Jump to content


Photo

To let go or not to let go....


  • Please log in to reply
57 replies to this topic

#16 ma non troppo

ma non troppo

    Prodigy

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 1295 posts
  • Member: 76027
    Joined: 23-September 09

Posted 18 March 2016 - 22:32

I think keep it brief and business like. Either email or write.  I have done this only twice and on both occasions it was fine. Don't give too much explanation and don't apologise. I agree with a couple of posters above that you have come to the end of the road. You don't have to explain. Be polite and tell them you no longer have a place for them. If they want to question why, then maybe enter into a discussion briefly, but wait for them to ask. People are usually aware that they have behaved unreasonably on some level. Also, if you are generally well-regarded, do not be afraid. People are not stupid and the chances are that if someone has behaved poorly as a client, others will have this opinion of them also.


  • 5

#17 GMc

GMc

    Prodigy

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 1076 posts
  • Member: 322722
    Joined: 27-September 11

Posted 19 March 2016 - 09:48

I think the writing was on the wall here when they declined the offer that every other pupil of yours is grateful for - ensemble, concerts etc.  And that you should probably make those activities part of the deal when they sign on if you have a waiting list and that way you will have your whole studio on board with you and get pupils who are grateful for the opportunities you provide. 

 

Clearly unreasonable and I would either sack them in writing or do some serious role play with someone on how to deal with them face to face next time they interfere and put them onto a final warning with your rules laid out.   Perhaps do the role play anyway then you will be prepared if you ever have to deal with this sort of thing again. 

 

To be frank we have three very experienced teachers on the go at the moment and  none would ever  have got to this stage.   They would have spoken up on the first occasion of dissent and said some version of "if you don't like my methods you know what you can do... And if you want to stay then  I really do expect you to support me and follow them without confusing little Bozo with conflicting advice from papa please"  Softened in one case with a bit of "how important parental input is and what you can do to help" but she is the highest level of Suzuki teacher trainer.   


  • 3

#18 Misterioso

Misterioso

    Virtuoso

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 5883 posts
  • Member: 13351
    Joined: 18-July 07
  • Outer Hebrides

Posted 19 March 2016 - 12:05

BabyGrand, I would have called it a day by now too. There is no excuse for this kind of behaviour. I'm afraid I don't think I would even have lasted as long as you have. These are not minor niggles, and if you have had to go through this sort of justification on a regular basis, it's probably not going to stop now. Please do think carefully before you consider a "review" - it does sound as though parting company would be infinitely preferable.


  • 3

#19 maggiemay

maggiemay

    Maestro

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 19860 posts
  • Member: 413
    Joined: 12-January 04
  • S E England

Posted 19 March 2016 - 12:26

BabyGrand, I would have called it a day by now too. There is no excuse for this kind of behaviour. I'm afraid I don't think I would even have lasted as long as you have. These are not minor niggles, and if you have had to go through this sort of justification on a regular basis, it's probably not going to stop now. Please do think carefully before you consider a "review" - it does sound as though parting company would be infinitely preferable.

Misterioso said it for me - I think you have been pretty patient and accommodating.

I'm with many of the other posts too - the general lack of commitment of this family to your teaching is very poor.

I would sort out a replacement (for next term?), and then write that letter. Best of luck.
  • 1

#20 Scooby Doo

Scooby Doo

    Prodigy

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 1204 posts
  • Member: 267513
    Joined: 07-June 11

Posted 19 March 2016 - 14:44

It isn't as though you are leaving the child 'high and dry' without a teacher - they have another option (in-school lessons). 

 

For me, a parent wasting an entire lesson on questioning my methods would have been the end of the road. 

 

Write the letter, and enjoy the sense of relief afterwards!


  • 2

#21 lubylu

lubylu

    Prodigy

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 1285 posts
  • Member: 522569
    Joined: 17-September 12
  • Dorset

Posted 19 March 2016 - 16:49

From a parent's perspective.....my son was "sacked" by his teacher a few months ago now. Nothing to do with my behaviour I hasten to add but more to do with it being clear that the teaching relationship between them wasn't really working and she was finding very hard to consistently fit his lessons in (she is a very busy freelance musician). I was very upset at the time, as was he. However he has a new teacher (suggested by the previous teacher) who has turned out to be fantastic. My son really likes and respects him. The improvement in his playing has been very noticeable, he is much more motivated and getting more enjoyment from his playing.

I know it's a different situation but it shows that what can seem as a parent like a disaster at the time, may turn out to be a success! I wonder if you can give your reasons as feeling that the teaching relationship is not working and that you feel the child would be better suited to a different teacher, in turn therefore more likely to progress as the parents would like.

Good luck to the new teacher however.......
  • 1

#22 ten left thumbs

ten left thumbs

    Advanced Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 782 posts
  • Member: 454622
    Joined: 09-May 12

Posted 19 March 2016 - 17:35

I tend to agree, no minor niggles here. More that teaching is being overtaken by conflict, and continuing is not in the child's interests. I hope you find a way to say this, either in writing or face-to-face. The best we can hope for is that the parents learn something perhaps from the experience (without them having to lose face) and things can go better with a different teacher. 


