for a public forum.

I'd say it is private support if none of the rest of us are party to it. Anyway, this only explains why the information is being delivered via PM, not why a post has to be made to announce that the support is being offered.

jod

Jun 19 2011, 09:03 PM

QUOTE(maledictis @ Jun 19 2011, 09:55 PM)

QUOTE(Czerny @ Jun 19 2011, 09:19 PM)

But why "rest assured"? We can already see that plenty of people have offered support openly - why should certain people's support be considered more valuable and valid than others'?

Is it really likely than anyone is sitting around worrying whether forum member A, B or C has offered their "superior", private support?

Personally, I do sometimes find myself worrying about whether a poster has had advice from jod or not - after all, she is qualified in so many more ways than us lesser mortals

Listener

Jun 19 2011, 09:18 PM

Calm down dears

EDIT I tried to PM Bagpuss but her mailbox was full. Errrm, maybe I shouldn't post that?

Arundodonuts

Jun 19 2011, 09:38 PM

QUOTE(Listener @ Jun 19 2011, 10:18 PM)

Calm down dears

Quite. It's amazing what some people allow themselves to get worked up over. Mind you, I suppose wars have started over less.

Crotchetymum

Jun 19 2011, 09:39 PM

QUOTE(andante @ Jun 19 2011, 07:19 PM)

Just googled TNO

Acronym Definition
TNO Nederlands Instituut voor Toegepaste Geowetenschappen
TNO Nederlandse Organisatie voor Toegepast Natuurwetenschappelijk Onderzoek
TNO Trans-Neptunian Object
TNO The New Order (paramilitary street gang)
TNO Tamarindo, Costa Rica (Airport code)
TNO Trust No One
TNO Thursday Night Out (party group in the Seattle, WA area)
TNO Theater Nuclear Option
TNO Thorncliffe Neighbourhood Office (Toronto, Canada)
TNO Texas and New Orleans Railway (circa 1920)
TNO Temiscaming and Northern Ontario Railway (old name for Ontario Northland Railway; pre-1945)
TNO Target Natural Orbital
TNO Texas, New Mexico, and Oklahoma Coaches,

I'm none the wiser!

QUOTE

I'll bog off now for a wee while and let you all find someone else to have a pop at.

I don't think anyone was trying to have a bagpop.

QUOTE(Czerny @ Jun 19 2011, 07:25 PM)

Andante, you need to get out more!

And it's TeacherNumberOne!!!!

I was rather hoping for Trans-Neptunian Object

But then I find on Google that they're not quite as exciting as I thought, because I was thinking of the wrong Neptune

barry-clari

Jun 19 2011, 10:28 PM

Did anyone think about iona before posting some of the above?...

Listener

Jun 20 2011, 06:51 AM

Bagpuss, on another thread you said you had a horrid week last week, I hope this one is better

maledictis

Jun 20 2011, 07:52 AM

QUOTE(barry-clari @ Jun 19 2011, 11:28 PM)

Did anyone think about iona before posting some of the above?...

Threads go off topic - such is the nature of an internet forum.
I don't suppose anyone was meaning to upset iona in any way. She has had, and will, I'm sure, continue to receive, plenty of good advice. I don't think a diversion is really that huge a problem.

lavraiemusicienne

Jun 20 2011, 07:57 AM

I am feeling left out, I've never had a PM *sniff*

To the OP, I'm sorry you've had such a bad time from this parent. I've ended up in tears before after parents treating me like dirt on their shoes and how they've spoken to me. It's not fun, but they're out of your life now. As others have said, onwards and upwards.

lavraiemusicienne

Jun 20 2011, 08:11 AM

I've had a PM now *smug*

And I'll leave you all wondering who it was from

tonedeafmum

Jun 20 2011, 10:01 AM

As a parent I would like to thank Iona for taking on the problem parent who, by the sounds of it, was being unpleasant to or about the other families Iona works with. Good for you, Iona, and I hope you're feeling better now.

I personally love to see that someone has 'Bagmail' or similar. It is a signal to the world that someone is taking action on an issue, even if they can't give details on the forum. I worry if I see someone has posted a problem and it looks as if no one has got back to them - a quick 'you have mail' is very reassuring.

jenny

Jun 20 2011, 11:09 AM

QUOTE(tonedeafmum @ Jun 20 2011, 11:01 AM)

I personally love to see that someone has 'Bagmail' or similar. It is a signal to the world that someone is taking action on an issue, even if they can't give details on the forum. I worry if I see someone has posted a problem and it looks as if no one has got back to them - a quick 'you have mail' is very reassuring.

Very nicely said, tonedeafmum. I've had PMs from Bag and others and have greatly appreciated their kindness in thinking of me. And I don't mind at all if everyone else knows I've been sent them.
What I do have a problem with is reading unpleasant 'carping' messages on the forum. We should all be here to help each other.

morceau

Jun 20 2011, 12:09 PM

I'm quite shocked at the tone of some of this thread.

I also like to see that someone has been helped out - and who by. As a relative newcomer to the forum this sort of post - flagging up a PM - has helped me to identify who would be a likely person for me to PM, should I have a situation where I needed help, but didn't want to start a public thread.

Also, I would say that someone like Bagpuss is quite identifiable in the real world. I imagine that she feels that her advice would involve identifying others - possibly other forumites. How diplomatic that she signals that she can help, but is doing so privately.

