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Tess
Aug 20 2005, 03:02 PM
QUOTE(violin-ann @ Aug 20 2005, 02:57 PM)
Maybe you can now consider sueing the watch-maker for wrong labelling! blink.gif laugh.gif
*



Violin-ann,
Have you read sbhoa's list of manufacturers' labels/instructions in the much earlier "overheard" pages above? It was SO FUNNY I laughed till I cried! All done to protect the manufacturers though they were utterly ridiculous!
violin-ann
Aug 20 2005, 03:13 PM
Exactly! Ridiculously funny. That's as good as saying, 'warning:- instruction labels and warnings might cause uncontrolable laughter'
laugh.gif
Tess
Aug 20 2005, 04:53 PM
laugh.gif laugh.gif laugh.gif

chocolatedog
Aug 20 2005, 07:02 PM
I have a wonderful Japanese recipe which instructs:

"Spread the seasoned rice over the toasted lover......." blink.gif blink.gif

I'd like to see Delia demonstrate this recipe on her TV show!!!!! biggrin.gif
violin-ann
Aug 20 2005, 07:11 PM
Ohh.. ahh!! tongue.gif I'd like to try that recipe biggrin.gif
noodle
Aug 20 2005, 08:35 PM
QUOTE(chocolatedog @ Aug 20 2005, 08:02 PM)
I have a wonderful Japanese recipe which instructs:

"Spread the seasoned rice over the toasted lover......." blink.gif  blink.gif

I'd like to see Delia demonstrate this recipe on her TV show!!!!! biggrin.gif
*




Wonder is she looking for volunteers!
kmt63
Aug 20 2005, 10:22 PM
QUOTE(noodle @ Aug 20 2005, 08:35 PM)
QUOTE(chocolatedog @ Aug 20 2005, 08:02 PM)
I have a wonderful Japanese recipe which instructs:

"Spread the seasoned rice over the toasted lover......." blink.gif  blink.gif

I'd like to see Delia demonstrate this recipe on her TV show!!!!! biggrin.gif
*




Wonder is she looking for volunteers!
*




LOL ....
Boo Radley
Aug 22 2005, 10:34 AM
These are all fab! I know when we bought a cat blanket once there was a piece of sound advice: Please remember to remove pet before placing blanket in washing machine. laugh.gif
Choddy
Aug 22 2005, 10:42 AM
laugh.gif laugh.gif laugh.gif Loving all these!
Tess
Aug 22 2005, 11:28 AM
QUOTE(noodle @ Aug 20 2005, 08:35 PM)
QUOTE(chocolatedog @ Aug 20 2005, 08:02 PM)
I have a wonderful Japanese recipe which instructs:

"Spread the seasoned rice over the toasted lover......." blink.gif  blink.gif

I'd like to see Delia demonstrate this recipe on her TV show!!!!! biggrin.gif
*




Wonder is she looking for volunteers!
*



Not me! tongue.gif I'm no good for toasting. sad.gif Can't be tanned, either. Violinutter's always saying I'm too fair and yellow like a banana under the skin! laugh.gif
violin-ann
Aug 22 2005, 04:30 PM
I think they meant laver (spelling?), meaning seaweed, but who cares, a lover is much more interesting laugh.gif
janexxx
Aug 22 2005, 04:34 PM
I bet Nigella could do it!
grand choeur
Aug 22 2005, 07:39 PM
REAL Warnings

* On the "CycleAware" helmet-mounted mirror: "Remember: Objects in the mirror are actually behind you."

* On a large folding cardboard sunshade for car windscreens: "Do not attempt to operate vehicle with sunshade in place."

* On a car lock which loops around both the clutch pedal and the steering wheel: "Warning - Remove lock before driving."

* In the instructions for a Korean kitchen knife: "Keep out of children."

* On a packet of juggling balls: "This product contains small granules under 3 millimeters. Not suitable for children under the age of 14 years in Europe or 8 years in the USA."

* On a packet of Nytol sleeping tablets: "Warning: may cause drowsiness."

* On a packet of peanuts served on an internal flight in China (written in both English and Chinese): "Open packet and eat contents."

* On 500g packets of Sainsbury's peanuts: "Contains nuts."

* Seen on a camera: "This camera only works when there is film inside."

* On a bottle of flavoured milk drink: "After opening, keep upright."

* On a Rowenta iron: "Warning! Never iron clothes on the body!"

* On a can of windscreen de-icing spray: "Spray works in sub-zero temperatures."

* On a can of insect spray: "Kills all kinds of insects! Warning: This spray is harmful to bees."

* A different brand of insect spray: "Kills flies, wasps, mosquitoes, midges, and other flying insects. Not tested on animals."

* On a Halloween Batman costume: "This cape does not give the wearer the ability to fly."
crazy cow
Aug 22 2005, 07:45 PM
QUOTE(grand choeur @ Aug 22 2005, 07:39 PM)
REAL Warnings 


* On a packet of juggling balls: "This product contains small granules under 3 millimeters. Not suitable for children under the age of 14 years in Europe or 8 years in the USA." 

*



hheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
noodle
Aug 22 2005, 09:17 PM
QUOTE(grand choeur @ Aug 22 2005, 08:39 PM)
REAL Warnings  

* On the "CycleAware" helmet-mounted mirror: "Remember: Objects in the mirror are actually behind you."  

* On a large folding cardboard sunshade for car windscreens: "Do not attempt to operate vehicle with sunshade in place."  

