Hiya this is random, but it bugs me alot

I've got a job and my "boss" is taking a person on who has had time off work through stress and other health grounds. Fai enough. But ever since she found out that this person wants to return to work after getting through the stress period, she's been making comments saying how she's pathetic and should get a grip, how she gets stressed but she just deals with it and doesn't get time off, and how she was probably just trying to cheat the system etc etc. It really bugs me coz I got time off school for stress and other things, except I haven't told her ( was I supposed to?!) so she doesn't know. So when she starts on this rant, she does at least twice a day, I just don't say anything.

It's ok with her coz it's only til I go to uni, but her attitude is one I've come across lots. I don't necessarily want to tell people that I had it so stop the patronising comments, because from experience people change the way they talk to me and so now I don't tell people unless I know they won't laugh or have a go at me. But it really hurts! And I want to know how I can say something so that people won't say it anymore. Or is it just one of those grin and bear it things? Also I'm going to uni and I don't know whether I need to tell them from the start, since I got some of my A2 deadlines extended and depending on what happens, might need to do the same at uni.

Any ideas?

Thanks

oh btw if you are gonna post a stupid comment, please don't, I'm not in the mood!

some people just have a complete lack of understanding for these kinds of things unless they've been through it themselves. your boss in no way comprehends serious stress - she's just equating it to everyday stresses, which of course it isn't.

it's like saying we all get down from time to time, so clinically depressed people have got nothing to complain about. people who think that way probably aren't going to change no matter what you say. telling your boss about your own time off from school when she's in mid-rant will probably only cue a "The Office" style awkward moment. since it's only 'til uni, she doesn't really need to know all that. the flip side of that is you've got very little to lose by saying something to her. it's your choice

if you still suffer from stress, your university should probably be made aware of it (though not in your interview )

this is not meant as a stupid comment. i'm sorry to hear of your situation but it won't be the last time you encounter it.

i'm also sorry to say it's real life. bad bosses abound. it's one of those things you have to bear at workplaces. backbiting like brown-noisng is nothing new.

like you, i'm disgusted with such conduct because it infringes on privacy and confidentiality and probably has some criminal implication. worse is supervisors and managers make up a club. offend one and you won't get a transfer to another department. there's little you can do but be diplomatic, find out how the transfer list works and have yourself put on it. you don't get rid of your problems even by leaving. you just change them for a different set.

i am so sorry to sound pessimistic but maybe face this sort of thing squarely now.

As to whether you are supposed to tell work or not, it depends how it was tackled on the application form, most companies ask how many days sick you have had over the last 12 months and you should explain any absenses longer than (usually) 5 days. If you didn't mention it at this stage and it is found out later it may jeopardise your position in the company.

As to whether you should mention it to the uni, is it still an issue? - if so get doctors note confirming it, then they can handle it accordingly, if its not an issue, and they don't ask, there is no need to tell them. If you feel it may still rear its ugly head, best to let them know.

From an employers point of view stress is a difficult one to handle, any absence impacts on the other members of staff (and increases their stress levels) but as it doesn't have any physical symptoms apart from migranes is very easy to disbelieve, so you will probably always come across this attitude from employers, and the employees who have to pick up the extra work. Basically they don't understand what people who suffer from stress go through.

Best of luck with uni

I wasn't gonna mention it to her anyway, coz it'd be awkward and pointless like you said. The only reason I would was if I had to, but as I don't always get a break when I work for 8-9 hours, if she tries to take legal action against me, then I'll take some against her!

It's stupid I can do a whole day without a break at work, but I get stressed out with school work. Work's more of a physical thing, a physical fatigue, but school and academic work is mental fatigue and really tires me out. More than a day at work. Well that's what it's like now, it has been any form of effort at all which tires me out.

It does still affect me, some of my deadlines got extended, but it hasn't been as bad. I've been talking to my music teacher a lot about it this year instead of just letting it build, which really helped, but now I'm leaving, so I don't really know wht will happen!

I think your choice to do music at school is probably a good one if so. Well the practical part of it sounds alright for you. Maybe you could try doing your assignments ahead of time so that it doesn't get piled up and worrying, nearer to the dateline. You might need to plan around your work a bit. I find that the longer you drag something, it becomes a drag to do, since you would have lost all enthusiasm for it as time passes.
As for the boss, stuff her. She doesn't need to know!

Elmo

I'm sorry that you've been ill. You should make sure your Uni know if there's any risk that it will happen to you again. Your health is of paramount importance to you, and anything that may damage it needs dealing with right away.

However comfortably you can do your job, you MUST take a break part-way through the day. This is health and safety law, and if your boss ignores it you need to let HR know. Workplace stress can build up over a long time, and you don't notice it until it's done you serious harm. Please don't let that happen to you.

If either the Uni, or your boss, give you a hard time about being susceptible to stress, then they are breaking the law. There's a new Act called the Disability Discrimination Act - but it doesn't only apply to disabled people - which makes such behaviour illegal.

Take care of yourself, Elmo. And if you need any detailed advice, feel free to PM.

Katyjay

Its not stupid at all, you've said the job is a fill in until you go to uni, you therefore don't worry about it. School is something you care about as it effects the rest of your life.

