QUOTE (Amber @ Feb 17 2005, 10:24 PM)

Just found out today that my 16 yr old son Jason has started smoking Don't know whether I should just tell him how disappointed I feel, or ban him from Playstation or fully ground him. Or what?

I agree with neon-lights that it may be largely peer pressure...Is there anyway you can take a group of him + friends to a cancer ward? To see what it's like when someone is dying of cancer? Have him volunteer at a local hospital in such a ward or something like that? I have friends who took their teenage son to a hopsital that specialises in reeducation post-motorbike accidents, seeing all these tera- and paraplegic kids in wheelchairs quite took any idea they had of asking for mopeds right out of their minds I can tell you...Maybe there is an educational video available through his school?

You can certainly ban him from smoking in front of you, in the house or out, at home in general....

Also where does he get the money for them - does he earn it or is it pocket money?

Telling him you are disappointed is also worth a go - but more than that, tell him about your Dad, have him talk to people who lost friends to cancer etc...

If it is about rebellion this may just pass....

Good luck in dealing with it either way .

Oh Amber .

Whatever you do here, don't resort to maternal histrionics, as this will only make the situation worse. Try to stay calm, no matter how angry you are. Easier said than done though...

Did Jason see his grandfather suffer? It might be worth explaining or reminding that you don't wan't to see him suffer in the same way.

Explain the benefits you found on giving up - not being short of breath at the top of the stairs, able to sing high notes, extra money, not smelling like an ashtray, being able to taste food, cheaper life insurance premiums, your own personal favourite benefit... Personal experiences carry much more weight.

Neon-lights is right, banning Playstations or evenings out will just aggravate things. Like it or not, 16 year olds rebel against parents (although in my case, this meant not smoking, keeping my bedroom tidy, and doing my homework and clarinet practice ), so if there's an obvious way of rebelling, he'll probably do it.

How about a challenge? Bet you can't give up, you wet dependant!

There's always bribery, sorry, REWARDS - give up, then you'll have extra money to buy more Playstation games. Mummy's proud of you having done something so sensible, so will buy you another one at the same time. Or how about instead of buying computer games, we pool our resources to buy Daddy a Ferrari. Think how happy that would make him (even if those nasty people at DVLA say he can't drive it!)

Thank you for your thoughts and very sound advice. And I must confess to laughing out loud at the phrase "maternal histrionics" Deborah - there's a quick reality check if ever there was one. OK, I promise not to give in to my mummy-panic

OK, I'm going to be talking to him about the smoking imminently. Not quite the way I want to spend my time between clients, but it's important and needs to be done.

Neon made the point - where does it stop. No I can't "lock him up", and yes he does it because pretty much all of his friends do it. I think all of your replies had an underlying theme of appealing to the adult within him, rather than the rebellious kid, so this is the approach I will take.

Thank you again for your help.



Amber
x

OK, so the outcome is that he says he will give up on Monday. I will help him by buying him some Nicorette chewing gum (he says he would use it except it's too expensive). I've suggested that he saves the money he would have spent on ciggies each week (approx. £10) and treats himself to something really nice with it.

We haven't discussed what happens if he relapses, partly because we ran out of time before my next client was due, and partly because he sidetracked and asked him if I could give him the money to go to Cuba. (The answer was no, by the way!)

But it's a start.
Again thank you for your helpful insights and advice.



Amber
x

PS. Ironically, if I was to take up smoking I'd probably end up with the sort of deeper huskier voice that David prefers, rather than my pure Soprano. I think he'd much prefer to be living with Anastacia than me! But, tough luck, he'll have to make do with me instead.

Hehe, how long has he been smoking for then?

He didn't say exactly, but I reckon a few months now. Long enough to give him some difficulties in giving up. Says he gave up for five days at the beginning of January.

There's always the threat of either giving up or continuing on a diet of soup and cigarettes.

Sorry Amber, this makes your son a trainee down-and-out!

Oh yes, especially mushroom soup! Does wonders. Why did he start - peer pressure?

QUOTE (Deborah @ Feb 18 2005, 01:43 PM)

There's always the threat of either giving up or continuing on a diet of soup and cigarettes. Sorry Amber, this makes your son a trainee down-and-out!

Hadn't thought of it like that. And to think he says he's planning to join the police force. I thought he meant driving the police car, not being picked up and carted off in it.

