Jump to content


Photo

Bullying in Music Groups


  • Please log in to reply
36 replies to this topic

#31 Banjogirl

Banjogirl

    Virtuoso

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 2016 posts
  • Member: 39509
    Joined: 12-September 08

Posted 12 September 2017 - 15:38

We've had a couple of people who've tried to throw their weight around at our chorus. Because I tend to speak before I think I have managed to surprise them and shut them down, and both left in the end. We are otherwise all very friendly. I sometimes wish there could be a bit more said about, say, people who don't learn their part, but on balance I'd rather we stuck with our all in it together ethos and work on the bad bits without getting personal. That's what quartets are for, to have a good moan about the chorus and get it out of your system!

 

I find it embarrassing when I go to church choir (after they've begged me to come because I'm a big slacker) and they go on about how good I am. I'm not, but I can sight sing which they mostly can't. Far from feeling threatened they are embarrassing in their self depracation, and I always make a big point of saying how well a particular part sang, or whatever. They are just the nicest bunch of people you could ask for. They did have one mad lady who took offence at everything and thought everything said about 'the sopranos' was directed only at her! She left in a huff one day and nver came back.


  • 0

#32 Saxwarbler

Saxwarbler

    Advanced Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 579 posts
  • Member: 768786
    Joined: 29-May 13
  • Leicester

Posted 12 September 2017 - 16:21

Just a thought. The ABRSM Practice Note Book has a little quotation for each lesson. Lesson 1 is:

" People who make music together cannot be enemies, at least while the music lasts." Paul Hindemith (1895-1963) sad.png

Someone told me that Alfred Brendel and Dietrich Fischer Dieskau did not get on personally, but one really can't tell from hearing their recordings together.

A four-piece blues outfit that my OH used to drum with were by and large a friendly bunch. One in his 20s, one in his 30s, OH in his 40s and another chap in his 50s. The youngest two were the main songwriters/arrangers/creatives and the band did very well because of them - regular, paying gigs up and down the country. However they also argued a lot, largely over the music but also over things like general attitude to the work and, occasionally, academic matters (both were university lecturers). In time, however, the gigs began to drop off and the quality waned. Why? The two were agreeing more and more and had stopped arguing. Eventually the band folded and they all went their separate ways, but I still love to play their CDs back because the music was phenomenal.


  • 0

#33 bassoonista

bassoonista

    Advanced Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 595 posts
  • Member: 100709
    Joined: 04-May 10
  • Leeds

Posted 19 September 2017 - 21:05

I once went to a local amateur orchestra playday. It was a great day, but one of the other regular bassoonists seemed a bit grumpy. Afterwards, I received a lovely e mail from the organiser asking me to join. At the first rehearsal, that person made it so obvious that she resented my presence, that I felt compelled to send the organiser an e mail saying it may be more diplomatic for me not to attend further! It hasn't put me off, and if that person ever leaves, I'd be happy to go back. I can only imagine she felt threatened in some way by me, but god knows why as she was a far superior player, and I made it clear I just wanted to join in rehearsals for experience, and knew I was not competent enough to play with them yet.


  • 0

#34 bassoonista

bassoonista

    Advanced Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 595 posts
  • Member: 100709
    Joined: 04-May 10
  • Leeds

Posted 19 September 2017 - 21:12

Not as an adult but i experienced it as a teenager, it was a huge factor in me giving up music as a teenager. I was bullied by the conductor of the band i was in, (would publicly humiliate me in rehearsals and insulted me right before we went on stage for a major concert) which completely destroyed my self confidence. 15 years later ive found my love of music again but sadly not my confidence. I cant believe stuff like this happens in adult groups too! ?

Conductor of my band tried that...accused me of being out of tune at a concert. I'm probably often out of tune, but he was very nasty about it, in front of the whole band. He has been much nicer to me since that day, as I pointed out to him (also in front of the whole band) that I hadn't actually played at that particular concert smile.png


  • 0

#35 sbhoa

sbhoa

    Maestro

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 22213 posts
  • Member: 24
    Joined: 31-October 03
  • Tameside

Posted 19 September 2017 - 21:46

I once went to a local amateur orchestra playday. It was a great day, but one of the other regular bassoonists seemed a bit grumpy. Afterwards, I received a lovely e mail from the organiser asking me to join. At the first rehearsal, that person made it so obvious that she resented my presence, that I felt compelled to send the organiser an e mail saying it may be more diplomatic for me not to attend further! It hasn't put me off, and if that person ever leaves, I'd be happy to go back. I can only imagine she felt threatened in some way by me, but god knows why as she was a far superior player, and I made it clear I just wanted to join in rehearsals for experience, and knew I was not competent enough to play with them yet.

I had a similar experience after asking to play with an orchestra for experience. In my case I was apparently considered good enough to play with them as I was invited to dep but was not welcome to sit in and learn.  


  • 0

#36 bassoonista

bassoonista

    Advanced Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 595 posts
  • Member: 100709
    Joined: 04-May 10
  • Leeds

Posted 20 September 2017 - 14:43

 

I once went to a local amateur orchestra playday. It was a great day, but one of the other regular bassoonists seemed a bit grumpy. Afterwards, I received a lovely e mail from the organiser asking me to join. At the first rehearsal, that person made it so obvious that she resented my presence, that I felt compelled to send the organiser an e mail saying it may be more diplomatic for me not to attend further! It hasn't put me off, and if that person ever leaves, I'd be happy to go back. I can only imagine she felt threatened in some way by me, but god knows why as she was a far superior player, and I made it clear I just wanted to join in rehearsals for experience, and knew I was not competent enough to play with them yet.

I had a similar experience after asking to play with an orchestra for experience. In my case I was apparently considered good enough to play with them as I was invited to dep but was not welcome to sit in and learn.  

 

But Sbhoa...I didn't approach them, they asked me if I would join. How on earth could you have depped if you weren't welcome in a rehearsal???


  • 0

#37 sbhoa

sbhoa

    Maestro

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 22213 posts
  • Member: 24
    Joined: 31-October 03
  • Tameside

Posted 20 September 2017 - 17:44

 

 

I once went to a local amateur orchestra playday. It was a great day, but one of the other regular bassoonists seemed a bit grumpy. Afterwards, I received a lovely e mail from the organiser asking me to join. At the first rehearsal, that person made it so obvious that she resented my presence, that I felt compelled to send the organiser an e mail saying it may be more diplomatic for me not to attend further! It hasn't put me off, and if that person ever leaves, I'd be happy to go back. I can only imagine she felt threatened in some way by me, but god knows why as she was a far superior player, and I made it clear I just wanted to join in rehearsals for experience, and knew I was not competent enough to play with them yet.

I had a similar experience after asking to play with an orchestra for experience. In my case I was apparently considered good enough to play with them as I was invited to dep but was not welcome to sit in and learn.  

 

But Sbhoa...I didn't approach them, they asked me if I would join. How on earth could you have depped if you weren't welcome in a rehearsal???

 

Because when I depped I was covering for someone who wasn't there and sometimes hat was the person who most resented my trying to learn.


  • 0