  • 0

#23 jpiano

jpiano

    Virtuoso

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 2173 posts
  • Member: 1270
    Joined: 03-May 04

Posted 19 March 2016 - 18:49

goodness, having read all the information, I think you showed great patience in lasting that long! I think I'd have been showing them the door, in the nicest possible way, after the family illness episode- I must say I'd have been very upset by that and would have found it difficult to continue working with the parent. The behaviour isn't reasonable and certainly not worth the stress involved.


  • 2

#24 BabyGrand

BabyGrand

    Advanced Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 769 posts
  • Member: 144315
    Joined: 27-October 10
  • UK

Posted 19 March 2016 - 21:09

Thank you very much everybody - everyone who has replied and those who have PMed me as well.  This whole situation has been getting me down and I didn't really know how to handle it or whether I was legitimate in feeling like I wished I didn't have to deal with them any more.  Your replies have really helped me, so thank you!  

 

I have decided to give them until the end of the school year and if there's been no improvement then I should be able to find a natural reason to let them go then (I don't really feel confident tackling them head on about their behaviour even if I have the right to!).  They have very limited availability to come for lessons so I could just find myself no longer free to teach at that time next year, or I am considering making participation in something (not everything, but at least recitals) part of my Ts and Cs, which I think would also have the same effect in causing them to go.  I am worried about how they (Mum particularly) will react - I suspect she will be annoyed with me and that makes me very nervous - but honestly I would be so relieved to be free of them!  I do think the daughter has potential and I would hope that she would do well with another teacher.  

 

In the meantime, I'm going to be brave and the next time Mum or Dad questions what I'm doing (which won't take long!), I'll give a brief explanation and then say they need to trust me to do my job.  If they make a fuss, that may well lead to us ending things sooner.  If they actually listen and accept what I'm saying, then I can enjoy teaching without the hassle, and see how long it lasts!  


  • 1

#25 Aquarelle

Aquarelle

    Virtuoso

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 7619 posts
  • Member: 10531
    Joined: 05-April 07

Posted 19 March 2016 - 22:22

Good for you!

 Yes indeed.. BabyGrand I have followed the thread but not had much time to post this week. I think you must be a most patient and long-sufferingt teacher. Now it really is time to think of yourself and you will certainly feel better once it is all ovre. Good luck. 


  • 1

#26 BabyGrand

BabyGrand

    Advanced Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 769 posts
  • Member: 144315
    Joined: 27-October 10
  • UK

Posted 30 March 2016 - 16:43

Well, I just wanted to add a rather unexpected update to this.  Two weeks ago this girl was asked to play something in a school end of term concert, so I helped her prepare a piece.  As usual, we had battles, this time with Dad wanting her to play a harder piece that wasn't ready, and her being typically resistant to playing the way I asked.  I forgot all about the concert after the lesson, until Mum texted me straight afterwards to tell me that she had played really well and did everything "exactly the way you have taught her"!  I wasn't sure what to make of that, but when she came for her lesson the next day she did indeed play beautifully - better than she has done for ages, and was actually doing everything I have spent months asking her to, whilst she refused to do it!!   :woot:  

 

Then Mum called me yesterday about something else, and couldn't wait to talk again about the concert.  She said that there were other children playing much harder music than her daughter (which has been a sore point), but to her they didn't seem to play it very musically or use good technique, and for some their music seemed too hard for them.  She said it was obvious that her daughter had been taught to play well, and even the music teacher at school had commented to her that she had noticed how my students were always well taught.   :blush:  :)  AND she said it now makes sense to her why I'm not in a rush to move on to harder pieces all the time and want my pupils to play the music at their level well before we move on, and develop good technique, and she's really glad that I do things the way I do!!!   :)  :)  :)

 

So, I may still need to win Dad over, but at least it seems like Mum is finally on board!  Hooray!!   :party2:


  • 11

#27 BadStrad

BadStrad

    Virtuoso

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 3965 posts
  • Member: 88756
    Joined: 28-January 10

Posted 30 March 2016 - 18:00

That's super news. So pleased for you.
  • 1

#28 mel2

mel2

    Virtuoso

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 4792 posts
  • Member: 6928
    Joined: 15-May 06
  • East Yorkshire

Posted 30 March 2016 - 19:57

Vindicated!
Enjoy it. :)
  • 1

#29 Hils

Hils

    Prodigy

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 1171 posts
  • Member: 7416
    Joined: 16-August 06

Posted 30 March 2016 - 20:58

Well done you and well done that Mum too. It takes a bit of backbone and generosity to make that kind of confession!
  • 1

#30 jpiano

jpiano

    Virtuoso

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 2173 posts
  • Member: 1270
    Joined: 03-May 04

Posted 30 March 2016 - 21:02

that's good news- well done!


  • 0