Following on from my last post. Unpleasant parent despatched this morning. No need for a letter. Her behaviour was unacceptable. I'm practically shaking with anger. At the moment my books are now CLOSED to all newcomers. That's how angry I am.

Well I'm sorry that the parent has made you so angry through her unpleasant but on the other hand I'm glad she has gone the journey as she was evidently causing you a lot of grief and annoyance.
But as for your books being closed... just make that a temporary closure until you are less annoyed as there are plenty of deserving pupils and parents looking for teachers!

I'll email you. Unacceptable behaviour isn't what you need...

I know exactly what it's like as I had a similar problem with a pupil a few years ago. Since then I learnt that it's a waste of time being angry. I have the right to choose how I feel and if I am angry it means that I am being controlled by the other person. I read in one of Eckhart Tolle's books (one of my favourite authors), "nobody can do anything to you without your permission". That really made me think and nowadays I hardly every get angry with anyone or anything.

On the same lines - when I get stressed I remind myself - I can't control how another person behaves, or reacts towards me, but I can change how I react to them. It's made it much easier to care less about other people's behaviour.

To Iona - so sorry that you had to go through such a horrible experience. I hope that you will be able to move forward soon. On the bright-side the parent is now despatched.

You have Maggiemail too.

You also have Jomail.

Let us hope that between three teachers somebody can help you sort this out.

I do not like to hear of teachers in trouble because they are having problems with parents, especially if that parent could cause long term problems.

Ho --- just send my best wishes. Hope you can recover quickly and enjoy your other lovely parents/children ----------- their loss! At least you have some friends --- other teachers on here.

Exactly! Delicato, you have hit the nail on the head there.

Generally most pupils and parents are fine, and despite this current problem, don't let it put you off taking on others. Reading this and the other thread, I'm still not really sure what it is the parent has done to cause you these problems, but I understand why you might not want to say publically. Just remember that for each dissatisfied customer, there are hundreds of satisfied ones so don't let this one cloud your enjoyment of teaching the rest.

Well said.

But I do care about other people's behaviour. Not just toward me , but toward everyone. I guess I'm intolerant of intolerance. I expect[i] people to behave well.

Calming down a bit.....

Thanks very much for all PMs. Will respond when I'm not so flippin' mad I'm incoherent

Anyone else dying of curiosity?

Nope.

Grrrrr

Well yes, I always hope that people will behave well towards each other too. What I meant here was that if someone goes off in a hissy fit (say) because I didn't do what they wanted or did something they thought I shouldn't (like take up the violin) then instead of fretting about it, I'm finding it easier to let go of it.

Bagmail in cyber-transit

Bx

[quote name='BadStrad' date='Jun 18 2011, 06:11 PM' post='1067267']
[quote name='iona' post='1067239' date='Jun 18 2011, 05:36 PM'] [quote name='BadStrad' post='1067136' date='Jun 18 2011, 01:44 PM'][/quote]Well yes, I always hope that people will behave well towards each other too. What I meant here was that if someone goes off in a hissy fit (say) because I didn't do what they wanted or did something they thought I shouldn't (like take up the violin) then instead of fretting about it, I'm finding it easier to let go of it.
[/quote]

Yes. I know. Sorry. Didn't mean to misinterpret. I'm just fired up 'n hoppin'. Just not quite as hoppin' as a few hours ago.

On the bright side, parents who had persistently messed me around all year agreed to stop lessons last week.They have just dropped off a bottle of wine and a card to say Thankyou. What a weird day.

Have a glass of wine from that thoughtful bottle, and try and enjoy the rest of the weekend. Whatever it was, it sounds as though you're in the best position you could be now - ie free of them, so it's onwards and upwards from here.

And following on from that - are they worth giving brain space to? No! (So don't).

Iona - sorry you've had at rotten time - it happens. Soon the table will turn and your lovely students and parents will make it all worth while>

Sending you a hug iona and encouraging you to put all this behind you as soon as you can. Enjoy your other pupils. Try to keep smiling.

Just out of curiousity, why do you almost always seem to feel the need to put your advice in a PM, instead of on the forum?

Well, I'll do my best

Yup. Methinks there is a juicy tale, but probably too identifiable .

I know just how you feel iona - there are pupils who I regularly see out of the door and then go and seethe over. It really isn?t worth the mental (and physical) energy, but I do it anyway. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

Just out of curiosity, why does it matter to you???

I feel for you - I've had some horrible experiences with unpleasant parents in the past.

It matters a little bit to me too. It's because it feels (to me) like the playground clique where A says to B 'Oh I'll tell you when you come to my house later' - it's something that feels (to me) that we are being deliberately excluded. Silly! But there you go.

I find it mildly irritating because there is a valid discussion going on with interesting answers, but we never get to see Bagpuss's input. Perhaps we could all learn from her knowledge and experience. If I PM someone I don't post that I've PMed. It's as if she only thinks some people are worth talking to.

