I thought I was doing OK at piano. Over the last five years, after grade 5, I had worked hard and passed TCL First Concert Certificate, grade 6 and grade 7 exams. I also took year-long practical classes in ensemble playing and piano performance. After working by myself on two grade 8 pieces for a few months, I started with a new teacher early last year. I tentatively planned to finish my grade 8 pieces, learn another three or four, and take grade 8 in December. However, after a few lessons, the teacher made lots of criticisms of small things in my playing of the pieces. I said that I was aware of these, but since these were the hardest pieces I had ever played I was still working on controlling the notes, so I couldn't make those refinements yet. Then she told me I shouldn't be working on grade 8 pieces, but should be doing two or three grades below that. I didn't see any point paying for lessons on grade 5, so I stopped. But this has completely wiped out my confidence. I've barely played the last eight months. I say, OK let me learn a new grade 5 piece. But I know it's going to take maybe a couple of months to play it well, and how am I ever going to get any better if I don't tackle harder pieces? I'm so depressed, I feel like I've put in a huge amount of hard work for several years only to be told it was worthless. So, any advice on rebuilding my confidence?

First and foremost, remember that the work done is never useless. In the very worst of cases, it might help us understand we worked wrongly ... but even so, it is useful and part of the learning process. I am sure that, as you write, you are doing OK.
What I'd suggest you should do is make a compromise. You could continue polishing up one Grade 8 piece and also tackle one Grade 5 and/or one Grade 6 and/or one Grade 7 piece. When one gets to those standards - I'm a Grade 7-ish (adult learner aged 54) but 5-ish in many respects - the demands of teachers and examiners are - and have to be - much higher and the feeling of frustration sometimes becomes very strong.
There are issues related to touch, fine phrasing, musicality, dynamics, expression and so on which must be addressed only when technique has been properly mastered and technique alone takes ages to develop properly. At Grades 7-8, pieces take a very long time and it often happens that they do not sound as good every time you play them. There is a physiological consolidation process that is likely to be affected by tension, worrying, deadlines, self demands, etc. and which takes place very gradually over a more or less long time with a number of plateaux along the road.
If you've come this far, I'm sure you really enjoy playing and learning so ... keep at it!

I think that your teacher lacks tact but that another part of the problem may be that you (and your teacher) appear to be thinking primarily in terms of "grades." If, instead of saying you needed to play pieces which were a couple of grades easier, your teacher had just produced a piece and said "I think it would be a good idea to work on this to improve X" then you wouldn't have felt you were going backwards.

Music is not intrinsically graded and if you think about it, a professional will play a grade 1 piece differently to someone who has only been learning for a year (or so) even if the beginner is officially grade 1 standard because they have passed their grade 1.

I am not in the UK and so don't have the same grade system but last year I took a French exam. For complicated reasons, which I won't go into again here, my teacher had told me that the grade level was a lot lower than my current playing level. In one lesson, about three weeks before the exam, it seemed I could do nothing right and he was stopping me every couple of notes. After about half an hour of this, with my confidence severely dented, I asked him if he was sure I was good enough to pass the exam. To which he replied that I had misunderstood what he was doing, that the way I had sight-read the piece the day he first gave it to me was sufficient to pass the exam but he didn't want to waste valuable lesson time so he was teaching it to me as if I was preparing it for a much higher level exam. In other words, pieces can be learnt at different levels and taught in different ways.

Why don't you find a different teacher? One who can point out your strengths as well as your weaknesses and who can suggest ways for you to improve your technique without giving you the impression that you are going backwards. The basic technique must be there if you have already passed grade 7 and all you need to do is refine it.

I stopped taking piano lessons for a few years while I concentrated on other music lessons. When I started again I could still play the pieces that I had previously worked on, but I couldn't start new pieces at that level.

My new teacher gave me some Bach to try, and I just couldn't do it. I got really frustrated, because I knew that it was well within my abilities.

I decided to start from the beginning to build up my confidence. I bought the grade 1 book, and learned three pieces. (Obviously, I could learn them fairly quickly!) Then moved up the grades, until I got to where I had been when I stopped lessons.

You might not want to start as far back as grade 1, but it really helped me to start where I had absolutely no problems, and could perfect it within a very short time. It built my confidence very quickly.

I was also helped by having an excellent teacher who praised me all the way, and as has been said above, taught me the pieces to a higher level then the 'official' grade.

Agree very much with this. Several years ago I was playing at Grade 8+ standard and moved to a new area and found myself a teacher. I had much the same experience as you have had. Fortunately I then moved away from the area and once I'd settled somewhere else, found myself a new teacher. However, I did some homework beforehand and asked around until I had a recommendation for a teacher that I thought would suit me. And I moved on much better with his teaching.

This is very important, because you have to feel confident to be able to perform. Why not go back and choose one of your grade 7 pieces or something similar and revise it, getting it up to a good standard (in your own opinion), as well as tackling something that is harder. Then you can approach a new teacher with a piece that you are reasonably confident with, as well as something that clearly needs extra work.

Please don't be dispirited about this situation. You simply need to find a teacher who is perhaps a bit more positive and who understands that it's important to keep up the morale of their pupils.

You don't say much about your relationship with the new teacher, though. Is she approachable enough for you to tell her how you felt after the lesson and to ask for help with your confidence? I have a teacher who is quite critical (and sometimes I feel dreadful in/after lessons) but I can talk to him when my confidence takes a dive and he is very helpful. Of course, the downside is that she might not be like that and blows you off, in which case it won't help. But then you'd probably do better with a different teacher anyway.

