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#1 karslima

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Posted 29 December 2009 - 21:43

I wondered if anyone who has subscribed to any of the online sites has any advice or experience to pass on (and no, abrsm forum site doesn't count as a dating forum!).

Based on my own experience I would give a luke-warm recommendation for Match (for the relatively large number of local people on the site and they can even write in sentences, woohoo) and OKcupid because it is free and at least it has fun quizzes. The worst site was girlsdateforfree which was really hideous. My biggest complaint (for any of the sites) is that there are a lot of married people online pretending to be single.

On the whole I have found that the whole experience is over-rated but in fact this has actually been a good thing because it forced me to log off and start sorting out other areas of my life such as buying my own place.

I just wondered if other people have had a better experience than I have.






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#2 Guest: Solari_*

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Posted 30 December 2009 - 08:27

QUOTE(karslima @ Dec 29 2009, 09:43 PM) View Post

I wondered if anyone who has subscribed to any of the online sites has any advice or experience to pass on (and no, abrsm forum site doesn't count as a dating forum!).


Hum, I find the constant adverts on the radio for these sites highly irritating... dry.gif

I really don't like the idea of those sites where people pay per month or whatever. The cynic in me thinks it's big business preying on, and cashing in on peoples' loneliness. I suppose they do give you the opportunity to "filter" unlike in real life, seeing as there's no guarantee that someone you chat up in a pub will have anything in common with you whatsoever. On the flip side, the very nature of the beast will mean that many people are extremely picky and things that seem trivial in real-life could prove to be a deal-breaker online.

A guy I used to work with did have some luck though, he joined a dating site specifically for grads and professionals and has been happily married for about 4 years now, so it can work. I'm guessing that free sites have a larger amount of users who won't take it seriously, or who are married/looking for a bit on the side etc so I'd tread carefully if using one of these.

I still think there's no better way to meet new people that to take up a hobby that you will be keen on. That gives you common ground and conversation material for starters - Martial arts is one example smile.gif

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#3 Aquarelle

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Posted 30 December 2009 - 10:35

QUOTE
QUOTE(Solari @ Dec 30 2009, 09:27 AM) View Post


I still think there's no better way to meet new people that to take up a hobby that you will be keen on. That gives you common ground and conversation material for starters - Martial arts is one example smile.gif

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Oh solari, I do love your sense of humour! Martial arts indeed! Particularly as it puns as Marital arts!! biggrin.gif
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#4 Guest: Solari_*

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Posted 30 December 2009 - 10:42

QUOTE(Aquarelle @ Dec 30 2009, 10:35 AM) View Post

Oh solari, I do love your sense of humour! Martial arts indeed! Particularly as it puns as Marital arts!! biggrin.gif


I did make that typo and had to correct it! laugh.gif The suggestion is a good one though, I think the girls enjoy throwing the lads about a bit; at least they did when I did Judo years ago... rofl.gif

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#5 Guest: JoMook_*

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Posted 30 December 2009 - 11:15

I've used a couple of them over the years and have found that they don't really work for me. That said, I thought that the Guardian Soulmates was the "best" one. (If you can get over the "The Guardian" bit wink.gif ).
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#6 BerkshireMum

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Posted 30 December 2009 - 12:05

For many people it can help to use a "special interest" site. When a chap at our church was widowed in his fifties, he met a very nice lady through a Christian site - they've now been happily married for 6 years. I believe Classic FM now runs an online site for music lovers, so you could try that if music is the most important thing for you.

The more general sites presumably attract all sorts of people, with whom you may or may not share a common interest. There would be more choice, but probably more people you instantly know you wouldn't get on with!
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#7 Guest: Solari_*

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Posted 30 December 2009 - 12:15

QUOTE(BerkshireMum @ Dec 30 2009, 12:05 PM) View Post

The more general sites presumably attract all sorts of people, with whom you may or may not share a common interest. There would be more choice, but probably more people you instantly know you wouldn't get on with!


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#8 Guest: Celeste_*

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Posted 30 December 2009 - 13:48

QUOTE(karslima @ Dec 29 2009, 09:43 PM) View Post
... (and no, abrsm forum site doesn't count as a dating forum!).
Well, I met my lovely boyfriend of two years on here... smile.gif

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#9 Aeolienne

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Posted 30 December 2009 - 16:04

QUOTE(Solari @ Dec 30 2009, 08:27 AM) View Post

I still think there's no better way to meet new people that to take up a hobby that you will be keen on. That gives you common ground and conversation material for starters - Martial arts is one example smile.gif

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Once I posted a thread on another forum about how I'd been going along to clubs and societies for ages (see my profile for an idea of the kind of things I'm interested in) but none of these had led to friendships. To this someone replied saying "I'm sorry you haven't had any luck meeting people" and I retorted "I never said I hadn't met people - I meet people all the time. It's getting to know them that's the problem - getting beyond 'How's the job?' and 'What was your name again?'" I wondered whether this was a case of Asperger literalism on my part, and I even went as far to check the dictionary definition of "meet" to see whether it can mean making an acquaintance as opposed to merely encountering someone.