One of the positives from this is that you were obviously quite right to want to 'fire' this pupil/this pupil's parents in the first place.

That's reassuring in itself . . . .

Do hope life is looking a little brighter. All the best . . . .

I have not PMed you

I've not PMed you either

I've said before - quite openly, and not aimed at anyone in particular - that I really don't understand the need to post in a thread that you've PM'd someone. The personal message flashes up automatically when you open or refresh the forum, and - perhaps depending on one's personal settings - you also receive an email to say you've received a message, so you're most likely to see the PM well before the post telling you you've got one. And if it's not about notifying the person you've PM'd, what exactly is the reason?

Sorry to add fuel to the fire, and it's not meant personally, but I have to confess it irritates me, too.

I didn't mean it in any offensive way - in only matters to me in that I would quite like to read Bagpuss' advice, because I imagine it would be rather good advice!

I'm sure the "maggiemail" and the "jomail" also contained some worthwhile advice.

I'm not going to apologise for irritating people here because there are PLENTY of contributors who irritate me!!...I am just too polite to say so and certainly far too polite to name names.

I'll bog off now for a wee while and let you all find someone else to have a pop at.

Kind Regards, mwah, mwah,

Bag.

I agree with Czerny. I don't see the point in posting a message saying that someone has sent a PM to someone else. It's like sending a letter to someone and then sending another letter to say that they have sent a letter. Waste of time and space in my opinion and just clogs up the board with unnecessary messages.

In my case, the pm contained some description of similar experience, which I would probably not wish to post on open forum.

I can certainly refrain from posting that I've pm-ed, if it ####es people off.

I agree too. as it seems many do. Some people do seem to make an anoying habit of it all the time. Isnt the idea of the ABRSM forums to have public discussion not endless posts of 'You have ***mail' - which leaves me and others quite bored?

I recommend you avoid reading the posts you find boring -

works for me !

- and those that you all find so 'irritating', too.

Perhaps you'd better vent your irritation somewhere else, TNO?

I've just googled "TNO". D'oh.

It's not a big deal, really, I just don't understand why you would - effectively - say, "Hey, I've got something private to tell you!" in front of a group of people. You wouldn't do that in real life, surely?

Oh, all the time

I've PM'd / PMed you.

Just googled TNO

Acronym Definition
TNO Nederlands Instituut voor Toegepaste Geowetenschappen
TNO Nederlandse Organisatie voor Toegepast Natuurwetenschappelijk Onderzoek
TNO Trans-Neptunian Object
TNO The New Order (paramilitary street gang)
TNO Tamarindo, Costa Rica (Airport code)
TNO Trust No One
TNO Thursday Night Out (party group in the Seattle, WA area)
TNO Theater Nuclear Option
TNO Thorncliffe Neighbourhood Office (Toronto, Canada)
TNO Texas and New Orleans Railway (circa 1920)
TNO Temiscaming and Northern Ontario Railway (old name for Ontario Northland Railway; pre-1945)
TNO Target Natural Orbital
TNO Texas, New Mexico, and Oklahoma Coaches,


I'm none the wiser!




I don't think anyone was trying to have a bagpop.

Andante, you need to get out more!

And it's TeacherNumberOne!!!!

To be honest, rather than finding it irritating, I've always felt how lucky people were to be getting Bagmail, as I knew they would be getting some helpful, sympathetic advice.

Yes, maybe it's just those of us who have never been treated to any that are peeved!

Bagpuss hints that she has nuggets of wisdom. I think we can all understand that not everything can be said in public.

I go away to slay an Ostrich and it kicks off on the forum!

Maybe we could make a pact that anyone who wants to publicise the fact that they have sent a PM must say a funny joke or something outrageous on the same post, otherwise we log on to view some pearls of wisdom to only be left miffed at a "You've been PM'd" post.

Actually I don't really care but it does make me feel UN coz I wanted one too!

Why let somebody know publically that they have mail?
1) you want other people to know they are receiving support.

You've put it in mail rather than post as you want the OP to reply in mail as you feel you are asking for candid info or are passing on candid info. Or are going to pass on information that on a teacher thread cold be considered inflamatory towards non teachers.

There are lots of reasons why a teacher may wish to talk to a teacher about that group of individuals called Parents in a manner where they cannot read it, and that is best done in a PM.

Parents can be tricky, not pay, take teachers for granted. Recent threads have sailed close to the wind already
In my case I did not want to cause Iona any more blushes whilst feeling free talk straight without risking causing offence.

Now poor Bagpuss has done just that by hiding under a similar cover.

She couldn't win.

Just not the need to post about a PM after all it's a PRIVATE message.

I think many of us felt that by stating we had posted mail were making it clear we were offering support, It was not a case of "and here is something we are not going to say to you" (or at least that was the case in my case)

The message was: Iona has my support but it is not appropriate to disclose the nature of this, but please rest assured that I have contacted her.

Personally I don't see anything wrong with Maggie, Barry, Bagpuss or Cyrilla doing that either.