Sorry to hear of your experience, cricklewood. A friend of mine had a very similar experience to yours and has never played since, which is a pity as she'd passed grade 7 with a merit. It's one of the things which is putting me off getting a teacher myself.

I'm sure the important thing is to find a teacher who will help you work on technique without making you feel that you're useless at piano - sadly, it's easier said than done, but word of mouth is probably the best way to find someone. Don't let one teacher put you off learning as my friend did!

This is a great shame Cricklewood. I think there's a good chance your teacher may not have explained the plan properly, and this has made you feel cut down.

Often I find that adult returners who have been playing alone for some time, will have developed little flaws or bad habits of technique, or they have neglected some areas. The easiest way to work on this is to give them very easy pieces to work on. This bypasses all the note learning they would have to do if they were to work on a piece which is their "grade", and it enables us to get quickly to the heart of the problem area. For example, say I had a Grade 5/6 pupil who had been playing alone for years and had been overlooking or ignoring phrasing. I would lend them a Grade 2 or 3 book, and pick out some pieces which had distinctive phrasing. Because the pieces are easy, they will learn the notes quickly, and then be able to concentrate on perfecting the phrasing. That way we can probably plough through a lot of different pieces in a short space of time.

Don't give up.

Thank you everyone for your many ideas and encouraging words, they are all much appreciated. Interesting that others have had a similar experience. I'm going to be positive and do lots of practising -- I have started today. I'll try to finish learning a 'grade 5' Chopin waltz I never quite got together. It takes me a long time to learn the notes, so I'm also going to do lots of work on sight-reading, keyboard harmony, transposition, playing by ear etc. -- 'playing the piano' rather than just 'playing pieces'. Hopefully once the momentum builds up I will feel better. Thanks again!

Your experience is similar to mine, a tactless teacher once told me I'd never be a decent pianist and this has haunted me ever since to the point I've failed two grade 8 attempts due to nerves, and in the case of the second, pneumonia.

You would be advised to get another teacher. Ask around, and be open about your experience when 'interviewing' prospective teachers. You are paying the teacher, you are not paying to be insulted and have your self-esteem destroyed.

Remember you can play. The teacher was wrong to be so negative.

For the last few months, I have been working on pieces that have been set for grades somewhat lower than I have generally been studying, and it has been a very positive experience for me.

To put my playing in context, I'm a viola player, I got distinction at grade 7 about 6 years ago and since then, much of the repertoire that I have worked on is on the grade 8 or diploma syllabus. The pieces that I'm working on include one that is currently set for grade 6, one that has previously been set at grade 4 or 5 (can't remember which) and a couple that I'm not aware of having appeared on a syllabus but which I would estimate at grade 5-ish.

It's been great working on these pieces. My initial thoughts were that as they should present relatively few technical challenges, I'd be able to concentrate on trying to play more musically, which I think has happened. But after the work I've done, I now see that the pieces have presented me with many technical challenges - just challenges of a different nature to those that I have with the higher grade pieces and that as a consequence my technique has (hopefully) improved in a way that I don't think it could have done otherwise.

One example of this occurs in a piece (Berceuse, Frank Bridge) that in many respects is straightforward - no difficult-to-reach notes, simple rhythm etc. What I have found is that the very simplicity of the piece really exposed my deficiencies in intonation, tone production, string crossing and vibrato. But, because I wasn't concentrating on fingering or simply trying to play the right notes at the right time, I could try to do the things that I have been taught about tone production etc. and also concentrate on listening to myself to work out whether it was improving.

The next challenge, of course, will be to see whether I can maintain these apparent improvements when attempting more challenging repertoire.

That sounds like a great idea. I learnt piano as a child and ended up (about age 14) at "grade 8 standard". My parents hadn't wanted me to study for grades, as they wanted me to learn for pleasure.

Now, I sometimes wish I had completed grades... then I think.. for what reason. I guess just to prove to other people that I can play!!

I, too, was hugely dispirited when I went back to playing (albeit without a teacher) in my 30s. I assumed I would just need to brush up and carry on where I left off. I couldn't have been more mistaken.

I certainly think that trying a piece (your Chopin waltz) that you never quite finished is a great idea. It will give you the confidence in a new piece that you can put together yourself and move on and do really well.

I bought myself the Grade 3, 4 and 5 books and have been picking through those pieces. I've tried not to think of them in grade terms, just new pieces I would like to learn.

Once you've got the confidence and enjoyment back you'll be well on your way. I think mixing your older graded pieces with really getting the Grade 8 pieces down.

Don't stop playing due to one other person's opinion.

Keep us updated!

I love the piano and enjoy the time I spend practising but I have no confidence at all if I am asked to play for others. I have stopped worrying about this though and decide to just enjoy playing in my own home - it is no problem - I will never be a concert pianist and I do this for fun so there is no reason to become stressed!

Playing instruments is very difficult. I think a lot that people punish themselves too much and forget this.

OF course, what you need is support. Any pianist who has had a bad experience and lost their self confidence needs support.

What they don't need is any mindless rubbish from anyone who should know better.

Make sure your next teacher is supportive.

You have passed Grade 7. Remember that. That is an achievement you have under your belt.

That can not be taken away from you. It is a case of onwards and upwards.