OK, so what goes up has, sooner or later, to come down again.

1. The job came to a crashing halt. The reason the company is in trouble is because the CFO is unable keep her temper. Abusing the staff is not going to keep them committed to sorting out the company's legal and financial problems. Throwing a screaming wobbly at the bank manager (which I witnessed) is a pretty good way of landing the company in more trouble than it needs. One final tantrum in my direction led me to tell her I couldn't work with her any more....and I left.

2. My singing lesson today was a struggle. Relaxation just wasn't happening, support was negligible, and one of the works I'm learning I just can't get the rhythm, despite all the help my accompanist and teacher were both giving. We (my teacher and I) have decided that there's no way I'll be ready for LTCL in December so we're putting it off until Easter - and I feel so defeated by this. I had thought that, particularly following the opera course, the singing was going really well, but now it isn't. Particularly annoying as I now have time to work on it again (because of 1.)

3. My fingers won't play the piano music I can read and can hear in my head. I'm not really improving at all on this either, despite (again) having more time to work on it.

So I'm a fed-up, frustrated failure, and I'm having a bit of a sulk.

Humph!

Katyjay

Life goes in cycles doesn't it.

Part of your musical difficulties might be simply that you are not relaxed, not in the mood, because of the stress from your job and now uncertainty.

I knoe I can't focus on music when there are other things happening around me, and sometimes even to do a stint of practising requirs me to spend some tme gettng into the right frame of mind. When your instrument is your voice this must be doubly so.

But hey, things will turn around again soon, they always do. Hang in there and be ready for when they do!!

Maybe it was time to move on anyway

Sorry about the job, Katyjay. Look on the bright side here - more time to practise and study. Maybe the incentive to take on those pupils we keep on encouraging you to accept?

The lesson was a one-off, I am sure. From a teacher's point o view, there is little I can do with a student who arrives in a stinking mood. I am sure you will have a better lesson next week.

Hang on in there, Katyjay. Things will look up soon. We are all on your side.

Steve

Don't worry, Katyjay - I'm sure you'll soon be on a high again. I find just the same sort of thing with my clarinet playing - some days I listen to myself and think - well, actually that sounded pretty good - and other days my fingers and tongue don't seem to do what I want them to at all! The last few days have been very good because there's no carpet in the music room at the moment (the new one doesn't come till next Wednesday) and the resonance is making everything I play sound much better than it really is!

How's the recorder playing coming along, by the way?

Oh dear! Life has its ups and downs and you've had your share of the downs over the last year. I agree with janexxx that if your non-musical life is in turmoil, you won't be able to feel relaxed enough for your singing or piano playing. How about giving both a few days rest and get out and do something totally different to take your mind off things (bungee jumping, maybe?). You'll find you get things more in perspective and will get your usual positive attitude back. Also, don't try so hard at that pesky rhythm, or at the piece where your fingers won't do it - just leave both alone and give them what I call "simmering time" - you should find that suddenly it just comes when you least expect it to. Don't beat yourself up about the LTCL either - you've got plenty of time. I put off doing grade 8 several times!



Perhaps Steve is right - someone "up there" is doing their very best to push you in the direction you know you need to go, and encouraging you to do something about it!

Hope you come through this bad period soon.

*nods*

If you think about it, your huge "up" came when you got your job... it sounds like that has not only fallen through, but happened in a particularly stressful way. So I'm not surprised it's affected you and as has been said, when your instrument is your voice, it's going to be much more affected.

You've come so far in such a short space of time... I'm sure putting your LTCL off for a few months if necessary isn't going to stop you in the long run.

Hope things get better for you soon.

Sorry to hear things are not going so well for you. Hope you are not feeling down for too long and that your music picks up again soon.

How horrible for you to witness that and no wonder you can't work with her anymore. In that frame of mind of course you had a bad lesson, only natural.

Could you take a couple of days break by only sing pieces you are well practiced in and will enjoy? Something you'll relax into?

I'm sure you'll get through this and be able to move forward again. Just take it easy for now. We'll all send positive soothing vibes to help.

Sorry to hear things are going against you at the moment, katyjay. You must be feeling pretty rotten right now. Let's hope it won't be long before you will feel a lot better... both with your music and your job horizon.

Tess

The LTCL entry date must still be a few weeks away. it might still be that you can get it together by then.

Liz

Sorry to hear of your troubles katyjay - I wouldn't see it as some kind of defeat if you have to put your LTCL off until the spring - you've achieved so much so quickly that you're used to sprinting, not merely running & in that sense I can see it could be frustrating...

As for playing piano, well, I know what that feels like - so please don't worry about it - it will fall into place soon.

Best wishes
Jen

Sorry to hear this, Katyjay. Might it be partly due to the residual effects of the virus you had last week? Sometimes I can end up feeling below par for a while when the original symptoms have vanished and I think I ought to feel better.