Exactly! Besides, you are entitled to a break. Can the HR people remind me/us? Is it 20 mins every 6 hours?

But better not to leave on a sour note if you can avoid it in case you want to go back. References no problem as they must be careful what they say.

So Elmo, you are in this enviable situation where you'll be leaving shortly anyway!

Good luck!

Elmo, I totally sympathise!

I had a massive relapse of ME halfway through my first year at uni due to giving blood and then getting a nasty dose of the flu. Not fun! On the whole most people were pretty sympathetic and stuff like essays (which were formative not summative, ie they didn't count towards my grades) I got a certain amount of leeway with, but I didn't get any extra time etc for anything that counted. It is possible to have some help though including things like taking exams in a different venue if the main one is a long way away and you have to walk it. It probably depends on the uni and even on the department. If your doctor can write and explain that might be good, and also make sure you establish good relationships with tutors etc so if something happens they know you well enough to know that you're not just slacking or something.

Elmo - I would suggest that you don't mention it at work unless you need to.

There is unfortunately a lot of stigma attached to those kind of things. There's even still stigma against things like epilepsy (which doesn't make any sense whatsoever)!

But people assume that everybody else is just like them (which is downright wrong, of course), so anything with psychological symptoms (whether or not they have a psychological cause) tends to get the "you're weak-willed", "you just need to try harder" kind of attitude.

I know it's hard, but it looks like it's one of those grin-and-bear-it situations, for you anyway. Is she doing these rants in front of the person in question? I think that would not only count as discrimination but as harrassment too and if that's the case then something should be done.

Thanks for the replies. I have to find a GP within the first week of uni, so I'll get one and then tell uni, so that if they want a letter, they can have one. I have lots for many reasons which they could have a copy of if need be.

She doesn't say anything when this woman comes in. To her face she's really nice, and says she can take as long as she likes introducing herself back to work and stuff and then when she's gone she has her rant.

At least I only have another week left at the most!

Yes, at least you know you're escaping soon!

From my experience universities are very supportive of people with genuine difficulties like this. We're all different to some extent anyway, but if you are more suseptable to stress than others that has to be treated sympathetically. As Katyjay says, you do have protection from adverse treatment of this nature. This is precisely why we have employment law, health and safety acts etc etc etc.

btw, I know countless people signed off work with stress (my mum being one), so don't feel alone.

Rest breaks are detailed in the Working time directive:

Rest entitlements

Under the regulations adult workers have the right to:

· a daily rest period of 11 consecutive hours;
· an uninterrupted weekly rest period of 24 hours; and
· a rest break (min 20 mins) where the working day is more than 6 hours.

Young workers (i.e. under 18 years) are entitled to a rest period of:

· not less than 12 consecutive hours in each 24 hour period;
· a rest period of at least 48 hours in each 7 day period; and
a rest break where the working day is more than 4.5 hours.

You can't opt out of rest breaks. And the rest break must be taken before the 6 hours is up not added on the end......you shouldn't work through lunch.

Also I must reiterate the advice given by others. This person obviously has no idea what "real" stress is and is equating it to normal everyday busy-ness which we all have to deal with from time to time. "Real" stress is totally deblitating in that your body will suddenly say enough is enough and shut down in some way. The danger is that you don't see it coming, you believe you are coping, and then its too late. Its the body's way of ensuring you take a rest when you desperately need one. And its very very difficult to get back into the swing as you recover.

It is really important to have good friends around you you can talk to and offload to, and who can spot the symptoms and help you before it comes to the break point.

Working long hours without a break will not help either...and is against the law.

ok, as of today, I'll make sure I have a 20 minute lunch instead of standing and eating while doing other things!

Stress just feels like it's a "older"person's thing, and it's pathetic for me to have had it at 15.

I haven't really spoken to friends about it very much, there's two that are great though. I've talked lots to a couple of teachers, which has really helped, and this year they started telling me when to slow down which was even better. Before that I just blitzed my way through!

Thanks again for your replies.

Don't feel pathetic... I had ME (which is effectively the body being unable to cope with stress, be it physical illness or other kind of stress) at 11... I know it can feel ridiculous, and other people can make you feel stupid about it - like people who tell me that at 26 I should be fit and healthy and should just pull myself together (yeah, like I wouldn't if I could!!)

Some people are just less good at coping with stress than others, their bodies just don't cope with it. At least you know that and have developed coping strategies. And being 15 isn't exactly stress free however nostalgically some adults may think it is...

Unfortunately, there are some utter boneheads in this world who think that just because an illness doesn't have obvious clinical symptoms to the outside world, they are made up.
My brother and I have both been unlucky enough to suffer problems such as these, (He had depression, I had anxiety and agoraphobia) although we were lucky enough for the most part to not get stupid and insensitive comments from ignoramuses (ignorami?).

People like that aren't worth getting upset over, I say. Don't let them bring you down, I certainly don't have time for people like that, and admire those like you and Sarah-flute, amongst others, who have to cope with a lot.

Anyone with any psych problems (whether or not they have psych causes) knows that it has nothing to do with your willpower, or positive thinking, or anything like that.

You need to establish in yourself - "I know what the deal is and they don't have a clue so do I really need to listen to them?"