play Eb melodic minor for 5 octaves....

So I sat down at the piano and...

and played nothing or the sort and he went what on earth was that and I said

"Well how can you expect me to know that?"

and he said

And he said...

"It was a trick question & you fell for it "

So I told him that that wasn't very nice of him to do that. And he...

So I got up and

Punched him in the face.

After I was released from the police custody for GBH, I decided that Grade 1 piano was not my forte and decided instead to.......

Go on the fiddle.....er no, I meant to say take up the violin..... So I.....

Bought an old genuine Stradivari off Ebay...just needed new strings, a new bridge, a new soundpost, new pegs, new tailpiece, fingerbaord levelling and gluing a bit around the edges, oh yes and those cracks repairing and a varnish job with ronseal and it was as good as new...

After 3 weeks I decided I was good enought for my Grade 8

It was the day of my Grade 8 violin exam........

And my old friend Lorna Linley had just phoned to say that her accompanist was willing to help me through the exam, for a small fee of.....

£500

Plus VAT, insurance, tax, a quiet backhander to her agency and....

a quick singing lesson thrown in...

I failed.... so i decided to da an frsm on the organ the week later... i arrived at the exam centre when i realised id forgotten my.....

money to give to tesco's for letting me buy the diploma

so i ran back home to get it, meeting my piano teacher on the way, who asked me...

what have you done to that

cd i gave you to...

Swapped it with 'kath' for my sheet music for Harp for my FRSM Tomorrow

But I'll buy you a replacement when I've got some cash" I replied. Fortunately, just then Lorna Linley floated past and I asked her if I could borrow a tenner.

"Tenor, darling?" She trilled. "Good heavens, no! I'm a Soprano." And with that she wandered off into.....

Newspaper recycling bins, where she met

shrek and fiona and the donkey, back from their little trip who challenged her to a singing comp in the...

bath

which was full of

The creatures that Shrek kills when he farts in the pool in the credits of Shrek

and her head gradually got bigger and bigger ...it was thought thta it could not get any bigger buit she has defied all odds

And it got bigger and bigger, and the Donkey popped it with his feet!

So I gobbled up Shrek, Fiona and Donkey, and set of, very satisfied, for the

sahara desert, which is 10C colder than my room today, because...

it started to

snow in vast quantities. However, whilst I was about 5 km away, it

began to rain cats and dogs, which is where my...

copy of music is under a

big mushroom called Fred...

who likes to eat

banana fish

and then

it started playing

le onde

so I stole the sheet music from it and

attempted to play it on a harmonica

Which attracted the attention of

Tommy Reilly and Larry Adler....

"you dont play it like that" they chorused
"what you need to do is.........

stand upside down on a wheelie chair and scream..

Rule Brittania backwards while performing a.....

Mozart sonata on an upside down piano