I've just dipped my toe back into the waters of instrumental teaching after many years of doing other things. I have around a dozen students, most of whom attend regularly, pay up on time and are keen.

But... I have a couple of children I've taken on as I know the parents and, to be honest, they're a pain in the backside. They frequently cancel at the last minute (or don't turn up at all), want to rearrange time slots each term depending on the other activities the kids do, pay late and seem to regard my teaching as a "hobby" rather than a job.

Does anyone else teach anyone with whom you have a personal connection or do you keep business and personal life separate? I'd always thought that you'd treat those you're friendly with the same respect you'd give anyone else but it doesn't seem to be the case here.

I think that it's good to make it plain from the start that this is a business arrangement and let them know the ground rules.

I had a couple of these whe I got going. The way I dealt with it was to tell them that now my teaching practice was becoming really successful I needed to move the more casual pupils into such-&-such a slot (pick a slightly inconvenient but possible time - e.g. 7am on Sunday) so that I don't lose any income from potential customers. This made them decide for themselves where they stood.

This sounds so familiar... Over the years I took on quite a few of my husband's work colleagues and other acquaintances. As you say, they seemed to regard it as a casual hobby for me and I had far more messing about from them than anyone else. I've managed to deal with one family successfully by keeping it businesslike from the start, standard Ts and Cs and so on, but it is very hard to backtrack and try to get things under control when they've established a pattern of doing things their way. Perhaps you need to have an honest talk with them, bite the bullet and say that as you are now getting more students, you can no longer accommodate their frequent cancellations and rearrangements and you need to put them on the same footing as everyone else, because otherwise it isn't fair on your other students. Produce some Ts and Cs if you haven't already and get them signed up. Genuine friends will get the message and behave and you are better off without any who don't. Good luck, it's tricky.

I've had quite the opposite! It was my friend who asked and asked and asked me to teach her daughter who was 7. She said, "I'm definately sending her to piano lessons and I'd rather send her to you". I hadn't even thought about teaching until then, so I suggested that we'd try 6 months in case I felt that it wasn't right for me, and I'd rather have her daughter change teacher sooner rather than later. That was almost 4 years ago! The girl has Grade 1 &2 practical (merit) and Grade 1 Theory 89 per cent at the last session in March! I love it and I thank her often because if she hadn't put her faith in me, I might never have started! She is here every Mon (term time) without fail, and I've never had to ask for payment, it is always sat on the kitchen unit by the time the lesson is over. I now have a dozen pupils and although I charge the going rate I have never increased my friends fee from 7 pounds! There is a good feeling of appreciation on both our parts.

I feel your pain !

After 18 months of being messed around, I drew the line tonight. The fall out continues unfortunately, and will probably be on-going for a while. But I did everything for 'child of friend of friend ' bar dance naked in the street. Take the advice of those on this forum who are far wiser than myself and with stronger backbones.

Have to say I'm struggling somewhat with the concept of 7am on a Sunday being a 'SLIGHTLY inconvenient' time slot...



At that time I'm normally ...

I agree

I think the problem is that friends often feel they are doing you a favour by sending their child to you. I was keen for my daughter to have a particular teacher for piano, but she had a waiting list; the months went by. Eventually I mentioned my frustration over this to a friend whose daughter K was having lessons with the teacher. "Oh", said the friend, "actually K has been wanting to give up piano, but I thought it wasn't fair to deprive Mary of the income when we've been friends for years. Now I know she has a waiting list, we'll stop lessons." Result: after 9 months of waiting we were able to start lessons!

If people think they are doing you a favour, they are more likely to mess you about. How serious about piano are your friends' children? It could be that they've been persuaded into lessons by their parents, thinking to do you a favour, and that's why piano constantly comes bottom of the priority list.

Why not make them sign a copy of your terms and conditions like any other student/parent? Or if you don't have them, consider introducing them?

I teach the daughter of a couple with whom OH and I are friends, and it's often nothing but hassle. They cancel last minute, or the daughter forgets, or turns up without books, and they always pick her up late after the lesson. Late cancellations are usually not paid for, and because they are friends, I feel awkward about chasing. The irony is that I had cause to consult her father over a healthcare matter (the sector in which he works) and treated the whole thing as a business transaction from beginning to end, paying the going rate for work he did. But I have not received the same courtesy back, and the situation is ongoing.

It's always a difficult situation, so I would endorse what others say about getting them to sign your T&Cs to put it on a business footing straight away.

I agree with treating friends and their offspring like any other "clients". I teach the children of several friends and find that being professional is the best way. All my parents agree to and sign my Terms and Conditions and are good about paying on time, punctuality etc, because they know it's a business arrangement, not a favour.

However, I've learnt my lessons over the past few years and have really had to toughened up! I've had parents string me along, trying to work out how to get their children to lessons (waiting for me to offer to bring them here!!) or expecting me to have facilities to entertain a wiating sibling/sleeping parent (yes, one dad used to regularly fall asleep in my family room while his daughter was having her lesson in the music room!)
I also had a family who would often ask me to keep hold of their children after the lessons, until they could be collected. When I was about to introduce my contracts (following valuable advice from the forum!) they decided to move the children to a different teacher and I never heard from them again! A shame, because the children were lovely and hard-working and I also felt that we'd lost a good friendship, but it did make me realise how one-sided the relationship obviously was!

So my advice; be firm and have the same rules for everyone.....we're music teachers, not babysitters, taxi drivers or charities!!

I see I'm not the only then who's had problems separating business and friendships. I have found it difficult to bring up the subject of money, time-keeping, cancellations etc to friends but I'm a bit put out that people feel they can treat me with less respect purely because we have a connection outside of a business transaction.

I am introducing T&C from September, along with a price increase to bring my fees in line with MU/ISM recommendations. All the parents are getting notification this term and everyone, including the friends, will have to agree to the T&C. It might be that I lose one or two along the way but that might not be such a bad thing!

Personally, I haven't found friends a problem - in fact, many were friends (or children of friends) long before they were pupils. They always seem to have understood that this is my business/work/career. The couple of family members that have had lessons have been another matter entirely, and I wouldn't go there again

This is not quite on topic, but might be useful for anyone who has to deal with a difficult "friend" situation.

Last year, I had a pupil (who'd come on the usual business footing) who was frankly messing about a bit. No practice, any excuse to miss a lesson etc. I spoke to both child and parent and politely suggested they reassess child's priorities. I then had a couple of long conversations on the phone - the mother was strangely indecisive and almost wanted me to tell the child to give up.

Anyway, the useful bit is that when I mentioned that I had a particularly keen child on my waiting list, and this recalcitrant pupil was effectively depriving her of lessons, the pupil felt guilty and promptly volunteered to stop lessons!

I just thought it might be a useful idea for anyone who needed to help someone decide that instrumental lessons were not their top priority.

In my early days I had a couple of experiences with teaching friends (at a discounted rate too). I found that they didn't take it seriously, didn't practise, and that they messed me about. I no longer teach friends, (I just say that I'm full), and always have a good teacher in mind to recommend when the question arises!

Good for you! Hold that thought! It will be worth it. I found the hardest thing when this happened to me was to let the annoyance go so we could carry on being friends afterwards. It's ridiculous of me to care, but after months of messing around, my friend's child just gave up with no notice, and that same day her mum turned up at school having very obviously spent the term fees at her hairdressers....

*breathes in slowly*

But I'm over it now...