Hi, as you might know I've recently - after much searching, found an ensemble that I can join. My first rehearsal with them is after Easter and the music is a bit of a challenge for me. I know it's to be expected - everyone has said "expect to feel lost at first" and so on, as they recall their memories of early ensemble playing. I don't think I'm scared of making a twit of myself, having already discussed the joy of playing just the first note of each bar with another of the violinists that I know a little already. I expect to be out of my depth initially, but I think/hope this will really push my progress forwards once I get into it.
So, I would be best served to be getting in as much practice as possible, fingers flexible, metronome work, going over the tricky bits of the music and so on. What am I actually doing? Faffing on the computer, scheduling extra teaching, in short ANYTHING except play my violin. It is gathering dust as I type.
It could be that I'm having one of the natural lulls that go with any cycle of learning, but I suspect I've somehow psyched myself out. It's like I'm setting myself up for failure, so I can say "See - I told you you weren't good enough."
I know I have to get my self back to playing, but in the mean time, has any body else self-sabotaged like this and if so how did you overcome it? Or did you just leave it and then have to work twice as hard when you had to deliver the goods?