With regards to the piano: I do know something of how this 'hearing in the head but not being able to play' feels, and it's very frustrating! Learning the piano is a bit like learning to drive: so many different things to co-ordinate it feels as if it's never going to come together. But eventually it does, and then we lifelong learners soon yearn to challenge ourselves with something else.

I'm facing decision time again about my LRSM, as I do every September and April. Do I enter this time, and hope with the extra incentive I'll put a lot more practice in and improve, or do I wait until I'm sure everything is up to scratch. It's a difficult decision when there are several months between entry and exam, and it's not always possible to get it exactly right.

Hope things improve soon.

Feel free to have a good sulk, Katyjay! But I'm sorry to hear about this bad patch.

I'm sure you are well off out of that very stressful environment. I would imagine it's not the first unpleasant scene you've experienced in this job, and probably the stress has been building up for a while and was bound to have some kind of negative effect. Take the chance to relax and unwind and I'm sure things will start to happen again.

All the best!

We're all thinking of you - they often say hugs are good for de-stressing so:

How did you do that, Chocolatedog?

Hope you are feeling a bit better today, Katyjay. We all go through rough patches now and again. I'm sure your singing lesson wasn't great yesterday after the problem at work, but just think, now you'll have more time for your singing and you may still get to do LTCL in November. If not, don't be too disheartened about it. Waiting a few more months to make sure you're ready can't do as much harm as doing it too soon and not doing your best.

Hang in there, thing will improve soon! Honest!

Just to second what others have said - don't worry about sulking, I think we all deserve to sulk a little sometimes!

It's here

Bummer isn't it - a good lesson can leave you on such a high and thinking you can conquer the world, and one duff one leaves you miserable as sin.

Hope things pick up soon.

1. CFO? I am sorry the job didn't work out, you were right to walk out though, it just isn't on if someone can wreck a company's chances and get so angry so easily.

2. Everyone has bad lessons, but you have to remember that for every bad lesson, you'll have more great ones. Your mind was probably mulling over the job, rather than singing. By Easter, I am sure you will have improved dramatically, and I am sure you'd be happier with getting a pass or higher at Easter rather than failing in December.

3. This is one of the reasons I had to stop piano (as well as GCSE work). I got so annoyed!! Actually the right hand was ok because I played the keyboard for 4 years but the left hand and putting it together go SO annoying! If you keep plugging away it will get better.

Wasn't aware that you were ill last week, but hope you feel better soon.

*Hugs*

Thanks for the "how to do it" JenW.

1. Katyjay, you were right to walk out. That woman was bullying her colleagues and you deserve to have a better working environment.

2. Your singing lesson probably didn't go so well because of the stress of the job. You maybe just need to relax for a bit and sing things you enjoy. I was really stressed throughout the last half-term of this school-year for various reasons so I just relaxed and played the things I enjoyed. I'm doing some serious practising now and I feel that the 'break' left me a lot fresher.
About the LTCL, it is probably better to take it at Easter when you will hopefully be more relaxed. It will also give you some more time to work on the repertoire so you can float through the exam.

3. I have the same difficulty with the piano. Have you tried the 'Dozen-A-Day' exercises. They're really good for exercising fingers and improving coordination.

Hope you feel better soon. PM me if you want to talk. Let me know how it goes,
Emma

Thank you everyone for all the support and kind words. This is one of the marvellous things about these forums, the amazing support everyone gives when someone's down. You've all helped me tremendously.

I've had a lovely day walking along Brighton beach in the sunshine, and I feel an awful lot better. I hadn't realised quite how wound up I still was about the job fiasco until I unwound today.

Reviewing the singing lesson more calmly, I've realised that I should really have postponed it - I was still out of kilter after my tummy bug and it's no wonder my abdominal muscles weren't doing their thing. One comment I missed at the time, but have just heard on the tape was when my teacher said "stop trying to be good - you are good." That's the first time he's ever said that directly to me. And if I'm honest, taking LTCL at Easter won't be that bad - three years and three months after starting lessons is still going at quite a pace. And the stuff I'm trying to learn is a bit tricky, so the extra time will be a good idea.

In the mean time, I have another opera course to look forward to, my first solo recital coming up in February, the Forums Concert........

And I'll just have to keep practising the piano - I fully intend to play piano rather than sing at the next Adult Learners' Concert.

So onwards and upwards again, I think.

Thank you all

Katyjay

It is worth while remembering that LTCL is a professional standard quali. These are not easily gained - there would be no value in them if they were.

Better to put the exam off until you are ready than to try it prematurely.

Steve

so glad you are feeling more positive, katyjay! as you say, 3 years and 3 months to get to LTCL is still pretty fast (it's incredible actually... ) and given how stressful life has been for you recently it'd be a miracle if it wasn't affecting you!

hope your next lesson goes much better!

I think that maybe you should try asking nicely (even if it's asking yourself ) to see if you could be allowed to do both: it would be such a shame to get you somewhere and not hear you sing .

Glad to hear that things are picking up for you and I hope that they continue to do so. As others have said I think you've made it to LTCL quickly enough without worrying about those extra few months .