But maybe for neurotypicals there isn't such a vast difference between encounters and acquaintance, because they have the ability to strike up a friendship in a very short length of time. That's my theory at least. I've found that most of the clubs which are touted as a great way to expand your social life in actual fact provide very little opportunity to get to know people. You can't very easily start a conversation in the middle of a concert, choir practice, slide show, training session, religious service or whatever organised activity the club is based around. So the social bit has to be confined to the coffee break, if there's one. If there are, say, 20 people present and the break is 20 minutes - well, you do the maths. And then people have to rush off home afterwards. At least that's been my experience.
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#10 Guest: JoMook_*

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Posted 30 December 2009 - 16:16

Aeolienne, I think that in the context of dating "meeting" someone means having found a partner. e.g. you would say "I've met someone, it's going well" and it would be taken to mean than you had a new partner.

Internet dating sites don't work for me because I find there has to be some depth to the relationship before it can become a "relationship". (I hope I have not just confused you more there!), and that can be difficult to achieve through the internet. Or maybe I'm just difficult ;-)
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#11 Guest: Solari_*

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Posted 30 December 2009 - 16:28

QUOTE(Aeolienne @ Dec 30 2009, 04:04 PM) View Post

You can't very easily start a conversation in the middle of a concert, choir practice, slide show, training session, religious service or whatever organised activity the club is based around. So the social bit has to be confined to the coffee break, if there's one. If there are, say, 20 people present and the break is 20 minutes - well, you do the maths. And then people have to rush off home afterwards. At least that's been my experience.


I used to go and watch ice hockey a lot. I met a great girl through that who I was with for 2 years, but yes, admittedly it was at after-game drinks in the pub. Still, it meant that we had a common interest and got on like a house on fire smile.gif

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#12 Aeolienne

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Posted 30 December 2009 - 16:50

I'm constantly being told that internet dating is supposed to be a boon for Aspies (or anyone else who can't do eye contact / body language) because you can get to know them online and win them over before meeting them in person... I don't know. IME those men who wanted to meet up with me did so after only a few days of exchanging messages, which although flattering in a way, never led to anything lasting beyond that initial meeting. Would it have made any difference if I had put my foot down and refused to meet anyone in person unless/until we'd notched up a certain amount of online correspondence? But that could potentially mean even more tedious deciphering of text-speak...

QUOTE("Solari")
"Wassup I lyk partyin n stuff wiv ma gals innit, I am a rite larf nd am lkin
for a nice lad to treat me lyk a princess!"

I got into a bit of an argument on Plentyoffish with someone who kept referring to me as "princess" and I, ever the royal-watcher said: "Which one? I hope I'm not Diana or Masako. Although I wouldn't mind being compared to Mary of Denmark or Maxima of the Netherlands." The sender couldn't seem to understand why anyone would object to being compared to someone as intelligent, attractive and with-it as Diana... tongue.gif
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#13 Guest: Solari_*

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Posted 30 December 2009 - 17:13

QUOTE(Aeolienne @ Dec 30 2009, 04:50 PM) View Post

The sender couldn't seem to understand why anyone would object to being compared to someone as intelligent, attractive and with-it as Diana... tongue.gif


LOL... was she ever "with-it"? Complete fruitcake IMO (good match for Charles then with his plant life monologues!).
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#14 Aeolienne

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Posted 30 December 2009 - 17:42

QUOTE(Solari @ Dec 30 2009, 05:13 PM) View Post

QUOTE(Aeolienne @ Dec 30 2009, 04:50 PM) View Post

The sender couldn't seem to understand why anyone would object to being compared to someone as intelligent, attractive and with-it as Diana... tongue.gif


LOL... was she ever "with-it"? Complete fruitcake IMO (good match for Charles then with his plant life monologues!).

I think we need a sarcasm emoticon!
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#15 Guest: Solari_*

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Posted 30 December 2009 - 17:43

QUOTE(Aeolienne @ Dec 30 2009, 05:42 PM) View Post

I think we need a sarcasm emoticon!


No, I got what you meant, I was just concurring in my own funny way smile.gif

tongue.gif works for sarcasm! biggrin.gif
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