[wanders off muttering "Must have a word with these Career Advisers at school, think they've got their wires crossed."]



Amber
x

PS. Definitely peer pressure Nicki.

Just noticed we've veered off topic. So can we continue discussing this on the Red, Amber etc. thread.

QUOTE

Just noticed we've veered off topic

Only just, crikey!

QUOTE (Rhapsodin @ Feb 5 2005, 03:02 PM)

And I can tell you that when I've worked in places like The City, the ONLY WAY to get anything like fresh air is to smoke a filter cigarette because the filter gets all the filth and everything out of the air before it gets into your lungs.

smoking does make your voice go bad just listen to Diedre of Coronation Street her voice sounds like a frog now. Personaly I'm not surprised though because every cigarette has 4000 substances in it including arsenic and tar and all other nasty stuff that you wouldnt normally eat drink or inhale. I feel sorry for Ville Valo from HIM because he smokes loads and when I saw him on the telly he looked almost dead! I would advise people not to smoke whether they are singers or not. Cigarettes should be banned

QUOTE (musicbox @ Feb 20 2005, 07:17 PM)

Cigarettes should be banned

Difficult when so many are already addicted. And some people really do not want to give up: you'll have a lot of illegal smokers.
In principle I agree but in practice I can't see it happening.

QUOTE (cheeble @ Feb 20 2005, 07:54 PM)

QUOTE (musicbox @ Feb 20 2005, 07:17 PM) Cigarettes should be banned Difficult when so many are already addicted. And some people really do not want to give up: you'll have a lot of illegal smokers. In principle I agree but in practice I can't see it happening.

Agreed. Naive.
It hasn't been banned because of the revenue the government reaps. Our government - any british government - is disgusting, taxing people's addictions to alcohol and tobacco to the hilt yet running campaigns against other "drugs" and imprisoning people. Who decides which drugs are legal?

Banning cigarettes would mean a tax hike for everyone. About £35 a month for an average earner.


Veronique

I was discussing this with hubby. He reckons that the government make much more money from the sale of cigarettes than it costs the National Health Service to treat patients with smoking-related diseases.

I suppose that if cigarettes and tobacco were banned, then people would transfer their addiction onto the next available substance which would probably be alcohol, so then we'd have loads more alcohol-related diseases, and crime rates and violence would also increase (drunk people do stuff that sober people don't).

OK I'll get off me soapbox now.

[clambers down and shuffles off in direction of kitchen]



Amber
x

PS. I've got an Evian habit. I love the stuff. Almost as much as I love curry. But as far as addictions go, I'm not too worried about it. Got it under control, and all that. Could give it up tomorrow if I had to (yeah, sure)!

I'm not aware of any health-related issues regarding Evian, and my conductor is always telling us to drink more water - good for the voice etc. (see how this neatly returns to something like topic).

Curry - I'm with you on that one! Worst side effect is nobody wants to be your friend if you smell of rogan josh

I smoked a while back for about a year ago. My voice has only just recovered in range and MY BREATH CONTROL STILL SUFFERS AT TIMES. Quit while you have a chance. Your voice does recover if you're young, but very gradually.

QUOTE (Deborah @ Feb 23 2005, 08:41 PM)

I'm not aware of any health-related issues regarding Evian, and my conductor is always telling us to drink more water

You're lucky living in some rural part that still has them. Our buses are driver only so we get no chit-chat. Evian is quite good but it got bad publicity a while ago. We had laughs wondering if someone peed upstream from the factory.

Deborah, may I ask if you're from the south? Most people drink water from bottles in the south.


V

QUOTE (Wyldbabi @ Feb 26 2005, 10:03 AM)

Most people drink water from bottles in the south.

Not me!

Yes, I'm from the heartland of suburban commuter-belt Surrey.

I just fill up an old bottle from the tap to take to rehearsals, although one of the collection is an Evian bottle. I don't normally buy bottled water just for rehearsals, but have been known to consume sparkling mineral water during concert intervals (when I'm listening, not performing). Husband won't let me have other fizzy drinks - he can't cope with the sugar rush, and a wife bouncing off the ceiling

Given the choice I'd drink from a cut-glass glass (see comments on Surrey, above), but this isn't really safe in a room of over 100 singers, some of them even less delicate than I am.