When i first started teaching a few years ago i started with a nine year old boy. He's eleven now and for a while its been obvious he isn't really enjoying it. I've spoken to his mum about this and she admitted he gets really upset at the thought of having to practice, have lessons etc. He's interested in guitar and drums and i suggested he might want to try this instead but his mum said that she would be devestated if he stopped and even if he took up another instrument she would still want his to take piano. Since she quit lessons when she was a child she's always regretted it and doesn't want him to do the same. She's completely determined he's not giving up lessons. He's really not enjoying it which is really disheartening for me when i'm trying to teach him in lessons. Does anyone have suggestions on how to deal with this? I've only been teaching a few years and haven't really had to face any problems like this until now.

Thanks
Linz

Presumably you have explored all avenues with your pupil - like introducing him to a wide range of pieces, including some jazzy ones? It was just a thought - since you mention that he is keen on drums and guitars. Some of my students who don't much enjoy minuets and gavottes come alive when we do more modern stuff.

If you are really really sure that this boy doesn't want to learn, then I would tell the mother that she is risking putting him off for life - is that what she wants ?? by insisting that he continues lessons.

You could say that you love your subject too much to be willing to go along with this, and you feel that you and he have given it your best shot .

Not easy - I wish you luck

Maggie

Sounds like she is trying to relive her life through her son... eek. No obvious remedies spring to my mind. She really needs to understand that to play any instrument well he really needs to want to play that instrument... if having lessons and practising is actively upsetting him she risks putting him off music (let alone piano) for his whole life. May be worth pointing out to her that learning an instrument he loves well is far better than learning the piano badly just for his sake, or possibly giving up on music entirely.

Poor kid. Parents... who'd have'em?

This is a common problem - I think most teachers will identify with the pupil who is in this situation. I know I have one at present. This thread follows a similar topic really to the one of removing an unsuccessful pupil from ones list that's been on this forum for a few days.

I think you've got to be honest with the mother much as Maggiemay has suggested. If this fails to convince her (and carefully chosen repertoire doesn't provide any greater stimulus for your pupil) then, sadly, you are quite within your rights as a teacher to serve notice on the parent. You will know what the appropriate timescale for this would be (depends on how you structure your payment etc).

It's a very hard thing to do but it may, ultimately, be for the best. Alternatively you could issue a "warning" that either things improve or he will have to go. There are all sorts of ways to approach this but, overall, you will probably do the child a favour. If he gets keen on piano later in life he can always try again - I have plenty of late starters on my books at present. Keep flogging a very dead horse and he'll begin to hate music, his mother, you...... the list is endless really.

I'd decide for yourself what you believe, in his interests (and yours), needs to happen and then go for it. It's very, very hard but sometimes has to be done. I don't know of any teacher who actually likes removing a student, as we all try to keep them on board and can feel quite guilty at our own failures when the relationship doesn't work out.

I'm about to serve similar notice on one of my 10-year olds - the difficulty here is he's a twin and I teach both boys in the pair. His brother is thriving as a pianist, he is not (quite the opposite). I have tried everything I can think of with this boy (and his parents have tried to be supportive and not obstructive too). In conclusion I feel he'd do better on another instrument - the piano just isn't right for him at this time. That's the line I'm about to take with his parents knowing that I risk them taking both boys away.

However, I have a waiting list of children keen and eager to learn - I feel I owe it to one (or two) of them to move on and open my door to them rather than continue to have a very unhappy 30 minutes for me and pupil as we try to flog an extremely dead horse!

Best of luck with your situation.

Would it help if you were to say that you felt you were not the right teacher for him. That might open up a bit of discussion and help you to find out why he is continuing! I know you are aware of the reason but there may be other hidden issues which are worth exploring.
The mother can't turn around and try to blame you for lack of interest or progress, which will come to the fore sooner or later.

Katie

Good Luck!

Why don't you suggest giving her the piano lessons instead? It's obvious she must still care about the piano and see it as a good instrument to learn. This could bring about many positive outcomes...

1. The son sees his mother learning and become interested in piano and continues lessons.

2. The mother enjoys her leaning so much that she remembers what it's like to be in the 'learning' seat again and see the futility of being pushed into learning something you don't like. She may even become a bit more understanding and allow her son to begin guitar lessons.

If she doesn't want to take lessons anymore then fine - But you should explain to her that it's pointless to make him do something he doesn't want to do and you could also say you feel bad for taking her money when he's not learning - that's my normal response in these situations.

I try to remind parents of the subjects they hated at school and we're forced to do.. normally mentioning P.E or double maths does the trick!!

good luck Linz - i hope you find the best solution for this awkward situation.

I was recently asked to take on a pupil whose mother wouldn't stop talking about how best to get him into music college, what to do post grade 8 and so on. He was 10 (and doing grade 3)!