Aquarelle

Jun 20 2011, 12:15 PM

QUOTE

QUOTE(jenny @ Jun 20 2011, 11:09 AM)

QUOTE(tonedeafmum @ Jun 20 2011, 11:01 AM)

I personally love to see that someone has 'Bagmail' or similar. It is a signal to the world that someone is taking action on an issue, even if they can't give details on the forum. I worry if I see someone has posted a problem and it looks as if no one has got back to them - a quick 'you have mail' is very reassuring.

Very nicely said, tonedeafmum. I've had PMs from Bag and others and have greatly appreciated their kindness in thinking of me. And I don't mind at all if everyone else knows I've been sent them.
What I do have a problem with is reading unpleasant 'carping' messages on the forum. We should all be here to help each other.

wholeheartedly.

Here in France Ihave been dismayed at the recent behaviour of the political classes who do nothing but bicker about who is going to be the next President.

Please don't let this community degenerate iinto one that bickers about who has or hasn't had a PM and who has or hasn"t said they have sent one.

For iona - I am glad you have managed to get rid of your difficult parent and I very much hope things will soon return to normal for you.

porilo

Jun 20 2011, 12:21 PM

I agree, but I still don't see the point in members leaving irrelevant messages to say that somebody has sent a PM to another person. The other person would have received a message already saying that there is a message for them without everyone else needing to know about it. This thread is already 5 pages long but how many messages here are actually relevant and constructive to the original poster's question? Take away all the irrelevant messages which say nothing and it would probably reduce to just 1 or 2 pages. A lot easier to read rather than having to trawl through 5 pages each time.

Arundodonuts

Jun 20 2011, 12:30 PM

QUOTE(porilo @ Jun 20 2011, 01:21 PM)

I agree, but I still don't see the point in members leaving irrelevant messages to say that somebody has sent a PM to another person.

I don't see the point either but so what? It's 1 post.

QUOTE

This thread is already 5 pages long

Including your contributions and mine........

iona

Jun 20 2011, 12:30 PM

Enough children. Enough !

The weekend 'orribilis has passed and I am facing a fresh week in a much calmer albeit cautious mood. A line has been drawn and on I move.

Thank you to everyone who has been supportive whether publicly or privately. Re. the whole PM situation I would like to say that I was very grateful for all those who did take the time to send me a few lines. And regarding posting the fact that a PM had been sent, that was appreciated too, because being a relatively sporadic visitor to this site I had no idea that some button or other would show that I had messages. (My e-mail system is also highly erratic & has been for some months.Not everyone's world is the same !)

PAX everyone.

andante

Jun 20 2011, 12:36 PM

Glad to hear you are feeling better, and the situation is resolved.

Don't you get a big pop up all over your screen when you get a PM?

I do, and I didn't turn it on deliberately. I'd also love to be able to stop the email notifiacations, because if you have a long conversation by pm you go to your emails and find dozens of identical new entries. Is there a way of doing that? I've tried looking at the profile bit and couldn't find a way of stopping them.

corenfa

Jun 20 2011, 12:39 PM

QUOTE(andante @ Jun 20 2011, 01:36 PM)

.... I'd also love to be able to stop the email notifiacations, because if you have a long conversation by pm you go to your emails and find dozens of identical new entries. Is there a way of doing that? I've tried looking at the profile bit and couldn't find a way of stopping them.

I think this might work - but I have not enabled it myself, as I like getting the email notifications
* Click "My controls" in upper right corner
* Click "Board settings" in lower left menu, under "Options"
* Under "Board display settings", somewhere in the middle, select "No" next to "Do you wish to get a board notification when you get a new personal message? "

maggiemay

Jun 20 2011, 12:59 PM

QUOTE(andante @ Jun 20 2011, 01:36 PM)

Glad to hear you are feeling better, and the situation is resolved.

Don't you get a big pop up all over your screen when you get a PM?

I do, and I didn't turn it on deliberately. ....

If you happen to change screen just as the big pop-up appears, it can disappear without your having noticed it. You then get only a very tiny little figure one up at the top of the screen against 'new messages' which is very easy indeed to miss.

Iona - glad to hear from you! and very pleased to hear that you are feeling more positive. Onward and upward, as they say!

ChristopherO

Jun 20 2011, 01:14 PM

When people are so unpleasant perhaps we should just feel sorry for them -
- they must have so many problems -
- so few friends -
- and so much unhappiness.

Well that's how I see it - after they've gone to add to their medical problems like blood pressure and hear attack, I know I can get back to what I was doing, be happy with life and love those close to me.

Iona - you are the lucky one.
Smile and just feel sorry for that sad vary parent?
Then the problems remain hers and not yours!!

lou24

Jun 20 2011, 01:43 PM

QUOTE(iona @ Jun 18 2011, 01:14 PM)

Following on from my last post. Unpleasant parent despatched this morning. No need for a letter. Her behaviour was unacceptable. I'm practically shaking with anger. At the moment my books are now CLOSED to all newcomers. That's how angry I am.

Hope you have recovered a bit now. I know you said your books are closed now but perhaps finding a new pupil with more agreeable parent will help you put the whole thing behind you.

Keep your chin up!

ma non troppo

Jun 20 2011, 01:45 PM

QUOTE(ChristopherO @ Jun 20 2011, 02:14 PM)

When people are so unpleasant perhaps we should just feel sorry for them -
- they must have so many problems -
- so few friends -
- and so much unhappiness.

Well that's how I see it - after they've gone to add to their medical problems like blood pressure and hear attack, I know I can get back to what I was doing, be happy with life and love those close to me.

Iona - you are the lucky one.
Smile and just feel sorry for that sad vary parent?
Then the problems remain hers and not yours!!

Schadenfreude - I love it!