went straight into me, with the lobster in my hand. I found myself with Bob on top of me and...

Car Expert

all the ABRSM cafe chefs squirting purple ketchup down the stairs

to alert everyone to what has happened. Using ten people, they managed to get Bob standing up again...

Car Expert

But then they found out that the purple ketchup stained, so Bob was now a purple penguin

This made Bob very angry and he asked...

Car Expert

Car Expert if he could have twice the amount of ice cubes as usual and if Car Expert would be his slave for a month...but when Car Expert said no, Bob got even angrier so CPPF decided to make some black ketchup to squirt on Bob... the problem was she needed the secret ingredient which was...

petrol, but she couldnt find any that she could afford, as the prices were sky high so she

Had to use used chip fat instead. She

looked pretty shiny herself by the time she had done this, and found walking difficult wot wiv all the cooking fat spilt onto the soles of her shoes.

"Well, that's just great," she said, "I'll have to

cover myself in washing up liquid for the next half an hour and

run down the hill screaming so that everyone will look at the bubbles and I'll be in the paper

cup which everyone will fold up and throw in the bin.

So, she thought, maybe thats not a good idea after all. So she invented a paper cup that could be folded 12 times instead of the stard 8 which was such an AMAZING invention that....

Hey, Car Expert if you're there, you got time to type this up again?

The guiness (or is it guineas) book of records people were immediately at her side...but because CPPF hates cameras she...

Oh yeah! Cos it was up to the bit where emmm....something was raining snow...and then something random happened...that seems like such a long time ago!!

gave the cameraman (or, to be politically correct - the "videographer") a good hard slap in the

leg, which made him...



I'll have a look at my Very Busy timetable!


Car Expert

squeak so loudly that Wobby thought it was the great man (or should i say penguin?) Bob himself and

carried the photographer on his back to the forums cafe mini hospital... but he realized it wasn't Bob or the photographer, it was actually...

Beethoven the zebra, who...

Car Expert

Had just finished composing his 210th symphony and wanted everyone to hear him

crack his usual joke about "using both the black notes and white notes coz he's a zebra". But seeing as we've all heard him crack that joke about fifty gazillion times before we just

...beat him over the head with a baseball bat before he could get the words out. We then proceeded to...

chop him up and turn him into Kebabs.

"They'll like these at the Cafe", we nodded enthusiastically. "What should we call them though?"

Eek! First Bob, now Beethoven!! I swear Beethoven was a girl too...but hey!

"I've got an idea!" said Bob."Let's call them...

So they all came, in FUR coats!!!! while it's still summer!!! and our forum-ecologists started to...

walk along ABRSM road, only to find...

Car Expert

that they had named them zebra-kebabra

Which, unbeknown to most is actually directly translatable (a word?) into a long since vanished ancient language of lycanthropatic residents of Atlantis. It translated as. . .

magical milk, which...

Car Expert

is white, like ordinary milk, and pours very easily. The only trouble is

when you drink it,...

Car Expert

It makes you see everything purple and makes you feel really hyper... unfortunately Bob thought this was normal milk and drank it...

He started getting angry and mad because he can suddenly see everything being purple and...

Car Expert

Thought Car Expert dipped himself in Vimto...

in the café swimming pool, so he rushed towards the pool, and he tried to...

Car Expert

put his water wings on before he jumped in but before he could manage it he saw

Nat jumping into the swimming pool as well...

Sorry, couldn't resist!

Car Expert

So, throwing caution to the wind, he

jumped in as well, meaning...

Car Expert

tosave her from the ferocious purple shark that was basking in the shallow end. But then he looked up at the sky and saw

a flying cow in the sky. Bob...

Car Expert

said "Struth Bruce, a flying cow."

"I didn't know you were australian Bob," said

Nat.
She found out the shark was actually a deformed squirrel who looked like a shark and was friends with it. But the squirrel didn't like Bob so it...

chased Bob around the swimming pool until it...

Car Expert

nearly swallowed bob...but Nat grabbed him just in time!
"We need to find a way to get rid of the deformed squirrel..."puffed Bob.
"I've got an idea," said CE, who began making a list of...

his favourite, completely normal, not-insane-in-any-way, rational ideas to get rid of a purple deformed squirrel that looked like a shark. The first on his list was...

Let's tempt it out of the swimming pool with acorns.

But when they looked around for the nearest oak tree, they found

the acorns were bright purple. 'Never mind', they thought as they attached the acorn to a long stick and dunked it in the swimming pool...

CE decided to climb the tree right to the top to see what was inside the acorns. He found lots of Ribena liquid inside. He touched it, but suddenly, all the acorns tipped over and went all over Nat!

"Oh well, that didn't work", said CE. Next on his list was...

Car Expert

a copy of le onde. 'Surely he'll be tempted by THAT?!' he exclaimed...but then suddenly Nat appeared, she screamed 'DONT GET LE ONDE WET OR I'LL CALL OFF THE WEDDING!!' So then CE was forced to..

Didnt realise i'd not been on this for ages!