* On a car lock which loops around both the clutch pedal and the steering wheel: "Warning - Remove lock before driving."  

* In the instructions for a Korean kitchen knife: "Keep out of children."  

* On a packet of juggling balls: "This product contains small granules under 3 millimeters. Not suitable for children under the age of 14 years in Europe or 8 years in the USA."  

* On a packet of Nytol sleeping tablets: "Warning: may cause drowsiness."  

* On a packet of peanuts served on an internal flight in China (written in both English and Chinese): "Open packet and eat contents."  

* On 500g packets of Sainsbury's peanuts: "Contains nuts."  

* Seen on a camera: "This camera only works when there is film inside."  

* On a bottle of flavoured milk drink: "After opening, keep upright."  

* On a Rowenta iron: "Warning! Never iron clothes on the body!"  

* On a can of windscreen de-icing spray: "Spray works in sub-zero temperatures."  

* On a can of insect spray: "Kills all kinds of insects!  Warning: This spray is harmful to bees."  

* A different brand of insect spray: "Kills flies, wasps, mosquitoes, midges, and other flying insects. Not tested on animals."  

* On a Halloween Batman costume: "This cape does not give the wearer the ability to fly."
*




brilliant!! Where does everyone get these?
user posted imageuser posted image user posted imageuser posted image
sbhoa
Aug 22 2005, 09:19 PM
QUOTE
* On a Rowenta iron: "Warning! Never iron clothes on the body!"


Love that one.
Saxophonist
Aug 22 2005, 10:18 PM
QUOTE(grand choeur @ Aug 22 2005, 08:39 PM)
* On a Halloween Batman costume: "This cape does not give the wearer the ability to fly."
*


Batman cant fly anyway
Noodelz
Aug 22 2005, 10:31 PM
He sort of does, he falls slowly.
Boo Radley
Aug 23 2005, 11:03 AM
QUOTE(grand choeur @ Aug 22 2005, 07:39 PM)
REAL Warnings 

* On the "CycleAware" helmet-mounted mirror: "Remember: Objects in the mirror are actually behind you." 

*


Doh!!! I knew I'd been going wrong somewhere! laugh.gif
YetAnotherPianist
Aug 23 2005, 11:11 AM
Has anyone listened to the recent radio adaptation of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy? There's a marvelous bit about the instructions on a packet of toothpicks:
QUOTE
Hold stick near centre of its length. Moisten pointed end in mouth. Insert in tooth space, blunt end next to gum. Use gentle in-out motion.


Wonko the Sane, a character in the book/radio play, withdraws from society on the basis that

"It seemed to me that any civilisation that had so far lost its head as to need to include a set of detailed instructions for use in a package of toothpicks was no longer a civilisation in which I could live and stay sane."

laugh.gif
grand choeur
Aug 23 2005, 03:19 PM
During a layover in an airport, I couldn't help but notice someone's name being called over the public-address system, followed by this announcement:

"We have found your hearing aid. You may come and
pick it up from the customer-service counter."
grand choeur
Aug 23 2005, 03:27 PM
Couldn't resist

When You Have An "I Hate My Job" Day Try This:

On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section.

You will need to purchase a rectal thermometer made by "Q-tip." Be very sure that you get this brand.

When you get home, lock your doors, draw the drapes, and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed during your therapy.

Change to very comfortable clothing, such as a sweat suit and lie down on your bed.

Open the package and remove the thermometer.

Carefully place it on the bedside table so that it will not become chipped or broken.

Take out the written material that accompanies the thermometer and read it.

You will notice that in small print there is a statement: "Every rectal thermometer made by Q-tip is personally tested."

Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times, "I am so glad I do not work in quality control at the Q-Tip Company."

tongue.gif
janexxx
Aug 23 2005, 03:32 PM
I remember once having some rock salt.

The gist of the spiel on the carton read.....

"This rock salt has been mined from the deepest salt mines in darkest Siberia where the purest salt crystallised many millions of years ago when the earth was covered by oceans"

Then it said..."sell by <insert date 3 months hence>"
Helen
Aug 23 2005, 04:14 PM
QUOTE(janexxx @ Aug 23 2005, 04:32 PM)
I remember once having some rock salt.

The gist of the spiel on the carton read.....

"This rock salt has been mined from the deepest salt mines in darkest Siberia where the purest salt crystallised many millions of years ago when the earth was covered by oceans"

Then it said..."sell by <insert date 3 months hence>"
*



Yep, I've always wondered why mineral water which has been "trickling through rocks for centuries" has a sell by date.
fluteandbassoon
Aug 23 2005, 04:55 PM
A warning on sainsburys milk-

Allergy Adive:Contains Milk
Saxophonist
Aug 24 2005, 11:08 AM
I saw this sign in the local shop on my way home yesterday:
For Sale
1 6 week old golden lab
lovely temperament
eats everything!
very fond of children
Oddball
Aug 24 2005, 11:10 AM
The wrong thing to say!! Or at least in the wrong order....
janexxx
Aug 24 2005, 11:20 AM
For sale

2 year old orange pointer
lovely temperament
eats everything
very fond of digital cameras
YetAnotherPianist
Aug 24 2005, 11:23 AM
QUOTE(janexxx @ Aug 24 2005, 12:20 PM)
For sale

2 year old orange pointer
lovely temperament
eats everything
very fond of digital cameras
*



laugh.gif

Piano not included, I presume....
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