Hi guys - moving on from the discussion that started at the end of my teaching by finger numbers thread - does anyone else suffer from being supremely confident musically but generally rubbish socially?
Carol

I wouldn't say I was rubbish socially, but I do feel more comfortable behind my piano than in a noisy pub! I don't have a lot of self-confidence in crowd situations, but I always know where I am with music though!

It could be because I was quite a shy child, and liked solitary activities like reading or practising music.

I took my degree in drama to try and improve confidence, and it helped a lot!

Amanda xxxx

I used to be very scared for both things - piano and socially. But now i like both....theyre both the best things to do in the world

I'm not terribly shy, but I do like to know some people if I'm going somewhere new/at a party... Having said that, I'm not the most confident performer on the piano. But, I would be much more confident behind the piano (or timpanis) than on stage, singing or something.

I have found that I have become more confident both socially and musically as I've got older (though the truth of this will be tested at the Woodford Green concert tomorrow!). I'm fine when I'm with people who have shared interests, but I hate it when I'm somewhere where I don't know anyone and can't find any common ground.



I was like this too, Amanda41, but I didn't have the confidence to do drama at teacher training college!

I too have improved with age and am not really shy - just seem to be more animated, sociable, funny etc. when teaching or taking a rehearsal than I am in my social life!!
Carol

Yes I agree with that Carol!

Rosemary

All the same, most of the time I prefer my dog's company to anyone elses

She's a great ice-breaker for nervous children though, and loves to lie down under the piano stool!

Once they see Holly they forget about being shy! One girl even brings a biscuit with her to lessons, to give to the dog on the way out!

Humph! No one brings me biscuits

Amanda xx

That's because you don't woof, wag your tail, lie on your back for tummy tickles and rest a cold snout in their laps.

Probably for the best if you don't start.

Hehe My cat lies on the floor during lessons normally - waiting patiently until the kids leave so he gets his food. Yesterday I was teaching for longer than usual, so mid-way through a lesson, the cat jumps onto the piano stool, terrifying my poor student, who was playing at the time and jumped out of her skin! He spent the rest of the lesson on my knee, determined not to miss his dinner!

It's a great novelty for them as long as it doesn't get distracting, and I do have to keep Holly out of the way when two very noisy brothers come for lessons.

When their Dad came to pick them up after the first lesson, the first thing they told him was "It was great - there was this sausage dog!"

Now they get to pet the dog afterwards if they've been good during the lesson - and so far they have been!

Amanda xx

...going back to the origianl topic - I do find I'm more confident when teaching than in any other situation. I suppose that's just because music's what I'm passionate about

You mean I shouldn't do that?



My confidence/shyness levels tend to depend more on how well I know people than whether it's a musical or social event.

I'm actually quite good at coming off as confident speaking to a hall full of people, but I think that's good acting rather than real confidence...!

I suppose it depends whether you want a biscuit or not


Odd, isn't it. I will happily introduce my recital programmes to a hall full of complete strangers. When accompanying music festivals, I am blissfully happy to take complete charge of a nervous performer in danger of going off the rails and coax her through; I do this without hesitation.

Suggest I meet these people in a social situation and all I want to do is go home. I suppose it is all about control. In the situations I described earlier I have it; in non-professional situations I do not. Being naturally shy, I curl up.

When facing tricky professional situations, my wife often asks herself, "What would Steve do?" and behave accordingly.

In social situations, she does the same and then behaves exactly the opposite

Steve

I'll bear that in mind...


lol!

That would be me as well. I'm pretty useless at social gatherings amongst people I don't know - I'll be the one standing in the corner, often on my own

It seems quite a common thing in the performing arts - almost odd perhaps to non-musos, that we can stand on a platform or stage and do our music thing and yet scuttle off afterwards like frightened rabbits! Give us a few drinks and we loosen up a bit, but I don't know any musician colleague who feels totally comfortable at those after-concert receptions and gatherings with people they've never met before.

If you're one of those people who's ever been invited to an orchestra reception/party and think the musicians are being rude by disappearing early, it's not that at all. We're just not comfortable with small-talk.

I'm glad I found this forum!

It's a comfort to know I'm not the only person who feels daunted by big social occassions!

I think it helps your confidence to meet people who have the same interests.

I think part of my problem was, that before I started teaching, and meeting people with similar ideas etc... I worked with people who I had nothing in common with at all, and really felt like a bit of a weirdo!

It was hard for me to join in with staff room conversations about celebrities/soaps, when I'm not into that kind of thing, and just can't get excited about it - even though they were perfrctly nice people. Similarly if I had mentioned that I like Shakespeare, or that I saw a really good play the other night, I'd be looked at like I was from Mars

Also some managers can make life difficult if they suspect you of being intelligent! I'm much happier workng for myself now!

No-one to tell you off when you take an extra five minutes over your lunch...

Amanda xxx

p.s - I hope that last post didn't sound in any way snobbish! It's sometimes hard to phrase things right when you're typing them out.

I know exactly how you feel, Amanda41.

So do I - especially the bit about soaps and celebrities!!

Big social occasions?

I cope with any social situation by running and hiding. Including breaks in orchestra rehearsals. Unless I know the people really well, in that case I don't run and hide quite as often. But I most people who know me seem to be aware of what's going on and don't chase after me or anything.

Performing is sooooooooo much easier!

They probably just think it's artistic temperament!

I use my hair to hide behind - it's nice and long! If I got it cut short someone might be able to see me! If I think I've embarrassed myself (even when I probably haven't) I just put my head forward and turn into "cousin it" from the Addams Family

I used to take panic attacks when I was younger, but now that I've just accepted that I'm not as loud as everyone else in the room, and that's O.K, they don't happen anymore.

Amanda xxx